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My sister, 17, as autism. She spends almost all her free time drawing...and she is AMAZING! But...that's all she wants to do. She gets angry a lot when people do not understand her, which is often. She also gets angry if I ask her "too many questions" or if I ask if she wants to do an activity such as watch a movie with me. She has no friends outside of this one artist website she belongs to, and it just hurts me to see her this way. Is there anything I can do or should do to help her? Should I just let her be? I am really at a loss. I have my own MI...Borderline Personality Disorder which makes my sister even more fustrated with me when she sees me cutting or banging my head on walls just because someone hurt my feelings or I percived them to have abandoned me. I just want to help her so much. What do I do?

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I only have one IRL friend. So does my niece.

My niece draws almost all the time, even when she is supposed to be doing her schoolwork.

We're fine being autistic. It's the rest of the world that has a problem with us.

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I only have one IRL friend. So does my niece.

My niece draws almost all the time, even when she is supposed to be doing her schoolwork.

We're fine being autistic. It's the rest of the world that has a problem with us.

Am I wrong for thinking there is something wrong with her? Honestly, am I? I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I just want to do what is best for her.

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Both my niece and I are autistic.

We don't think there is anything wrong with us.

If she appears happy, then she probably is happy.

I don't know, I'm not her.

I do know that my niece is happiest when she is drawing.

She's been drawing photo realistic animals since she was 3.

And personally, yes I do think that there is something wrong with you thinking there is something wrong with her.

I know that all my life I've thought NTs were the strange ones.

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your sister's fine. autism doesn't equal unhappy. it just means different.

you're pretty young, aren't you? i honestly don't blame you for confusing autism and unhappy, because quite frankly, that IS the usual message that society and medical personnel seem to convey. the reasoning seems to go like this:

autism = different

different = not normal

not normal = unhappy

normal = happy

btw, it is very common for an autistic person to want to do only one thing...actually, it's considered one of the 'symptoms' of autism. but your sister is perfectly happy drawing all the time. trust me on this one.

if you want to spend more time with her? tell her so, and ask her what she'd like to do. but she may just be perfectly happy hanging out in the same room with you, with both of you doing your own activities but being together in the same space. i'm not sure i'm explaining that well...it's like my husband just likes me to be in the same room with him, even if we aren't interacting. that works for me too, because it's tiring for me to have to interact with people all the time, but i like hanging out...just having someone in the room.

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My sister, 17, as autism. She spends almost all her free time drawing...and she is AMAZING! But...that's all she wants to do. She gets angry a lot when people do not understand her, which is often. She also gets angry if I ask her "too many questions" or if I ask if she wants to do an activity such as watch a movie with me. She has no friends outside of this one artist website she belongs to, and it just hurts me to see her this way. Is there anything I can do or should do to help her? Should I just let her be? I am really at a loss. I have my own MI...Borderline Personality Disorder which makes my sister even more fustrated with me when she sees me cutting or banging my head on walls just because someone hurt my feelings or I percived them to have abandoned me. I just want to help her so much. What do I do?

My first guess would be to not let her see you hurting yourself.

My brother is autistic. He has no friends and is very isolated. He is not happy. I haven't been able to help him at all.

I know what you mean about the "too many questions". He gets angry frequently and unpredictably. I've realized, sadly, that I'm best off just avoiding him (we don't live together).

Let me know if you have any breakthroughs in understanding your sister.

MG

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My youngest son is autistic and has minimal communication skills. He is usually quite happy listening to his music and watching movies. If he is bored, he will let you know he wants to go for a ride in the mountains. The other things like friends, dating, parties, etc... he isn't interested and doesn't get them. He also doesn't like questions. He seems to view them as a confrontation even if they are just simple ones like "How was your day?". I think what it is is questions derail his train of thought. They are frustrating and annoying. It is also hard for him to figure out what other people want and he does not like doing the wrong thing. Easier to just tune out.

If your sister is happy, just leave her alone. Unfortunately, you seem to be taking her actions personally. That's more likely your BPD.

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If that doesn't help, try thinking of it this way: NT people interrupting one with questions like "What are you doing?"

"Why don't you ...?" etc. are doing nothing more than trying to coerce a person who doesn't do social interaction well

into said social interactions and on top of it expecting socially-acceptable answers Right Now.

It's one hell of a mental and emotional drain to start with, and if one *does* make the mistake of responding in the slightest

encouraging way - they'll persist until they've driven one up the proverbial wall! Or, heaven forbid the conversation should

end up on something the autist is interested in - halfway through your response the NT breaks it off as "boring" or

"monopolizing the conversation."

That's my impression of it anyway, as a non-autist who often has people barging in, announcing their need for

conversation with the blatant lie: "this will only take a minute!"

Incidentally, the usual "Why don't you do something else for a change?" is tacit proof that the speaker places NO value

in the other person's needs and interests, as it's based solely on the speaker's desire for change.

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This is a tough question. My oldest son, who is 6, has Asperger's Syndrome, which is in the autistic spectrum. He also doesn't like to be asked questions. He generally seem happy though, so perhaps you should take your sister's emotional state at face value. I have my own MI, but as far as I know no autism. From what I've read about autisim, however, most people who have it can be taken at face value.

So take heart that your sister appears to be happy, and let her enjoy it without being pestered by too many questions. I know from experience that if I ask my son too many questions, his emotional state will take a turn for the worse.

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My youngest son is autistic and has minimal communication skills. He is usually quite happy listening to his music and watching movies. If he is bored, he will let you know he wants to go for a ride in the mountains. The other things like friends, dating, parties, etc... he isn't interested and doesn't get them. He also doesn't like questions. He seems to view them as a confrontation even if they are just simple ones like "How was your day?". I think what it is is questions derail his train of thought. They are frustrating and annoying. It is also hard for him to figure out what other people want and he does not like doing the wrong thing. Easier to just tune out.

If your sister is happy, just leave her alone. Unfortunately, you seem to be taking her actions personally. That's more likely your BPD.

Wow...you are so right! I never thought of things like that before! And yes, it is most likely my BPD that I am taking her actions personally and yes to everyone else, I will just let her be since she seems happy.

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I agree that verbal social interaction is painful and hard to deal with. I try to avoid verbal interaction because it usually involves having to read people and that can be physically painful sometimes, it usually ends up with a brain fry, headache, or my eyes hurting. The just being in the same room as a person approach to social life is preferential for me or chatting with the person online even though they are two feet away.

I've never had many friends and rarely any for a considerable length of time. I know there are the topics that I can rattle on about all day and never get tired of it. And I rarely want to do anything but read or play RPGs. I'm perfectly happy as long as my depression and anxiety are under control.

People seem to cause me more issues than they fix and then I'm left fixing up the damage they left behind. And it really doesn't help when you start going "Did I give the acceptable response? Or would this one have ended up with a better result?". I'll probably end up mulling over this post as well. English never seems to be my friend. I can never find the right words that give the emphasis that I want to portray.

I can vividly remember MANY, MANY, MANY times when my dad asked me a question and the reply that I gave ended up with me rattling on about something and his eyes glazing over and when I finally noticed what was going on I stopped, sometimes in mid-sentence. Then there's the silence that follows. Which I start thinking that I did something wrong. I usually give my mom short answers, probably because she asks questions in a way that provides a way to wriggle out with only saying a word, even if I have to lie.

I also have an obsession of the month thing going on for me. The reading and playing RPGs are the more longterm ones. My current obsession of the month involves Dr Who. And I'm kinda wordy today because I cut myself off from humanity for almost a week. Just me and my games and occasionally kitties.

(Yay forgetting things!)

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

::snort:: (Nal you crack me up)

Hey Green, how's it going with your sister?

Well...better, sorta. We talk more, which is good. And she likes it when I show an interest in her drawing stuff...so I guess its going alright. Thanks for asking!

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Awesome ;)

My boys have found ways to communicate over the years. Sometimes my oldest drives my autistic son up the wall...but that seems to be typical older sibling stuff. Other times my oldest finds way to interact with him on his level. That is when they get along the best.

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Both my niece and I are autistic.

We don't think there is anything wrong with us.

If she appears happy, then she probably is happy.

I don't know, I'm not her.

I do know that my niece is happiest when she is drawing.

She's been drawing photo realistic animals since she was 3.

And personally, yes I do think that there is something wrong with you thinking there is something wrong with her.

I know that all my life I've thought NTs were the strange ones.

I just care about my sister, that's all! There is NOTHING wrong with me, I resent that! >(

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