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I don't know how "normal" people think.


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Usually I'm worried that people will judge me for somthing stupid I say and I won't be able to make any friends. But maybe people are more forgiving than I think.... I really have no clue what people think what makes sombody a friend or an aquaintance or somthing I say an exusible screw up or an inappropriate statement.

Do you guys?

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IMHO, as I get older, and I do seem to be getting older, I find that most "normal" people are so self-absorbed that they really don't seem to notice too much outside themselves. But it could be geography. I think I live in the me, me state.

I wouldn't worry too much about what I said, they are bound to say something dumber.

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No, I don't know either!

I feel somewhat the same. And I don't think the real problem is in how they think and feel but in how I do. It's that same question. What's the difference between a friend and acquaintence? I have no "friends". I don't make that connection and I don't 'understand' it.

I talk about this sometimes with therapist. It's hard to describe that lack of 'connection' because in some ways I DO see it.

Therapist has sort of framed it as "small 'a' autism". As opposed to full autistic behavior. I don't fully fit an 'austic' definition.

(I'm just a grab bag of little bits of everything!)

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IMHO, as I get older, and I do seem to be getting older, I find that most "normal" people are so self-absorbed that they really don't seem to notice too much outside themselves. .

kablume, you hit the nail right on the head. that's exactly what i was going to say.

i once saw a bumper sticker that made me laugh my ass off: "don't worry about what other people think, most of 'em don't do it too often."

and i agree, getting a little older gives you more perspective on this.

rock on, stick, and try not to be self-conscious. ;) we like you for who you are, i'm sure people IRL do too.

bean

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Case in point:

I was at my aunts, so me, my aunt, my dad and my uncle were stood around. I picked up a glossy women's magazine. I noticed it was one I had bought before, that looked like a normal women's magazine, but was actually an erotica magazine for women, being marketed alongside glossy magazines. I commented on this, and my Aunt agreed she didn't know what it was when she bought it and we laughed. My uncle asked if it was really that bad a magazine.

I said out loud without thinking 'It's about butt plugs!'

Everyone laughed. After a second of shock. I felt v embarrassed.

Now I feel pretty embarrassed about this incident a week on. But my relatives still like me chat with me, and things are still well with the world. I often worry I will break the rules, say the unsayable, or make an ass of myself. I often do. But the people who love me, love me for me, and my occasional weirdness is a part of that.

Yes, the teenage world is one of one up-man ship, cruelty and fakery. But if you can be brave enough to be genuine, you'll win the kind of friends that will last the popularity contests of school. Friends are people who see the real you and stick around despite that, and because of it.

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what you're hearing from here is so right on - most people spend 99% of their time thinking about their own crap, not even remembering what someone else did or said yesterday. and they don't like sounding stupid either and probably fear this themselves... even if they look pretty confident ;)

(karuna, i loved that story btw!)

even if you do/say something that someone else thinks is stupid, it doesn't mean they automatically walk away from you forever. lots of people in life will like you AND tell you when they think you've got your head up your ass! i think they call those friends. and they'll even let you disagree about the head-in-ass conclusion too :)

ack it seems so cavalier to say all those things after the fact. you're talking to a bunch of people here on CB who've already been through that part of hell life and survived. some of us with friends, even (okay well maybe our friends are crazy too, but birds of a feather.... nevermind).

it's not easy, but it is possible to learn how to let go of some of that fear. good job just bringing it up!

-rusty

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My dad (who has a masters in Psychology) just happened to mentioned something like this the other day that made me think.

"You know, people don't notice you as much as you think. People are usually very selfish. It's just natural to think more about yourself than other people."

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(karuna, i loved that story btw!)

even if you do/say something that someone else thinks is stupid, it doesn't mean they automatically walk away from you forever. lots of people in life will like you AND tell you when they think you've got your head up your ass! i think they call those friends. and they'll even let you disagree about the head-in-ass conclusion too ;)

karuna, i liked your story too. hell, there's things i said twenty years ago that i still cringe when i think of 'em. then i shrug, realize i'm only human, and try to forget about it again.

and lys, i like your description of a true friend. i don't trust people who don't occasionally tell me i'm full of shit. if friends don't give you a reality check, who will?

and twitch, your dad is right on. and when you can really take this to heart - that people aren't paying nearly as much attention to every little thing we say and do as we are - it's really freeing. (spoken by someone who took a long time to learn this.)

bean

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been getting help for years. the day they bury me, is the day im cured.

ok going to add to this....not very good at explaining myself but anyway, ive always had the voices, they were there as a child. They would tell me to do things, i know crazy. the only time they are not there is when i am manic with racing thoughts, constantly moving (well could be cant remember) and when im completely depressed where i lose time. everything i do is done with the voices to the point i may not even hear what people say to me. i have fearful avoidant anyway so the trust thing is huge. So i know im paranoid i had therapy to help with it but im not very good at telling the secrets i have. thats it.

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  • 9 months later...

I feel just like that. I get so afraid that I will say something stupid that I end up saying nothing at all. I can't imagine that anyone would want to be my friend if I am just silent and emotionless 24/7. What meds help this? SSRIs? Benzos? What would be good for long term treatment? I know benzos can be addicting, so they tell you to only use them as needed. I'd like to have something that would help me 24/7. Also, would Wellbutrin help? It seems more desireable to me because it helps people (like me) with ADHD; it would probably just treat my ADHD even more if I added it to the Vyvanse I've been taking.

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I feel just like that. I get so afraid that I will say something stupid that I end up saying nothing at all. I can't imagine that anyone would want to be my friend if I am just silent and emotionless 24/7. What meds help this? SSRIs? Benzos?

Benzos are more suited to all-out panic attacks and paralyzing anxiety than not knowing what to say. SSRIs run the risk of leaving you not caring if say anything at all, although they have a good track record for general anxiety.

One thing on the "new to the board bit" - check the date on the posts. Sometimes a response to an inactive thread will start a productive conversation back up, but usually anything more than a couple of months old isn't being followed anymore. It's sort of like remembering that wonderfully witty thing you would have liked to have said ... hours later ... when you were hoping to get some sleep instead of reviewing everything that got screwed up over the past week.

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  • 2 months later...
Guest mistress web

No, I don't know either!

I feel somewhat the same. And I don't think the real problem is in how they think and feel but in how I do. It's that same question. What's the difference between a friend and acquaintence? I have no "friends". I don't make that connection and I don't 'understand' it.

I talk about this sometimes with therapist. It's hard to describe that lack of 'connection' because in some ways I DO see it.

Therapist has sort of framed it as "small 'a' autism". As opposed to full autistic behavior. I don't fully fit an 'austic' definition.

(I'm just a grab bag of little bits of everything!)

I have only one person who I call a friend, and I can't think now how I made that friendship. With 99% of the people I meet I just don't seem to 'gel' with them. I can't seem to get over that barrier, and 9 out of 10 times they lose interest anyway and thats that! I really can't relate to people unless I know them very well. Which is a catch 22 situation as I never, ever get to the 'friend' stage.

;)

I'm just a social, unemployable fuck up........but atleast I'm aware if it!

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