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Persistant thoughts


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I've asked this before and I've been told they've gone away for other people, but I'm not sure what is the best way to deal with them at the present.

I had a psychotic episode in 2005-2006 that lasted about a year where I was having delusions. I thought people were sending me messages through the media and even in my own home. There was more to it because the messages told me things and directed me on how to behave, but that's part of it. Anyways, I've been stable for over a year, but I'm still not sure what was real. I still think people were breaking into my house and sending messages, but I don't see the messages anymore.

I can suppress the thoughts and go about my daily life, but I'm not sure if I should be doing something to make them go away permanently. I know I could easily get swept away in them again because they are so believable.

I tried challenging the thoughts with cognitive therapy. It helped a little but I also think it made me focus on them and I'm not sure I want to do that. I've tried upping my anti-psychotic but that didn't do anything and since I still am not sure whether or not they are real I don't want to try to drug away reality. (I don't know if that makes sense but I fear getting over-medicated) fo speaking the truth.

I asked about it in my support group and people chimed in that they had similar experiences, but the meds made them go away. I've never gone off my meds, but I was on seroquel and it didn't touch the delusions. I take abilify now and it seems to work.

So, do I just suppress the thoughts and wait for them to go away? What do people do?

My docs know about the thoughts and it's not anything new.

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Have you fully and honestly described your symptoms to your pdoc? Does he understand that they are consuming your attention, that you still think they are real?

I don't understand pdocs who aren't aggressive in trying to control delusional thinking. There are quite a few members who have them and who say they don't tell even their pdocs about it. Unfortunately I don't have a pdoc that I can discuss approaches.

You are not clear whey you say Abilify is "working", yet these thoughts persist.

My suggestion would be to print out your post and discuss this with your pdoc next visit. It seems like anything like this that consumes your energy, attention and causes anxiety is worth trying to control.

best. a.m.

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You are not clear whey you say Abilify is "working", yet these thoughts persist.

My suggestion would be to print out your post and discuss this with your pdoc next visit. It seems like anything like this that consumes your energy, attention and causes anxiety is worth trying to control.

Thanks AM

The thing that is consuming my attention is that I'm not sure if I should try to "fix" this or if it can be a normal experience to still have doubts.

I heard voices when I was first diagnosed. I was able to dismiss them as not real pretty quickly after starting an anti-psychotic. But, the memories form my last episode stayed with me. They even got me questioning those voices again. That maybe people were really there and I couldn't see them.

I think the abilify is working because the messages have stopped.

Thinking about the past or trying to suppress the thoughts don't consume a lot of my time. I just wish I understood more about psychosis and the aftermath.

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Does anyone know of any good reference materials on psychosis? I checked amazon and they have a number of titles, but some of them are pretty pricey and I'm not sure what would fit what I'm looking for. I don't want to know how to deal with psychotic individuals, but how to deal with the aftermath. What to do with the memories, doubts.

I've perused the library, but I haven't found anything that's helpful. I'll go to a bookstore, next. Any on-line info would be great, too.

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I asked my tdoc about any books on psychosis, but he didn't know anything off-hand.

He gave me some thought records to try using CBT again. We talked about the thoughts themselves and how I could challenge them. And, about trust issues because it would help if I could rely on someone to reality check with.

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I posted on the nami message board and this is the response. They said the residual memories are normal even when well. I guess I can keep working on it, but not worry so much.

"We are a group of consumers and mental health professionals at a hospital and we read your post this morning. In our experience, these residual memories are very common, and also very hard to get over. It seems that you recognize that your memories could well stem from delusional experiences that you went through during your psychotic episode. This is very common for people, even when they are well. There is probably not much you can do about these memories, except for continuing to work on your recovery"

Someone also posted that they did a program called CBT for psychosis, so I guess I'm on the right track with challenging the thoughts.

Just thought I would share in case someone had a similar question.

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An idea:

If the messages and delusions were instructing you on how to act and stay safe (you mentioned them hinting you evacuate your home before an emergency, in another thread) maybe now the messages are gone, you have to make your own decisions and surrender to the unpredictability of life?

It was hard for me to actively admit my delusions were false and let them go, they became a sort of proetction and security blanket for me. Living as a human being who didn't know the secrets of the universe, and wasn't guarded by huge winged angels and who wasn't influencing the course of destiny is scarier than being that superperson I was when I was psychotic.

Maybe in some strange way, you miss the safety that delusions bring?

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Maybe in some strange way, you miss the safety that delusions bring?

It was hard for me when they stopped. I had to make decisions on my own without direction. In a way, I felt lost and almost missed them in a way. I thought there were real people behind the messages and I felt sort of abandoned.

I've gone past that and I don't look outside myself to make decisions, and I've accepted that they aren't coming back.

It just seemed so real it's hard to believe it wasn't.

I talked to my pdoc today and he said it's hard to get rid of all symptoms. He thinks my having doubt about the thoughts is good. I asked him about a book and he said there is a book written by someone with sz that's good. He said it had window in the title, but he couldn't remember the name. Off to google.

ETA: I think it's "A Tree Outside the Window" does anyone know if it's any good?

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