Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

"Just DO it!" HOW?


Recommended Posts

So, I've come a few levels from a deep depression but still can't seem to perform daily activities of living. I just want to stay in bed. I wanted to go to an association dinner with my boyfriend tonight. He has been so patient. I didn't go.

I know that only I can do this. I know that I have to "just do it" But, I haven't. There is a wall that I feel like I CAN'T CLIMB OVER!! I still feel sad and guilty about this.

I'm searching for insight, a method, or...anything really. I'm stumped here.

I know that depression can't be overcome by will power. I think that is what I'm trying to use and maybe there is another way to tackle this...

I've tried working through CBT and DBT workbooks but am not consistent. Could a group help? Maybe an outpatient intensive program? I don't know if I'll get myself there.

I have been mostly in bed three or four years, I can't remember exactly. Except for a few short hypo manic episodes.

Have I become lazy? Before this long episode of depression at the deepest level for me, even when, before, I was at around the level that I'm at,

I was able to force myself out the door but I was like the walking dead.

I want to be able to "just do it" because I think I could feel a lot better and that it would help my recovery very much if I can.

I also have several people gently pushing me to do this and I try and fail. I feel like a failure over simple things.

Comments are appreciated.

Stumped,

Sunshine Outside

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, I've come a few levels from a deep depression but still can't seem to perform daily activities of living. I just want to stay in bed. I wanted to go to an association dinner with my boyfriend tonight. He has been so patient. I didn't go.

You get dressed, get in the car, drive over, and walk in. I.e., put it on your "must do" list, and just do it. Time will pass, you go home, and pass back out. I think it's what "normal" people whine about as "going through the motions"

I'm sure there's an enthusiastic way of going about all that, but someone more familiar with that concept will have to explain it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, I've come a few levels from a deep depression but still can't seem to perform daily activities of living. I just want to stay in bed. I wanted to go to an association dinner with my boyfriend tonight. He has been so patient. I didn't go.

You get dressed, get in the car, drive over, and walk in. I.e., put it on your "must do" list, and just do it. Time will pass, you go home, and pass back out. I think it's what "normal" people whine about as "going through the motions"

I'm sure there's an enthusiastic way of going about all that, but someone more familiar with that concept will have to explain it.

Hi NullOtrooper,

Thanks for the reply.

Yeah...I know that part. So simple. The part that I'm having trouble with is knowing the simple answer of how to do it AND actually making myself do it.

There was a time that I could not understand this problem. I just did stuff even when I didn't want to. This is something different.

I'm not a lazy or weak person.

I'm hoping that someone here can identify (not that you can't) with the stage that I'm at and might have any insight. I'm at "just do it" and for some unknown reason, that is just not working.

Maybe you're right, sort of like something akin to exercise....maybe this is just the hardest thing I've ever done.

Also, I have only accomplished 3 basics goals half the time this month. Maybe I should refocus on those and not throw more in right now.

I don't know. This is new to me. It actually hurts when I try to do something that I don't want or I feel I can't do. (probably duh!) Well,

Actually, I remember going through this as I was getting depression. It was agony. Anyway, I don't know what to think about it.

Thank you,

Sunshine Outside

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ha, leave it to NullO to make it simple and right on the mark. That's annoying, dude. j/k

Can you try the "just do it" on SMALL things, that you are unlikely to "fail" over? I've been down in the abyss of depression. Just showering took days of contemplation. Maybe little things like "put on nice clothes", instead of pajamas. "Go to the convenience store and buy a pack of gum". You may have to actually speak to someone and you might actually smile. when I go, they tell me to have a nice day. It's hard, I'm not denying that, SO. Just start small, really small, so you know you won't fail. You'll make it, I know you will.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can you make a small to-do list and congratulate yourself for things that may seem simple like getting out of bed and getting dressed? I usually can push myself through to do the necessary things pick the kids up from school, doctor appointments, but I may crash the rest of the day. (I have had to call for help when I couldn't do those things, but for me that's rare).

For me the best thing is to break things down into pieces. I would get overwhelmed by the laundry until my friend suggested doing smaller loads. I couldn't get it all done in one day, but it made it more mamageable.

I'm sorry you are feeling down. null0trooper had a point about going through the motions. You have to push your way through, but I know it's a lot harder to do than to say. I hope you feel better soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks so much for your in put.

I think I've figured this out.

I forgot about the fact that I am working on three small goals that I have made a lot of progress with but have not yet quite reached those goals.

I need to reach those goals before I start adding more goals. That's it for me.

I feel much better. My Pdoc. says I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Wheeeeeeeew.

Everybody here is right! I need to push through to my goals AND reach those goals and then add "bigger goals"

Dinner tonight would have been fun. It was with the Army Special Forces Association. I bet my man was the most attractive there! :) And there are a lot of attractive men in the Special Forces! ;) Tee hee. One day, sooner than later, I will be right there beside him!

Thanks so much for helping me through this, guys.

Sunshine Outside

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SOS, I totally understand how you feel. I too was depressed for a long time and have recently gotten rid of it for now. I have something my tdoc says is really important for me to do and every week, he asks me if i've done it. and i say no. and then we go over the same old thing. my problem is that i need to communicate w/ my fiance about our relationship. sounds simple, huh? but, nooo. i can't seem to do it. good for you for meeting goals, that is something to pat yourself on the back for. baby steps!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sunshine,

In Null's list, at no point was there a bit that went 'think about how much you don't want to go/how bad it will be/how much you suck etc.' What he said was pretty profound actually, because it was just the essence of action, which is to suspend the thoughts that come with depression, the ones that are resistant to activity and recovery, and just 'do' instead of 'think.' You can have the thoughts whirring in the background, but instead of using your head to get you out of bed, just use your body. You are physically capable of getting out of bed!

I hate to say it, but a group or in patient program won't help much if you can't summon up the desire to do DBT or CBT consistently on your own. The truth is (and I mean this in a non judgmental way, I have been here too) no one can make this easier or do this for you. Getting out of bed when every cell is screaming to stay there is horrible, and will be until you are so tough with yourself and do it so often day after day that you are just trained out of this battle.

But it will be a battle until then. Flylady.com has a 'no whining sign' that I hung opposite my bed, it says 'you can do anything for fifteen minutes, except whine.' I used that to give me the incentive to get out of bed for fifteen minutes, and by that time, I was showered, or dressed, and going back was harder to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sunshine,

In Null's list, at no point was there a bit that went 'think about how much you don't want to go/how bad it will be/how much you suck etc.' What he said was pretty profound actually, because it was just the essence of action, which is to suspend the thoughts that come with depression, the ones that are resistant to activity and recovery, and just 'do' instead of 'think.' You can have the thoughts whirring in the background, but instead of using your head to get you out of bed, just use your body. You are physically capable of getting out of bed!

I hate to say it, but a group or in patient program won't help much if you can't summon up the desire to do DBT or CBT consistently on your own. The truth is (and I mean this in a non judgmental way, I have been here too) no one can make this easier or do this for you. Getting out of bed when every cell is screaming to stay there is horrible, and will be until you are so tough with yourself and do it so often day after day that you are just trained out of this battle.

But it will be a battle until then. Flylady.com has a 'no whining sign' that I hung opposite my bed, it says 'you can do anything for fifteen minutes, except whine.' I used that to give me the incentive to get out of bed for fifteen minutes, and by that time, I was showered, or dressed, and going back was harder to do.

Yes Karuna,

Your comments have been helpful. The comment about not thinking but just automatically doing it was helpful. I don't know why I didn't pick that up in Null's post.

I'm very familiar with Fly Lady. I like your sign.

I admit that when I look at the harder things for me like going out and stuff, it feels too hard. Oh yeah, Don't think, just do!! I'll get it down.

That's very helpful and I can apply it today to my three goals for today.

Everyones in put so far has been helpful. It is exactly what I was/am hoping for. Little bits of wisdom and tips here and there. Every bit helps.

I'm in a good place now, feeling teachable. It's good to ask for help sometimes.

I am going there. I have to tell myself that even when my friends and family think I'll never make it.

Holding on and making progress with baby steps. Which feels great!!

Grateful,

Sunshine Outside

Link to comment
Share on other sites

SO,

I think what stops us from action are the thoughts. We overthink it, try to summon up the wanting to do it, we try to guilt ourselves into doing it, we think of what will happen if we don't do it, and yet we are still in bed all that time later!

Don't forget to reward and celebrate the times you do get up. I have pinned a 'two things I did today' under the good stuff forum, where we can check in and report back two things we did today. Two things is achievable, it's not saving the world, but it is positive action. Anything you can and do for yourself is a great step forward, and we applaud you for trying.

Go SO!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(My mother used to joke when I was depressed, 'What Would Doris Day Do?' as a skit on the What would Jesus do? slogan. It sort of became a funny kind of mantra for me, I could never picture Doris Day sobbing in the dark for hours and lying about in a dirty dressing gown and not showering for long. And she had a pretty hideous life at times. So I used to say out loud, 'but, what would Doris Day do?' and then it made the whole thing seem so ridiculous I usually got up!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes! I agree about not thinking! It seems to be a more doable way. Now, I just gotta do it!

I rarely think about a treat when I accomplish my goal. I need to write all this stuff down, print out the post or make pretty signs!

I'm gonna check out your thread.

Thanks for the cheer!!! You're awesome!

Getting Hungry ;)

Sunshine Outside

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been down in the abyss of depression. Just showering took days of contemplation.

I get in a mood or way that I won't do anything. I'm actually going to and getting out of bed on a regular schedule which is huge. Going to work is a crap shoot some days. I just don't go. I have a healthy meal routine. My next thing is to do the FlyLady's 15 minute cleaning a day. I bought myself a timer for it. Exercise is high on my list but I just won't do it. "Just do it" is very difficult for me to hear and do. I'll keep trying.

Oreo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have always had a really hard time with motivating and getting through ridiculous fear of whether i'll be able to get myself out the door.

Even when I can't shower or dress in anything with buttons or zippers I always get the mail. Maybe curiosity or hope something great will arrive. So if all else fails at least i go to the end of the driveway.

when i lived in an apartment, the mail was only downstairs. A tdoc asked what the closest thing to walk outside was- it was the dumpster where i took my trash. around the corner- maybe 1/2 a block. So we set that as my daily goal. It was so laughable to me- walk to the dumpster and back-how could i not be able to do that? So most days I did, even if that was all I did.

So yeah, baby steps, baby baby crawl. it still sounds dumb to me but at least i got some fresh air on my face and it was a start. Sometimes once i was out i would feel like going a little farther like to the store.Or maybe not- that's the point ,be patient with yourself and reward yourself for what might seem like a nothing accomplishment, but it isn't nothing its HUGE!

I'm glad you are feeling better. I think you are right that we are more ready to take in suggestions and learn when we feel a little better, and then we can save the info for when we need it most.

sorry so long winded- i hope you continue to feel better, and if not that's ok too.

mrs l

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had days when I *really* couldn't get out of bed. But I had to. I went on "auto-pilot". Everything was automatic - getting up, getting showered, feeding the kidlings, going to work, everything. I didn't want to be wherever I was, I ached to be in bed, under my covers, away from the world and all of its horrors. But, being in bed wasn't going to pay the bills. That was my mantra, everything else (housekeeping, laundry, etc...) could go to hell in a handbasket, but I would do what it took to pay the bills. That what I got of "just do it".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...