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one thing you did right today?


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okay there are some great threads on other forums here that let us brag about what we did good today, what we're grateful for today, all that good stuff that helps (if you can make yourself do it :) ).

maybe we could start one here with just ONE thing we did right in terms of recovery today. maybe eventually we'll get to ten things hee :)

and maybe this thread will just get really really long because there will be so many of us posting every day about doing something good for ourselves!

(oh.my.god. i sound like a fucking group therapy leader. i am NOT that chipper. i PROMISE.)

okay i'll start:

this morning, i've been awake for five hours and i have eaten a WHOLE biscuit/scone/whatever you call it where you live hehe. and i put jam on it. like three spoonfuls ;) .

i didn't cut it up in little pieces. i made myself PICK IT UP and bite it, let it actually touch my lips, let my fingers get jam-sticky. i did wait quite a while between those bites, because i still don't know how far i can push it before the pain hits again. but i fucking FINISHED something that sat there for five hours, instead of throwing it in the garbage because i didn't want to think about it anymore.

ha! *sticks middle finger at ana-monster*

(is there a cheerleader's icon?)

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You guys all know I love these things and I think I will post on ALL of them today- cauz, ya know, I'm crazy like that :) !!

First, let me say - GO LYS!! That's Awesome and GO SO! Also awesome - I know how hard it is to come out from under the covers...and sometimes to talk about bees ;) ...it's a topic that comes up in the strangest of circumstances and either involves their disappearance or some sort of killer bee swarm coming to "murder us all" (said in old dramatic radio announcer style)...these conversations often have to be met with caution...lol.

I'd also like to attach a "cheer" picture for all of us - a little positive encouragement goes a long way (my tdoc often reminds me that adults need it as much, if not more than children - so there :) - nyah! LOL)

So today, even though she was grumpy and I really wanted to hang with her for just a little while longer, I let my niece have "her" time this morning...so I only got about 20 mins with her before I left ^_^ . I would've loved to gobble her up for the entire hour she was awake!

post-4490-1203953561_thumb.png

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I ASKED my dad to go out to eat knowing I wouldn't eat anything but the three bites soggy vanilla wafer dipped in coffee I had for breakfast if I didn't eat something for lunch, and I didn't have any money... so he took me out to a resteraunt and we sat and ate together..... and I thought I was sneaky ordering half of mine to go.... but then I ate some of his so I'd get more of a full meal... (his was GI NORMOUS... like 4 FULL cups of potatoes... 2 FULL CUPS of eggs... 4 strips of bacon... 4 pieces of toast... and this collassal cinnamon roll..... and I actually ATE the cinnamon roll! ;))

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yay we all did good things yesterday... and look how different they are!

that's why when people say "just eat more", or "just stop eating so much", it just doesn't work.

there are so many little things that affect how we are able to deal with food!

- eating something high-carb and holding on to it no matter how long it takes

- eating with someone else and talking, instead of alone and silent

- not gobbling a cute niece... wait a minute! cannibalism belongs on another forum (not sure which one THAT is hehehe)

- eating a whole cinnamon roll in a restaurant with family!

okay, i've only been up about four hours or so, so it can't possibly be food-time for me yet (i'll get there - it's just the pain the morning won't allow that).

but my goal: eat three times today. no matter what it is (and candy does NOT count, and neither does coffee). now i have to come back tonight and say i did it cause i promised ;)

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but my goal: eat three times today. no matter what it is (and candy does NOT count, and neither does coffee). now i have to come back tonight and say i did it cause i promised :)

That's a GREAT plan Lys! Having a plan makes it easier to follow through - being held accountable by others makes it even easier (believe it or not)...not that we'd berate if you if you stumbled...any progress is good progress, right? So just setting the goal should be the good thing you did today ;) ...and if you don't make the three times, still come back and post about what you DID manage...bc every little step forward is a good one.

Ok, pep talk over...my one good thing:

I got up before 8am. And following Lysergia's lead, I plan to get up before 8am every day until Saturday...and then I'll cut myself some slack. I will stop sleeping in (see all that positive energy in there - not that I would like to, or I plan to, or I need to, or I should...just plain and simple: I will).

And I will stop eating babies...LOL. (picture, Fat Bastard from Austin Powers saying, "Get in mah belly!"

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okay, so what happens in this thread when you say you're gonna do something and don't make it? ;)

i don't want to lie, i know that feeds the monster.... but fuck man i don't want reminders of how many fucking times i can't fucking do this!!

alright i'll stop the fucking swearing. in a minute.

alright so i failed miserably at meeting yesterdays goal.

and since i've failed so miserably so many times in the past (whenever), i'm back on this fucking boost (ensure, whatever you call this crap where you live). i HATE THIS SHIT. it tastes like sugared milk with crushed multivitamins and plutonium.

what's my goal for the day? getting off this fucking disgusting crap again.....

yeah so i didn't meet my no-swearing promise up there either. fuckit.

sorry.

- rita

ed. because i cant fucking spell either

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Ok Rita baby...why do we fall down? So we can get back up!! It's ok to fail...what have you learned from this? We aren't here to remind you of your failures...we're here to help you move through them! Besides - you drank yucky Ensure - that's a positive step, right? It means you "ate" something with vitamins and minerals in it! That's a plus in my book (and thank you for confirming my suspicions on how gross it is, you've now saved me $2? Or however much it costs...).

Needsalife - thanks for joining us!! I think it's great that you did those things!

Ok, (and I'm not trying to rub it in)...but I did achieve my goal and got up at 7:30 today. I almost climbed back into bed bc hubby was making it look really inviting, but I resisted the urge and got started on my day.

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thanks, dangergirl. i feel a little calmer now (see! no swearing!).

you're right about the just get the hell up again. there's nobody holding me to the fucking floor.

(oookay, i won't even bother trying about the cursing anymore).

i guess i was just having a little meltdown over a bunch of triggers yesterday, then made it worse by not eating, then slept, then woke up with the omniscience that i will never overcome this and it will kill me. yep, i'm also a psychic. i cost eight hundred dollars an hour :)

had to review the Thin documentary yesterday... of ALL the things to choose, my kid's doing a fucking presentation on anorexia (and knows enough how to find movies to watch online rather than articles to read...) ;) . so i told her i'd go through it and highlight what i thought the important bits would be (while she was at school).

i lost my mind watching that film again... i don't know why, i've seen it before, nothing about it was new...

maybe it's because i loved polly and now she's fucking dead. and they kicked her out of fucking treatment in that film, before she was ready, knowing that there wouldn't be help where she was going. she couldn't fucking do it alone, there was no help to be had that wanted anything to do with her, and so she fucking died. she died because she liked to sneak cigarettes in rehab when she wasn't supposed to. she died because she went out and got a tattoo when she agreed she wouldn't (wtf? do they think it's SI or something?). she died because she felt sorry for someone in med withdrawal and shared hers - stupid yes, but i can't say i'd never do that either! and while she was supposedly being so destructive, she actually HAD reached her goal weight. was it that worth it to maintain the fucking arbitrary rules???? letting her die???

fuck them. it just made me feel like oh yeah, if i fess up to this? here comes one more round of professional treatment that's going to serve nothing but to make me more bitter, again. i'm a fucking adult and i am not going to be told when i can and cannot smoke, or if i can get another tattoo or piercing or whatever else the fuck i want, or anything else that has nothing to do with helping me relearn to EAT. i don't want to be made into someone else's opinion of "normal" or even "healthy" - which has nothing to do with what i weigh or look like, it has everything to do with NOT letting someone else define who i am!!

can't i have that and still not be so fucking alone in doing this all by myself? i guess i'm asking for my cake and eating it too... oh what a bad fucking joke THAT was.

okay, time to put the negativity back in the jar for awhile.

glad you didn't waste the money on this disgusting crap if you don't really need it! maybe not everyone thinks it's horrible, but i've tried every flavour and they're just all gross to me.

good on you for getting up at 7:30 :)

i used to have to battle that one really really hard... i'd better knock on wood now!

i'm already better off than yesterday (if you only compare the last two days that is heh). i've finished this fucking evil concoction and about 500ml of water. and it's only two in the afternoon. if it doesn't hurt later, i'll try for something more solid.

i feel like a goddamned little kid crying "but i AM trying mom!!!!!"

speaking of crying i think i need to go do that for a little while.

thank you for listening to me.

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ensure is FOUL. i prefer atkins high protein shakes. much much better flavor. your still getting quite a bit of nutritional bang for your buck (read the labels---atkins/slimfast has less nutrition *per ounce*, it's not as concentrated. but it still packs a wallop). personally, i don't understand why you give something nauseous to people who don't want to eat.

ensure is FOUL. i prefer atkins high protein shakes. much much better flavor. your still getting quite a bit of nutritional bang for your buck (read the labels---atkins/slimfast has less nutrition *per ounce*, it's not as concentrated. but it still packs a wallop). personally, i don't understand why you give something nauseous to people who don't want to eat.

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I didn't meet my goal today.... I'm soooo nauseous that I just can't eat. I haven't had one freaking thing to eat all day... and I'm severely lacking in the water department too

;) Tomorrow I'm eating my salad for breakfast. I HAVE to eat before DBT. or I'm not going. no. that wouldn't solve anything. *sigh* I'd just not eat. *kicks eating disorder*

Tomorrow I WILL eat.

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new day, new goals.

pretending i haven't fallen down at all, i'm just beginning.

*lalalalala* denial's a great tool sometimes.

1) drink that horrid thing in the fridge waiting for me.

2) eat a solid more than once.

there. two goals, if i get even one, i've done one thing right today.

i wish it were easier to only see the little steps, and not see the whole highway in front of you, and what you have to do to make that highway just a dirt road, and where you're supposed to be when the road becomes your own little driveway. i want blinders, i want to see only one step at a time today.

but i'm not that kind of animal by nature. i do this with everything. it gets in the way of getting un-depressed, too. not being able to accept doing the work in small steps, because i know how long the walk is.

so staying in this thread every day is a big deal to me because it's only about one small step rather than if i can race to the end today.

you know i'm feeling way down there when i can't even get it up to swear this morning. has more to do with unrelated bad family news than tripping over my own feet with this ana thing. makes it harder though. food is like the first thing to go now whenever we're feeling too anxious to deal.

i'll probably be less maudlin this afternoon. it's too early for the meds to have kicked in yet ;)

- rita

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Hey Rita - a thought just occurred to me...maybe you should pick an unimportant goal - something arbitrary...something that you can do in your house that is time related...like maybe clean something. Set a timer for 5 minutes at a time...see what you can accomplish in that time. Then stop, reward yourself...repeat until the goal is completed...perhaps doing an excercise like this would help you with those blinders?

I also wanted to ask if you meant this to be an ED only thread? I can be "thick" sometimes and just realized which "category" you posted this in - um, DUH! LOL ;) So maybe I should focus my triumphs on that? If so, I'm going to post for yesterday:

A managed to eat three whole meals - nutritous ones at that...I can't tell you the last time I did that.

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Hey Rita - a thought just occurred to me...maybe you should pick an unimportant goal - something arbitrary...something that you can do in your house that is time related...like maybe clean something. Set a timer for 5 minutes at a time...see what you can accomplish in that time. Then stop, reward yourself...repeat until the goal is completed...perhaps doing an excercise like this would help you with those blinders?

I also wanted to ask if you meant this to be an ED only thread? I can be "thick" sometimes and just realized which "category" you posted this in - um, DUH! LOL :) So maybe I should focus my triumphs on that? If so, I'm going to post for yesterday:

A managed to eat three whole meals - nutritous ones at that...I can't tell you the last time I did that.

hehe i actually DO those little unimportant goals already. half the time, it's how i get anything done at all.

(if i do the dishes, i can have a cup of coffee. if i vacuum, i can waste another hour on the internet heh. ad nauseum. that's why my apartment isn't a total wreck....)

i keep trying to get my kid to try this just to keep her damned room clean (i refuse to do this. she is sixteen years old. nuff said.). you know, set your alarm for five minutes, get off the damned computer, and put some stuff away/ pick up your laundry/identify moldy food wedged behind desk for three weeks, whatever.... but it ain't working yet. i think i'll have to be the freakin alarm clock myself... standing there with my arms folded saying tick tick tick tick....

LOL i did start it as an ED thread but hell if anyone does anything good about anything i'm glad to hear it :(

good for you on three healthy meals :( yay!

i actually did meet my goals yesterday, i drank that awful boost and i ate two containers (what are those things called? that word doesn't sound right)(<----- lamictal ;) ) of yoghurt.

so yay.

today i said i was going to drink a disgusting thing again (today's flavour, vanilla! whee!). i don't know if i can meet another goal today. i might do well, i might not. i might not feel this nauseous in like three hours, who knows.

but i'm sitting here with that vanilla thing in front of me and it's a third of the way gone.

it's really hard to bother fighting this habit now (because not eating is just as much a habit now as anything else), i/we just want to keep going on auto-pilot and not think about this or the crap our kid is going through or fighting with our partner or people dying on us when they aren't supposed to yet. i find myself continually either staring at walls or frantically distracting myself from being able to think.

the music in my living room has been so incredibly loud since yesterday i don't think anyone else in the house can think, either :( daft punk is now saving my ass - i should probably write them a thank you note.

i did an idiotic thing yesterday that might save my ass through the weekend if it doesn't push me over the edge ^_^ ... i committed myself to two eight-hour days of work at my partner's job saturday and sunday. they are so in need of help to get through even a little bit of inventory-counting, because they're so busy and understaffed. so idiot me, who is tempted by the money of course, says yes. i have to be with PEOPLE for two days in a row. AAAAHHH! what did i do???

but it might keep me from useless ruminating or something else stupid. i think i can still count well enough to do inventory :P . i think what they want me for is data entry, though. that's okay too. it just means typing all day which i do every freakin day anyway heh :(

omg i started writing this post about 45 minutes ago then kiddo came home early... i got totally derailed heh.

guess i should get my ass offline (yeah, like that's not the first place she goes when she gets home :) ).

- rita

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Hey!!!!

You know what, I think drinking ensure is a great accomplishment!!!! Its really good for you!!! And quite frackly ive bought the stuff, or given it a hundred times, but never managed to force it down.

And its way better for you then the atkins stuff, not good for you!

Have you tried Nutren? Nutren optimun or active? It actually tastes better. I have an entire list of every supplement on the market! Another one is build up?

Again i never management to get it down!!! But have tried them all. Also in class and practiles in class and I have to give patients ones that suit their requirements.

Me, I eat breakfast every day! ;)

And have acknowledged i'm too thin.

Hope everyone is achieving something wonderfull everyday!!!

Lots of love

Ashdene

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well...I ate one, somewhat healthy meal today...(french fries are a vegetable right?) and shared a dessert w/hubby (we went out for lunch)...the sad thing is that now I'll prolly punish myself the rest of the day for that bc I feel utterly and completely disgusting ;) ....urgh, this was supposed to be about the good stuff...tomorrow will be a better day....

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i did NOT go off on my bosses assistant, who has been snarking at me for weeks, and who today actually accused me, in typical passive aggressive fashion of not working enough. HAH!

there have been time sin my life where i would have started a HUGE brough-haha over this, but i let it go, and talked it over with the wife, and came to intellectual conclusions (that he is a jealous baby lol) ... and just said NO to arguing and taking a defensive posture.

woo hoo, go me!

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