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Ya know, on second reflections I have been obsessing about diagnoses too much. It doesn't matter whether I am schizotypal, schizophrenic, schizoaffective, schizofucktive or whatever, the main thing is I can function. When I hear on these boards about people's loved ones who are so debilitated by psychosis that they can't work, can't function as a human being I have to thank God that despite the whole nurses out to get me thing I can work, write and hold down a part time job and study. Despite being psychotic, my life has direction and purpose. I have goals and ambitions. I won't let this defeat me. Plus I have given up drinking and bulimia too and sticking to my meds.

I used to love the Gnarls Barkley song Crazy but now I can't listen to it - the lines "I remember, I remember when I lost my mind, there was something so pleasant about that place". The whole nurse episode has taught me it's not big and it's not clever or 'pleasant' to lose your mind. It's fucking hideous and terrifying.

What I wanted to ask is whether people on the board with psychosis have paranoid visions and fantasies that accompany their delusions or voices? When I get my voices, I get very clear images in my head of the nurses saying them, If I get a paranoid thought, I usually get visions of the plot unfolding to accompany it. I can get lost for hours in these paranoid fantasies and visions and have whole conversations going on in my head. Can anyone relate?

blackbird x

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I had these issues once. Risperdal helped to get me to a place where I could examine these voices and thoughts and think about why I was having them.

Why are the nurses out to get you? I ask because I am not sure I understand their motivation from what you posted so far, and I often lose the thread with peoples situations and need reminding! Are these the nurses that cared for you, or nurses you work with? Were they plotting when you were in hospital, or when you began working there?

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Blackbird wrote:

"Ya know, on second reflections I have been obsessing about diagnoses too much. It doesn't matter whether I am schizotypal, schizophrenic, schizoaffective, schizofucktive or whatever, the main thing is I can function. When I hear on these boards about people's loved ones who are so debilitated by psychosis that they can't work, can't function as a human being I have to thank God that despite the whole nurses out to get me thing I can work, write and hold down a part time job and study. Despite being psychotic, my life has direction and purpose. I have goals and ambitions. I won't let this defeat me. Plus I have given up drinking and bulimia too and sticking to my meds."

Spot on blackbird...I have heard that it isn't the label, but how functional you are in spite of it that gets you on in the world. Learning to know the lie, that's the secret...

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thanks for the support conused, usernametaken and geardaddy.

Karuna, my thing with the nurses began when I was an inpatient. I became convinced they could hear al of my thoughts and as my htoughts towards them were unpleasant, they wanted to ruin my life. I work in the hospital where they work at. In work I can hear their voices and I get visions of them plotting and colluding against me - programming patients to kill me, practicing black magic against me. The p-doc might be in on it. I'm not sure. I had a vision the other day in which he was asking the nurses "So what's going on with her now?" so he can monitor my thoughts. They are very abusive and make fun of everything I do, have access to my most private thoughts and wouldnt think tiwce to land me in the shit if they could. There are logical reasons behind all of this but I can't discuss them as they know I am writing this and they are angry so I have to stop before they launch a direct psychic attack.

blackbird x

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blackbird if they were going to lauch a psychic attack, well, they would NOT be nurses and doctors, they'd be mental patients. please get a hold of this intricate scheme within your mind and reality check

you are probably just picking up on their karma of hating their jobs

it ain't right for you to absorb that negativity to your person

be safe by taking care of yourself

promise

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very good advise! FYI people are always talking about each other where I work. I utilize a lot of cognitive biasing techniques to fend off the negativity. If people are out to get me they're doing a damn poor job of it...I've been here for 20 years! Hang in there dude, you're fine.

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