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mghalt

"The only one that can help you is you"

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I'm so sick of hearing this from people. I got it again today from a cousin who, up until now, has been incredibly helpful and supportive. I called her a few days ago talking about my woes. I told her, "I feel more depressed." Her answer was "well take something for it." ;) Duh.

Then I got the lecture from her today that I "just need a routine" "get some sunlight" and "the only one that can make you feel better is yourself."

Then I was watching Discovery Health last night and a psychiatrist was on there and he had talked to a patient in the ER with mental illness and addiction. He said "well she's not in an acute psychiatric emergency so I can't help her. I'm afraid she just has a case of what us psychiatrist's call 'a sucky life' and we can't cure 'a sucky life'.

Ass.

People make depression out to be the simplest thing. Like gee, why didn't I think to just open the curtains, do a few loads of laundry, do the dishes, take the trash out, deal with the kids, and work 8 hours so I can feel better?

That's like the old wonderful line my mother used to give me. "snap out of it."

Heh.

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"Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps." ;)

:) I watched a show about people who tried to commit suicide and failed--suppose to be an uplifting show but just triggered me (Oprah). :) One woman was caught by a police officer as she was jumping off a bridge. She said the last thing she remembered was sitting with her mother and her mother telling her she needed to pull herself out of this. She got her car keys and left heading to the bridge. That was her breaking point. I totally identify with her when someone tells me to just let it go.

Oreo

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I totally identify with her when someone tells me to just let it go.

Probably NOT the best thing to tell the driver.

Although ... if CERTAIN people were driving ... ;)

-"just need a routine" - suuuure. In theory it's possible for my life to be stuck further in a rut. THAT should give me more of a reason to live.

-"get some sunlight" - It BURNS! That is actually one of the things no one I'm related to is likely to say. No one I know hisses at the sun, but I have heard a few choice words. Skin cancer is no laughing matter though. :)

-"the only one that can make you feel better is yourself." And the only person who can go fuck you is yourself.

-"we can't cure 'a sucky life'." But SSRIs and APs (when it's gone from "Wow. That sucks." to "If I were you, *I'd* kill myself") have a really good track record for numbing the pain long enough for things to get better or to get the person into some therapy and counselling.

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I so agree with you . GAG ME!!

tell her "you go take a f*cking "happy pill"

ooo this make me mad.people are such idiots.

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The thing about supporting someone with depression who talks about it at great length to you often is....it gets really TIRING.

No matter how much you care about that person, and you want to help, especially if you have no personal experience of MI, it can be draining. That is the truth. If you want to maintain relationships with people, you need to be able to balance the doom and gloom with some time listening to them and having (a limited amount if you're low) a bit of fun too. Now if you can hand on heart say that you aren't burdening that cousin often with too much, then yeah, maybe they have been insecure.

But it takes effort to support a person suffering with MI, and it's easy to run short of patience some days

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I've had days were I was feeling a wee bit down and sucking it up and going for walk on a sunny day made everything better. Conversely, in the not-so-distant past I met all but one criterion for a Major Depressive Episode.

People who have not experienced despair cannot fathom despair. They could, however, do us all a favor and at least pretend to acknowledge it's existence.

For whatever reason, this thread made me think of Camus's take on the Myth of Sisyphus. For those of you who have read it, did any of you just want to throw your book in the trash? Sisyphus must truly be happy, my ass. (Don't mind me, I'm just a little grumpy ;) )

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Sisyphus must truly be happy, my ass.

well said.

thought you might enjoy this little off-topic silly:post-3801-1205056921_thumb.jpg

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;) I love cat pictures! Even if the poor kitty looks a little pissed off.

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I agree with everything that has been said, and I've experienced this myself. However, in non-MI people's defense, it is basically impossible to know or to imagine how a depression feels. Most nondepressed people think depression is how you feel when your boyfriend breaks up with you, or your dad dies, or you didn't get a job you applied for. And if you are not suffering from depression and are in one of those situations you frequently can pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

Although I have had anxiety and panic issues my whole life, I did not have a true clinical depression until a year and a half ago. I didn't even realize what was wrong with me (duh), but I couldn't function. I couldn't go out, deal with friends or family, or even take care of myself. When my pdoc told me that it was depression I was surprised. I increased my meds and felt so much better. But that was a true lightbulb moment - feeling what true depression is.

Most people out there, luckily for them, have never experienced it. I've been on both sides now and I can sympathize with both as well. I know its hard to hear the lectures and the "snap out of it" comments, but to save your sanity I think its better to just smile and nod. Then they'll leave you alone. Hopefully.

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I am new here, but this thread really caught my attention. I am dealing with this now. My mom and my ex have this idea that now that I am in counseling and once the meds kick in, I will be magically cured. My friends keep telling me that I need to move on and not think about the stuff and just get over things. It drives me crazy (well even more so) because if it were that easy, dont they think I would have done all that already. I dont enjoy being this way and I want to feel better and be able to handle things rationally, I didnt choose to be like this. But no one here understands that. Oh I guess I should mention that I am BP2 with GAD, but my depression is far more occuring than my mania right now.

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My most hated is the "are you getting exercise?" especially from pdoc. I'm sitting there in dirty clothes, and haven't showered for 3 days. Exercise? You gotta be kidding me. Now once you start feeling better, then yeah, it can help alongside meds and therapy. But god, pulling yourself off the couch? Impossible.

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My most hated is the "are you getting exercise?" especially from pdoc. I'm sitting there in dirty clothes, and haven't showered for 3 days. Exercise? You gotta be kidding me. Now once you start feeling better, then yeah, it can help alongside meds and therapy. But god, pulling yourself off the couch? Impossible.

I totally relate! I can't count the times I've heard that, read that, etc. I can barely get my butt to work, not even showering regularly for that. And this is a step up from where I've been. Oh, and i do pay $46/month at the YMCA and have for years. In the past, I've gone on and off.

Oreo

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Ok

I have one word for the nondepressed: empathy

Its not a question of boring or burdening people, its that their comments feel dismisive and not much like a friend.

Maybe its just the topic that frightens people or something. That same friend may be burdening you with her on again off again relationship for the past 10 yrs and I don't think anyone would say just go for a walk. ( well maybe they would).

I believe all of us have been on both sides. Sure I have felt burdened by a friend'd serious issues, but I also want to be validated in being pissed off when people keep saying things like oh that sky is so beautiful and blue, oh look at that pretty flower etc when all you can think of is curling up and dissappearing from the world. In most cases they didn't just meet you yesterday- and its not like its news to them that these comments don't help. ( I know I have repeatedly tried to explain why these serve only to make me feel worse- that noone is in fact listening to anything I say.)

I'm losing my patience for the oh I don't want, or shouldn't burden others. I'm tired of apologizing for being sick. they can walk away --we can't.

end of rant - sorry- hit a nerve I guess.

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Disclaimer: Y'all will hate me BUT:

With depression, it is often the mental thought processes that stop you getting up off the couch and showered and out for a walk, you're not physically incapacitated. And yes, while it is easier to exercise the further along your recovery you are, exercise facilitates and helps the recovery start. So while it might seem better to wait for a time when you feel you can/want to exercise, if you're depressed, you'll be waiting a long time.

You can exercise in yesterdays clothes, unshowered. You can walk up and down your stairs at home. You can walk to the mailbox or dustbin and back. You could get a yoga DVD and do one pose a day and then retire to bed in despair. I used to do that stuff. You could get a watch, walk out the front door, walk for seven minutes, and walk back. It is agonizing and hard, and it's not a cure all. But there won't be a better time to do it in future if you can't try now.

The reason why depressed people fail to exercise (me included when I am low) is because we overthink it. You think of exercizing then think

'I am so unfit. Everyone will see. I'll get out of breath. I'm so ashamed of my body. I can't. I'm useless. This is one more thing I have failed at. No one will get this. Everyone thinks I am a loser. I am pathetic'

and then you stay on the couch. The technique is to ignore these thoughts, don;t try to motivate or convince yourself, and just do it.

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mghalt

I'm sorry you're feeling down and that they weren't more helpful.

Here is a link with best and worst things to say to someone who is depressed. If nothing else it shows you other people feel the same way. That some comments just aren't helpful. And sometimes the words are okay, but the attitude isn't good. If I call my Mother when I'm feeling bad, which I've learned not to do, she says "This too shall pass". It's not helpful. It's her way of ending the conversation because she doesn't want to listen.

"Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression. "

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/Bi...worst_words.asp

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The reason why depressed people fail to exercise (me included when I am low) is because we overthink it. You think of exercizing then think

'I am so unfit. Everyone will see. I'll get out of breath. I'm so ashamed of my body. I can't. I'm useless. This is one more thing I have failed at. No one will get this. Everyone thinks I am a loser. I am pathetic'

and then you stay on the couch. The technique is to ignore these thoughts, don;t try to motivate or convince yourself, and just do it.

You're kidding, right? Does all that really go through your head at the prospect of changing into a t-shirt and shorts, and jogging around the block?

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The reason why depressed people fail to exercise (me included when I am low) is because we overthink it. You think of exercizing then think

'I am so unfit. Everyone will see. I'll get out of breath. I'm so ashamed of my body. I can't. I'm useless. This is one more thing I have failed at. No one will get this. Everyone thinks I am a loser. I am pathetic'

and then you stay on the couch. The technique is to ignore these thoughts, don;t try to motivate or convince yourself, and just do it.

You're kidding, right? Does all that really go through your head at the prospect of changing into a t-shirt and shorts, and jogging around the block?

I was just thinking what good advice, but now you've taken the wind out of my sails.

Even though I'm old and fat and know it, I don't have the self esteem problem. My health is more important than what people may think. When I'm depressed I think OK I can't get up enough steam to jog so I'll just walk today. The first few K's I think I can't be bothered maybe I'll just do a short one today but then something fantastic happens I get my second wind and my brain starts to drown in endorphins or something. I come home and think I do need a shower which I may not have bothered to have and the shower feels great. Also tiredness from physical exercise is much more relaxing and enjoyable than tiredness from depression.

Yeah! Exercise can bring on a solo psychological battle and I definitely go with the stuff everything else just do it!!!

Edited by Hannibal Lecter of Serotonin

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Karuna, I'm sorry but I have to wonder if you have ever really been clinically depressed? You sound like my mother. That post was like nails on a chaulk board.

Fuck you sound like Tony Robbins.

Get the meds right, fix the chemical issues, then the motivation will just happen naturally. It does for me. That is REAL depression. You can't force it away with 15 mins a day of Downward Dog.

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