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It seems this depression, anxiety, paranoia and so on will never go away. I'm 30, I;m on SSDI and I live with my parents. I drive a piece of shit car. There are some good things. I have good friends, a great daughter and a wonderful partner. Even all of this isn't enough to help.

I have tried everything. Therapy? It's a crock of shit. Meds? I've been on just about every one there is over the years. I currently take 14. I'm also in my 3rd month of ECT. So far ECT is the only thing that's been remotely helpful and it's not that helpful.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. I'm not suicidal yet but I keep edging closer to it.

Sorry for the rant. Had to get it out.

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Don't apologise! you've taken a major step toward your cure, by talking about your problems. Don't ever underestimate the power of talk therapy. I'm 60, thought I knew it all or most of it. But I have done some serious learning here, which has helped in me taking control of my illness. One thing is that I don't like your title of this thread. "I will never be happy" These type of statements tend to be self fulfilling. Move it up a notch at least and adopt the title. "I may never be cured, but I will learn to cope with my illness and have a fulfilling life." Ten points to your first paragraph. Identifying the positives in your life. Also identify the negatives but identify what you can do about them.

Drugs are the quickest most effective treatment but if they don't work for you, you may have to find something else like acupuncture, exercise or meditation. Or a combination. For me drugs help enormously but poop out and eventually turning against me, has been a major problem. So I use exercise and take advantage of my religious faith to meditate. I am not cured by any stretch of the word, but I feel a fulfilment and deep happiness in my life.

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I wish I had words of wisdom. I've been on SSDI in the past and know it's no gift - hard to live on it. I have 2 daughters that keep me going too. Besides that, we both suffer from "mood disorder NOS".... gotta love that!! what it is, I'll never know.

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Don't apologise! you've taken a major step toward your cure, by talking about your problems. Don't ever underestimate the power of talk therapy. I'm 60, thought I knew it all or most of it. But I have done some serious learning here, which has helped in me taking control of my illness. One thing is that I don't like your title of this thread. "I will never be happy" These type of statements tend to be self fulfilling. Move it up a notch at least and adopt the title. "I may never be cured, but I will learn to cope with my illness and have a fulfilling life." Ten points to your first paragraph. Identifying the positives in your life. Also identify the negatives but identify what you can do about them.

Drugs are the quickest most effective treatment but if they don't work for you, you may have to find something else like acupuncture, exercise or meditation. Or a combination. For me drugs help enormously but poop out and eventually turning against me, has been a major problem. So I use exercise and take advantage of my religious faith to meditate. I am not cured by any stretch of the word, but I feel a fulfilment and deep happiness in my life.

I agree with you about the therapy because it's definitely been a big help for me,granted there are times when I still struggle & want to give up trying but here I am day in,day out just trying to get by.

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I'm learning to live with depression and anxiety and a whole heap of PTSD and mixed personality disorder stuff.

Therapy does help. And my meds. They don't magically take my pain away - I would have to have had a different past and childhood for that. But they do make things at least a little more liveable.

I work, but my job is below my intellectual ability. I've never had a relationship. I can't drive, because of dissociation and anxiety. I have no real close friends who're there for me, who I see regularly. I do have my flatmates though, and my colleagues at work are great.

Maybe you're taking too many meds and they kind of cancel each other out? What happened with your therapy?

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Thanks all for your kind words. Since my post I've seen both my pdoc and my gdoc. It's too bad Lortabs can't be used as ADs. I have a lot of physical issues along with my emotional issues.

Anyway, we're changing some aspects of my ECT.

I'm doing better. Last night I went out to a club with my partner and his roommates. I didn't freak. It was a good night.

As far as therapy goes, my only option is the county. Every so-called therapist I've seen there has belittled and ignored me. I won't go back.

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Thanks all for your kind words. Since my post I've seen both my pdoc and my gdoc. It's too bad Lortabs can't be used as ADs. I have a lot of physical issues along with my emotional issues.

Anyway, we're changing some aspects of my ECT.

I'm doing better. Last night I went out to a club with my partner and his roommates. I didn't freak. It was a good night.

As far as therapy goes, my only option is the county. Every so-called therapist I've seen there has belittled and ignored me. I won't go back.

Glad to hear things are maybe looking a little better. You can probably take credit for some or all of that.

I have no idea what Lortabs are. Some kind of med that they take in Dr. Seuss books?

Not all tdocs are like that. Or, at least, I'm absolutely sure that at least two are not. Oops, make that 3, although I wouldn't call that third guy very effective, in my case. However, I'm about 99.9% sure there are a bunch more reasonable tdocs out there.

Remember that if you are more than just a little depressed, everything looks worse than it is. Including your tdoc, probably.

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