They just. Don't. Get. It.

[Ella]

The topic description being the MI ignoramuses' attitude toward MI.  I'm going to rant a little now about my mom...though she's so MI most people can't tolerate being around her for longer than a few minutes.  But she's existing among the woefully ignorant who deny they have a problem (more like problems out the wazoo!) and think people like me, who readily admit to having a few screws loose, are just "weak-minded".  It's a denial thing, I'm sure.  That doesn't make it any easier to bear.  Ok, it does have a mitigating effect on my anger.  Instead of wanting to wring her neck I just want to scream at her a little.

I have Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, which makes me a little weird about how I go about doing certain things.  One of my "things" is that I can't go out of the house looking like a slob.  I don't have to look like a beauty pageant entrant, but I do have to cover any blemishes and under-eye circles, and the hair cannot be flapping about all over the place.  The hair must be brushed and styled, even if I'm just running to the grocery store for cat food. Well, my mom thinks this is just hilarious.  She came over today while I was getting ready to run out on one of these little errands.  Then she proceeded to tease me about it, and while I wasn't happy I did try to maintain a sense of humor.  Then she pushes the envelope just that bit farther--*dink*, right over the edge--and says in her most biting, sarcastic tone of voice that I'd be in big trouble if someone got me out of bed and forced me out the door without the benefit of make-up or styling products and that is precisely what I need to do to get over this habit of mine.  Her advice is meant to "cure" me, know what I mean?  Like the time I told her I'm socially phobic and she advised me on the art of small talk. 

You know what her job is?  Heaven forbid.  She works with MI young adults in a halfway house.  I can't begin to tell you how sorry I feel for them.  One of her favorite pastimes is to hold forth, with me as her captive audience, on all their foibles and transgressions.  She loves to mention how "slow" they are.  I don't know how it always manages to crop up in discussion, but if you listen to her long enough you'd start to think MI and stupidity are the same affliction.  I always try to inject something like "Well, maybe soandso is just depressed/anxious/learning disabled/heavily medicated/etc."  But that just gets me The Look.  The how-dare-you-imply-I-don't-know-what-the-hell-I'm-talking-about look, of course.  This is the mom, by the way, who, when my grades started falling off in middle school because I was depressed and ADD (undiagnosed at that time) and my anxiety disorders began to really make themselves known, this is the mom who thought that the louder she spoke, and more short-tempered she became, while helping me with homework, the more likely it was to sink in.  Gee, I guess I was just slow, too.  Come to think of it, I thought she was a really great mom for a number of years (compared to my dad she was Parent of the Year material), so maybe there's a grain of truth in there.

I snapped at her for pushing that envelope earlier today, incidentally.  It's always my fault, I'm always the bad one, whenever she pulls her shit and I get angry.  I'm just being temperamental, you know? 

Anyway, if you want to use this thread to rant about stupid people who say utterly stupid things about MI, or MI people, go for it. 

[Ella]

I guess I sound like a pathetic whiner.  Sorry, I'd delete this post if I could.

[spinach pie]

Hi Ella. I don't think you sound like a pathetic whiner. I relate to being frustrated with ones parents, I had a terrible,terrible rage fit last night about my folks. I have finally figured out what I am so angry about. Think it is time to find a tdoc...

I am sorry that your mom harrasses you about your rituals.  The looking-decent-before-leaving-the-house one is something I wish I had felt up to the last six months or so! Must be especially frustrating that she works with MI young adults, so you think,want,need her to be more understanding. My own folks are in serious denial about my BPII, my father has never even mentioned to me that he has a clue about me having any kind of disorder(I started seeking treatment for depression six years ago), my mother just always asks me if the/why aren't the pills working. Also she thinks I make terrible choices,and doesn't hesitate to tell me that everytime I talk to her.

As angry as I am about these things,(and many others) it sounds like a walk in park compared to your mom. Wish I had some helpful advice, but I am trying to figure out a way to talk to my own parents without letting them have it with both barrels.

Thanks for starting this thread. I have a feeling I might need it.

                                                          SP

[Ella]

Can I give you a hug for responding, SP?  Whether you want it or not, here it comes: :::HUG:::  You know, I am just really depressed right now and I felt so shitty last night.  I just wanted one person to hear me.  I feel like I'm trying to bait people into paying attention to me, and maybe this is a kind of sad, unattractive side to me, but when something is preying on my mind I really need a listener.  I don't give a shit whether or not the person has sage advice for me, I don't care if they don't say anything at all (except in a written forum a response is the only way to let someone know you've heard  them out).  I just want to know that someone cares, even just a teeny bit.  That's all.

It doesn't sound like you have very helpful parents either.  What is it with these people, eh?!  I think prospective parents should be given a written and oral exam, and a practical with a stand-in kid, before they're allowed to procreate.  If they can't get the emotional validation part right, ENHHHHH (that's my buzzer sound), they flunk.  No kids for them. 

Thanks for starting this thread. I have a feeling I might need it.

Whale away!  Here, I've got another one: my mom brought me a newspaper article, an op piece, about how technology has supposedly lead to an epidemic of anxiety disorders.  I spend too much time on the computer, so that's why I have anxiety disorders.  :::head slap:::  And to think all this time all I had to do to alleviate my anxiety was turn off the computer.  Riiiiiiiiiiight.  She just can't own up to the fact that she's partly to blame for my screwed-upness (not that I've accused her of such, but, hey, it is true and I'm sure she's thinking it on some level).

[spinach pie]

Hi Ella! Everyone needs an ear to listen(or eyes to read) sometimes. There is no shame in that. I almost always feel better if I can purge what is bothering or hurting me. I am not always able to do that, but I am learning.

So technology is our foe, causing our problems? Hmmp. Well, I'll have you( your mom ) know that since I came to crazymeds, I feel loads better. And I rarely used the computer ( 2-3 times/week, less than an hour at a time). Technology brought me here, and I am grateful! The support of others in the same boat helps sooo much.

Nature vs. nurture: it is so complicated. I know that some of my problem is chemical,but I am learning, even on my own, that my parents had/have significant effect on my sense of self. I need to learn to talk with them constructively so I don't push them away, they and my brother are all I have for family.

I have much pushed down anger that I don't know how to manage. Hopefully I'll find my way...

                                                  Hugs back to you!!!  SP

[Ella]

Everyone needs an ear to listen(or eyes to read) sometimes. There is no shame in that. I almost always feel better if I can purge what is bothering or hurting me. I am not always able to do that, but I am learning.

I guess I'm also learning.  I have been very (too) demanding of others' time and attention in the past and it's only recently (like within the past couple of years recently) occured to me how annoying that must be.  So now I guess I've gone to the opposite extreme where I feel guilty (no, shameful, because I tend to bypass guilt and go straight to shame) for wanting someone to listen or acknowledge my humanity.  And yet I still need it, and not because I'm an emotional leech, but because we all need a an ear to pour our hearts and souls into from time to time.  I just haven't been very good at acknowledging this or letting others know I need to bend their ear a little.  Or that I need a hug.  (I really need a therapist, too, but I'm working on it.) 

Nature vs. nurture: it is so complicated. I know that some of my problem is chemical,but I am learning, even on my own, that my parents had/have significant effect on my sense of self. I need to learn to talk with them constructively so I don't push them away, they and my brother are all I have for family.

I have much pushed down anger that I don't know how to manage. Hopefully I'll find my way...

I think part of my problem is that I swallowed so much anger for so long...I was repressed in the worst way.  Now it's starting to leak out...and my bipolar, or whatever mood disorder/brain issues, is worsening...I don't mean to sound like a victim (I don't want to be a chronic complainer or martyr, I really don't).  I only carry on about how horrible my childhood was/how crazy my mom drives me when I'm in a certain mood. 

I wish I could more easily express what I'm feeling to my mother, let her know when she's gone a bit too far.  I've been able to in the past...I think my brain stuff is out-of-control at the moment.  I try to be understanding but it just isn't happening for me.  Now...right now, today, I feel calm and detached from the madness.  I could handle it now...I just have to get to where nearly every day is like today. 

Thanks for the ear  And the wisdom.

[soulshards]

I don't have to look like a beauty pageant entrant, but I do have to cover any blemishes and under-eye circles, and the hair cannot be flapping about all over the place.  The hair must be brushed and styled, even if I'm just running to the grocery store for cat food.

OMG! I do this too. pff, I even get embarrassed if my neighbor sees me in "morning" mode getting the mail.

for me it's an overly developed self-consciousness.  I grew up being teased at school (yea I got a high forehead, and dark circles, and frizzy hair, well not when I'm done with the war paint I dont!!)

very few people have seen me without the works.  it's who I choose to be, a *finished* classy looking lady.  next time your mom makes fun of you tell her you dont want to look like a hippie.  That usually shuts them up.

[Becca]

  next time your mom makes fun of you tell her you dont want to look like a hippie.  That usually shuts them up.

  (is not really a hippie by Eugene standards, but probably fits the definition anywhere else)

Ella...

My parents are fairly loving, if not understanding, but I really feel the weight of their non-understanding (it's not ignorance, really, it's just...something they can't comprehend) sometimes.  My mom throws money at me.  My dad tries to send me "new-age" books, like Deepak Chopra is going to solve all my problems.  They both tiptoe around me some now, like "Oops, we might break her." 

And while it's a WORLD BEYOND being insulted and a constant object of derision (I did my time there, too) and I definitely don't want to *complain* about it, per se, it can get pretty goddamn insulting.

[CirclesOfConfusion]

I guess I'm also learning.

[Kris]

Guess what, me too.  My supportive dad died about 5 years ago and it's been really hard ever since.  My MI mom who refuses to take any medication for it cause zoloft gave her the trots ha, so she just lives with it.  She has never been very supportive at all.  In fact, I'd say for the most part she is the cause of a lot of my behaviors, habits, self destruction, etc.  I have major depression, OCD, anxiety, and some other things mixed in.  I just wanted to let you know you're not alone with not having supportive parents.  My dad tried, but since mom is MI, I think he was too exhausted to listen.  I think my mom is still embarassed about the fact that a daughter of hers is on AD medication.  Hey, I'll shout it to the world, cause like you I'm tired of being repressed.  I still have a really hard time around her and tend to regress into a 10 year old being told what to do although I'm a 41 year old married with 2 kids woman!  I still try not to piss her off and get her all mad at me.  Hmm, life is really twisted isen't it.  I thank God she lives 40 minutes away and will not attempt to drive to my house (she's too scared - it's too far!). B) She also is not very fond of the phone either   so I get few phone calls (although I'm the bad one for not calling her).  She says that even though she doesn't call, she still loves me, and this is when I was going through my most recent hell of a depression when I was ready to jump off anything high enough to kill me - and she knew it.  Sad.  So, all that said - you're not alone!!!

[soulshards]

~off topic sorry~

 

sad.gif  (is not really a hippie by Eugene standards, but probably fits the definition anywhere else) wink.gif

don't get the wrong idea, Becca   most of my friends would be considered hippies. but the statement works for me because my family is staunchly right wing and they sure wouldn't want to approve of anything related to the left - including looking like it.  by telling them no makeup, natural hair=hippie, I turn their thoughts in on themselves. nifty trick.

eeditd fro typoe

[HaloGirl66]

The topic description being the MI ignoramuses' attitude toward MI.  I'm going to rant a little now about my mom...though she's so MI most people can't tolerate being around her for longer than a few minutes.  But she's existing among the woefully ignorant who deny they have a problem (more like problems out the wazoo!) and think people like me, who readily admit to having a few screws loose, are just "weak-minded".  It's a denial thing, I'm sure.  That doesn't make it any easier to bear.  Ok, it does have a mitigating effect on my anger.  Instead of wanting to wring her neck I just want to scream at her a little.

Anyway, if you want to use this thread to rant about stupid people who say utterly stupid things about MI, or MI people, go for it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My parents are like this - "Just have a positive attitude, snap out of it, blah blah blah" they just don't fucking understand.