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Please read my last post on homeless. I'm sure that the Ativan has sparked some thoughts. I'd be interested in hearing them.

I'm second guessing myself and wondering what part I have played in this scenario. I'm angry too and I don't want to do anything I might regret later.

I'm pretty good a making impulse decisions and remarks this days. ;)

Just could use a little common sense guidance. In the past, these guys have really cared about me and helped me a lot. It still hurts and I miss them terribly. It still hurts so bad.

In earnest,

Sunshine Outside

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Your friends made a mistake, a big mistake, but it sounds like they were misguided...what they thought would be best obviously wasn't.

If you're willing to forgive them, and it sounds like you are, perhaps you could schedule a meeting with them to discuss what happened, why it was not appropriate, etc. They may be avoiding you now because of their own embarrassment; I know I'd be feeling pretty bad if I'd set a friend up like that. They may be afraid of how you'll respond to them; if I had done that, I know I'd be pretty afraid that the person I'd done that to would be angry with me, and I may avoid the person to avoid the confrontation. Among other things, they may be afraid that you'll sue them. Also, those who suggested to them that they should con you into being admitted to a detox unit may have advised them to avoid contact now.

If I were in your place and wanted to re-establish a relationship, I think I'd write them a letter first. For me, it would be easier in writing to express my feelings--facing them, well, my anger might come out inappropriately. I was committed back in the seventies, before 72 hour holds in my state. I wasn't a risk to myself or others at the time, but my parents knew the judge and country attorney, and that alone was pretty much sufficient to have sheriff pick my up. It took me a long time to forgive them. They've never admitted they did anything wrong; in fact, they were angry with me because they thought the psychiatrist who finally released me had not listened to them.

If the relationships are important to you, I hope you're able to restablish them. It will take some time and effort, both on your part and theirs. That's probably not fair, but, well, life isn't always fair. Your trust was abused, and they're probably feeling that they weren't treated well either; that may not be how it looks to you or anyone else who's been wrongfully imprisoned, but since they cared about you, I imagine they really what they did was right.

Good luck,

Sophia

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I think that Sophia's idea or writing a letter is excellent. That way, you can take some time to decide exactly what you want to say and how to word it and they will be able to read your words with less emotion, maybe. Like, if you're standing in front of them and get angry, they could take that as a sign of whatever they think your condition is. With just the words, though, maybe they'll be more likely to listen.

It also sounds kind of if you're doubting whether or not they were right in their concerns. I think that is best answered with the help of your pdoc and tdoc - this sort of unbiased, third-party perspective is why we need them.

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I'd have to agree with sophia and jillista-

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. I had my own pretty strong reaction on the other thread you posted this story on ( long term ativan use under benzos-if you want to read it)

friendships are so hard to find and harder when there is a threat of losing them.

It seems you understand they had good intentions, and maybe if you can find a way to share that with them its a start. clearly as you describe them they come from a "recovery" background and may be super sensitive to the possibillities.

It must be hard to try to explain when people are quick to say its denial. i'd think they'd have to be willing and able to hear your side- and that's where the letter might be a good start- you have their undivided attention without the initial face to face stress. That might come easier after a letter.

I'm sure they value you and your friendship otherwise they wouldn't have even bothered with all this. I know you were wondering about your role in this. Can you think back to anything you may have said or done that would make them so worried they would go to such extremes? Maybe a tdoc would be willing to have a friend join a session to try to figure it all out- a nice neutral buffer to make things more clear?

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this incredibley painful ordeal that seems to have turned your life upside down.

It does seem that you are doing great at turning it right side up- I admire your perserverance! best of luck in managing this and everything else too.

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SO, I read the entry, and I guess I'm not clear on which person it is that you want to make up with. You have said that your sons helped you move, so they're okay with everything, right? Your former significant other.......well, it would take me a while to forgive him. I think he was confusing you with his drug-addict daughter.

I know lots of people with anxiety who have been on benzos for many, many years. If you were taking the dose prescribed by your pdoc, than they had no business packing you off to an addictions place. I'm sorry, but if they felt you had a problem, they should have contacted the pdoc and tdoc, and worked with them on this.

I also think a letter is a good idea, but I would write it, and then put it in a drawer for a few days. Take it out, read it, and maybe revise it a little before you send it.

Also, before you contact anyone who was involved in this "intervention," I would discuss the situation thoroughly with your tdoc and ask for advice on how to proceed.

Hang in there and pretty soon you will be proving them all wrong and taking care of yourself very nicely.

olga

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:)

Please read my last post on homeless. I'm sure that the Ativan has sparked some thoughts. I'd be interested in hearing them.

I'm second guessing myself and wondering what part I have played in this scenario. I'm angry too and I don't want to do anything I might regret later.

I'm pretty good a making impulse decisions and remarks this days. ;)

Just could use a little common sense guidance. In the past, these guys have really cared about me and helped me a lot. It still hurts and I miss them terribly. It still hurts so bad.

Sorry, I failed to note it was one of your posts earlier, hence I didn't read it at first.

Sigh! You really having a tough time, I wish I could help more than just type words....

Common sense.... Nah! Sorry, I'm not too good at that.... I have to make do with the occasional sops of uncommon sense I have. Sometimes my uncommon sense works. Sometimes it goes scarily wrong.

So here come some wild guesses....

* Uncommon sense rule 1.... If things are weird and confusing....more than one thing is going wrong at the same time. eg. The SO is having his own personal issues/hang ups at the same time you are. eg. The Ativan withdrawal / something is causing more problems than you realize. eg. Some third party is stirring things up without full knowledge... ie. I fully expect more than one/two/three... utterly independent glitches to be happening at the same time.

* Uncommon sense rule 2.... Miscommunication is the mother of all stuff ups. Somebodies, probably several somebodies, have heard half a story somewhere. First order of the day, in the lowest stress environment possible, find out in the least blaming way possible, just what WHAT THE FLAMING HELL each of the players in the story were thinking. Odds on they had nary a clue about what you were thinking either. Life is sort stupid like that.

* Uncommon sense rule 3.... Shit happens. In fact clearly lots of bad shit is happening to you now. So go into survival mode. Take care of yourself, eat, take the meds, smash holes in time and grab time for exercise and take do (long fast walks), make mental blah blah blah blah noises in your head when the noise levels outside ramp up.

* Uncommon sense rule 4.... Beware of speed wobbles. Things are changing too fast. Put a bit of treacle on all potentially permanent decisions.... Slow...them... down. eg. Insist on consulting with all friends and family and dogs and cats and.... (Good slow down technique)

* Uncommon sense rule 5.... Stroke, speak to, pay direct and vivid attention to all animals.

* Uncommon sense rule 6.... Find fairly sound proof and private location. SCREAM! RANT! SHOUT! CRY! THROW THINGS! SCREAM!

* Uncommon sense rule 7.... Burn no bridges, but now is the time to start building new ones.

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