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THIS is about ME!


jillista

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I'm contemplating a move (Pennsylvania to Texas - not like across town or anything), primarily because I can't find a freakin' job and things don't seem to be looking up in the crappy "city" I live in, but this is a huge, huge decision that has me very conflicted. Predictably, though, everyone around me seems to be making this about them.

I've lived in Texas before and moved back to live closer to my family. The last time I moved, I was basically disowned - it was very ugly for many years - my mom said that the reason I moved was to make a big statement to the world that she was a bad mother. ;) Yes - it was about her. This time, though, my parents know that I have been miserable and they have actually been pretty worried about me for most of the three years I've been back. Lack of decent jobs = lack of health insurance = being on and off meds this whole time. Not good. So, my dad told me that he couldn't tell me whether or not to move, but that he really doesn't think I was ever happy there. Now, there are LOTS of good things about my parents, especially my dad, but understanding thing one about my moods is not one of them. No - HE was not happy with me being there. Adding to the problem is that if I move, it will be to take a job working for people that were very, very wonderful to me when I lived there before - my family there - the people I spent holidays with when I didn't fly home. So, my parents are jealous of that. I can understand them being upset that they're not in the same position to offer me the help that I need, but why do I need to feel bad about taking the help from someone else? Plus, my parents are truck drivers. Yes, I see them far more often than I would if I moved to Texas, but they made the choice to quit their respective jobs and do this - I was completely supportive while other people called them crazy, but now that it's my turn to do what's best for me, I'm being selfish.

My best friend here in PA just doesn't want me to leave her. She is at least interspersing her comments with a little, "but I do want you to be happy." But then she just says that we'll have to find me a job here. I've been trying to do that for a year now. I'm not just pissing around with this. Points for her, though, because the conversation in general is still about me.

Today, I mentioned it to my roommate (side note - I wouldn't be leaving until our lease is over - me leaving wouldn't screw her in any way, just so we're clear) and it happens that her sister and mother are also considering moving (really, this area is BAD for jobs. It just is). So, I spent the entire day hearing about EVERYONE is leaving HER. Finally, after the millionth time that she said that she's soooo depressed that everyone is leaving her, I said that I am soooo depressed because my life is shit. Part of her whole deal is that she is going to be getting engaged soon, then getting married and having kids in the next couple of years. So, she's upset that nobody's going to be around her to pay enough attention as she plans her wedding and has babies. Pardon me if I can't feel bad about you.

These are the people that are supposed to be my support system - and this decision is tearing me apart right now and they can't get past themselves. It makes me feel selfish that I want things to be about me for a little while, which pisses me off, because I shouldn't feel selfish! I am trying to do what is best for me and my life and my health. Screw them all.

Okay, I just edited this to bitch more, so I guess I'll stop now. Boy, does it feel good to start getting this out, though.

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Just do what makes you happy and sane and screw everyone else. You deserve to have less stress in your life. I know how hard it is to find a job. Where I live, it is like that and my job history doesn't help. Good luck. Forget about your selfish roommate.

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My only hesitation would be about the job in Texas. If it's for real, and it's a job you will enjoy, then you have to do what's good for you. It's unfortunate that your parents have such a juvenile point of view, but it's not your job to help them grow up.

In case you ever have children----you've had a great example of what NOT to do when your children spread their wings and go out on their own.

They need to pull up their pants and act like grownups.

olga

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Live your life for you. First to provide the basic necessities. Returning to a job you've had before, working for people you like, that meets your need for food, shelter and medicine, sounds ideal.

It's sad to leave friends, but I can tell you that through life, your circle of friends will slowly change, grow and contract. Even if you didn't move, ten years from now you would have mostly different friends. Don't forget that they will get married, divorced, start/finish school, get jobs, have kids and move away too. There are nice people everywhere, if you make yourself open to meeting them.

You seem to have pretty good insight to your parents and family. You may not be living like they would, but as long as you are supporting yourself in an ethical manner, they have no say. Don't even listen to their hangups. Don't shut them out, but pick and choose where and how often you interact with them. It's possible to live a small town and NOT see family for a month at a time (busy gal!). ;) It's not necessary to take mom's calls every night, or even every week (darn answering machine keeps dropping those calls. mmm).

And remember, that going to Texas isn't a one time deal. You can always move back, or someplace else after you get on your feet, the economy improves, you get some school, or job experience.....or just wanna live somewhere else.

Do what your head tells you is smart. (here's your traveling shoes)

best, a.m.

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Thanks, guys. You're all saying things that I know are true, and it's just what I need to have them validated. This job is a great opportunity. For one thing, I'd be making more money than I even thought - not the only reason to take the job, but money is definitely something that I need to worry about right now. Also, it's a good company with leadership that I can trust. I don't have to make a decision yet, though. I'm still applying for jobs and trying to find whatever ways I can to get some money together to make this move (don't worry - I'm staying within the law ;) ) I'm feeling a lot better about making this decision on my own, though.

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I've found both livejournal and facebook good for staying in touch with friends who are in past locations for me. It's not the same kind of friendship as comes from living in the same place, but I've found it valuable and meaningful to be able to see where they're at in the lives and what they're doing.

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