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I was searching for something about one of my problems, (you know, I don't even remember which one!) and turned up a topic here, and it was actually... not fluffy. So I figured I'd join. I really just... ugh. Can't stand the whole "but it will all work out in the end, honey, here, have a hug" thing. It doesn't always work out in the end, and I only want hungs from close friends and boyfriend.

My "normal" friends are all nice, but they just don't have a clue how flipping FRUSTRATING it is to be trying to figure this all out. I'm only just starting in on the trying of different medications, and between side-effects and stress and who knows what else I don't even know which way is up any more sometimes. I have something happen and I go "Is that the meds, or is that me being crazy, or is that normal?" No clue!

Depression is my major issue, and of course I managed to have EVERY listed side-effect except one (and TWO that my doctor didn't tell me about, for bonus points) of the first thing I tried. Bleah.

I also have thyroid problems. Depression + low thyroid = do nothing but sleep and mope. Extra bleah.

And I'm just kind of weird otherwise. I have mild sound -> touch synesthesia, bizarre sleep patterns (makes telling if I'm tired because of thyroid issues, because of depression, or just because my biorythms decided to reset themselves to New Zealand time this week entertaining), start getting the acid trip crawlies and/or act like I'm stoned whenever I'm sleep deprived (all the time) and have a case of what you can either call benign multiple personalities or a really active imagination, I don't care which one you prefer, the effect in my head is the same, which is I can talk to myself and I answer back.

Okay, this is getting long and silly, and I probably shouldn't be typing it at this hour, considering my current sleep state, which is "body has decided to go back to wanting 13 hours a day, despite thyroid levels being tested normal, and I'm up 5 hours past when I should have gone to bed to get that" so I'm a little loopy, and the walls are pulsing, wheee.

But anyhow, a place called 'crazyboards' where they don't do cyber-hugs sounded about right for me, so here I am, hi.

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I only want hungs from close friends and boyfriend.

I think I thought of half a dozen things to say while reading that, but as it's also way past my bedtime, the only one I can remember after reaching the end is, "You want your boyfriend hung, eh?"

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Welcome! We probably can't help the people in your life be better-hung, although we'd probably offer that service if we could - hey, whatever works to make life better.... (: But we're happy to talk about how sleep regulation is hard but incredibly helpful and how frustrating it is that people without mental illnesses often just don't get it.

What did you try for depression? Have you tried stuff for sleep?

What are acid trip crawlies? (I've never tried illegal drugs, my brain broke and then I had more altered states than I ever wanted from bipolar/meds/migraines...)

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Well, I have this extreme dislike of medication (ha! the irony!) so I've never tried anything for the sleep. I'm the kind of person where it has to be seriously screwing me up for a long time before I'm going to take pills for it, and given that this last time the pills just screwed me up more, I feel vindicated.

Anyhow, for the depression I was on Sertraline, now I'm taking Bupropion, but I haven't been taking it long enough to know what it's going to do, I just started.

As for acid trip crawlies, they're a mild visual hallucination that's often reported by people who've done LSD, and are also reported by people with extreme sleep deprivation. (And are reported by me when I'm mildly sleep deprived, for some reason.) Basically they're when the walls, ceiling, or other textured surface appears to come "alive" and the texture starts crawling around. There's also pulsing, and rippling, and funny colors and patterns moving across the surface. It's fairly entertaining, actually.

And I have no comment about the hung-ness of my boyfriend.

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I'm only just starting in on the trying of different medications, and between side-effects and stress and who knows what else I don't even know which way is up any more sometimes. I have something happen and I go "Is that the meds, or is that me being crazy, or is that normal?" No clue!

welcome to a hobby that will keep you engaged the rest of your mentally-interesting life.

and welcome to the boards. i promise not to hug you.

bean

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