Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

I fought integration....at first


Recommended Posts

I Was Dx'd with DID,had several alters. I did not want to integrate......was afraid to lose them...also was afraid to BECOME THEM! My T said it was up to me. Most people I met said not to do it. After working on being able to be aware of switiching and then staying there to feel what was happening, I decided I wasnt as afraid and would feel less confused if I wasnt fragemented. Anyway...they integrated themselves one day ontheir own...I tried to stop it. But it was done. IT was a rough adjustment living as one...very strange. A lot of therpay to help me get through that . BUt I am one now. But for th elongest time it worked to have alters, so I think it is what ever is working , and for me ...it was time. They started acting up, kindof as a way to show them selves, be discovered and have some sort of change becaue it wasnt working anymore. did this happen to any of you? Was it as hard for you to cope as one as it was for me???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest lifewanderer

I Was Dx'd with DID,had several alters. I did not want to integrate......was afraid to lose them...also was afraid to BECOME THEM! My T said it was up to me. Most people I met said not to do it. After working on being able to be aware of switiching and then staying there to feel what was happening, I decided I wasnt as afraid and would feel less confused if I wasnt fragemented. Anyway...they integrated themselves one day ontheir own...I tried to stop it. But it was done. IT was a rough adjustment living as one...very strange. A lot of therpay to help me get through that . BUt I am one now. But for th elongest time it worked to have alters, so I think it is what ever is working , and for me ...it was time. They started acting up, kindof as a way to show them selves, be discovered and have some sort of change becaue it wasnt working anymore. did this happen to any of you? Was it as hard for you to cope as one as it was for me???

I recently integrated all parts of me and no longer see them. I still hear them every once in awhile. The hardest part is coping with all the jumbled emotions at one time. I tend to get overwhelmed often and can only describe the feeling as "smooshed." It's not a good feeling. I had to accept the reality of the outside world......it can be very harsh.

But I'm learning to cope with people and not "run away." I'm learning to accept and grieve that the things I wished for were not going to happen. And I've learned how to talk to myself in order to calm myself. After listening to what the inside people had to tell me for a years, I guess they finally felt that I heard them.

There were no big bells and whistles for me either when I stopped dissociating. I just started to stay here when I had strong feelings. Now I'm having appropriate feelings for the situation. Gradually, the people just got more and more faint. I truly used to see them as solid as a 3D person. It was explained to me that I was so cut off from the emotions that I couldn't even stand having them near me.

I know the people are still inside because I'll have a panic attack for something that an adult would think was trivial, but a child wouldn't. I've just gotten in the habit of saying calming words and trying to understand why they are so upset. I guess I've learned to comfort and parent all parts of me. Maybe that's why they don't feel so strongly and fight amongst themselves anymore. They know I will take care of them. It was also time for me to stop being split because not only was I split from sadness and pain.......I was split from all feeling including happines and joy.

The outside world doesn't make sense and it is harsh. But I still want to be there. I want to learn how people live in such a crazy mixed up place and I want the adventure of learning how to live here. I was also tired of being afraid in both worlds. The inside world stayed afraid when we thought the outside world was threatening. Now we see we can handle outside world problems. Inside finally feels safe and contented.

I'm still learning and yes,.........it's hard. But what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger, right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...