Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Two active "Beep-ders" in one household


Recommended Posts

Hi all again--

My mother and I both share most of the criteria of Borderline PD (as did her father, RIP 1987, suicide). She never held "it" in, taking her explosive rages (her official dx is "intermittent explosive disorder"), out on the only other person who was home with her all the time (i.e., me). She was always nice to Dad due to their culture's (now former) rules of female household submission, and Dad was mostly away from home, married also to his work as a postdoctorate slave (which he was until 1991, and until the late 90s/in high school, most of my friends thought my mom was divorced since they'd never seen my father!).

I have severe splitting issues and rapidly cycling moods, and I'm not sure whether or not they were genetically inherited from my mother or ingrained into me by having her as a "role model" and "copying" her behavior once I got to a certain age (of course, "both" is likely the valid answer). I am now 24 years old, and I find myself finally starting to act out as she did when she was 24. And I remember her being 24, I was 5 at the time and we ended up with a lot of broken objects in the house, mainly due to her sending them flying at the floor in front of me. And the verbal abuse (which I have also engaged in the past few years, often directed right back at the source).

So I'm starting to snap on an intermittent basis. Not just verbally, but also physically. Namely, every time she overreacts to a small stimulus. Just as an overly lengthy example, last week I made the mistake of informing her that I'd made a few small tiled covers ("listellos") for my desk to stop it from getting scratched, and her reaction involved screaming at my face for several minutes about how it was disrespectful of me to put things that belonged on the floor onto HER desk. (n.B. - they were wall tiles, and had never been used before. They deserved to be on that desk a lot more than did some underprotected computer components of mine.)

As usual, I tried explaining myself, but to no avail, she just doesn't listen when she's in this kind of mood, and kept on screaming about how disrespectful I was to "her" desk. She demanded to see one of these tile covers, and I mistakenly brought down the one that hadn't been sealed yet, giving it a rather grouty feel that you wouldn't want to put high-tech components on. After seeing it, she got extremely angry and demanded it for use in the kitchen as a countertop trivet (?!?!?!?!).

So, what did I do? I did anything a rational human being would've done. I walked outside onto our concrete porch, and smashed the 8x10" listello as hard as I could against it, shattering off tile pieces from the edges, and leaving raw (somewhat unset) cement grout exposed. Then, I took the half-shattered listello and stuck a casserole dish containing breakfast onto it. Nice hot pot trivet, eh. And an even nicer, very, VERY, VERY taboo action in Asian households... a disrespect of food. An intentional one.of it, no less. Hell, if I were going to be eating what was in that pot, I'd be angry too! I knew I was doing something that was hugely taboo in our household, and solely for the purpose of pissing my mother off. Looking back at it, I'm fairly sure it was my innate borderline tendencies, the vicious cycle between my mother and me, ad of course, all this aggressive behavior that started along w/my neurological infection.

Sequelae included my father getting pissed off at me as well and informing me that I should have greater gratitude that they put up with my tendencies to stay up to midnight and past that (parents go to bed at about 8-9 PM, and the fact that it's still light out then at the western end of our time zone here just pisses off everybody, to top it all off!). (I wanted to inform him how much I appreciated being awakened at 4 AM by their noises, and the fact that I'd be out of the house if it were up to me and not some bacteria and my immune system, but I for once kept my mouth shut.) Needless to say, Dad didn't seem to be on my side at the time. Or that's just my splitting side talking again.

Very ironic on many counts how my mother was telling me I was such a "sweet, sweet little boy" the week prior.

Anyways, I see this "triangulation" of behavior occurring between two borderlines residing together. I am wondering whether anybody else here has experienced or seen this... Most of what I read consists of us borderlines having to act appropriately towards non-borderlines. Would definitely like to hear about your borderline-borderline interactions.

And if there's a version of "Walking on Eggshells" for borderlines themselves to use with other borderlines. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...