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My partner is great but for one thing


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hello,

My partner of almost 3 months is a great guy. He accepts my MI and other problems, along with all my bitching about it. He's great around my daughter, He's loving, affectionate and patient. Very patient. I could seriously see myself with this guy forever.

There is just one thing. He is nearly constantly calling me stud, sexy, and so on. Our conversations tend to get very graphic and sexual. That can be a bad thing because intimacy (with either sex) really freaks me out. I haven't had sex in almost a decade. I don't know why, but sexual stuff makes me uncomfortable. We've had some fun but all-out sex.

So I don't know what I should do. I feel like I'm the one who always takes and he always gives as far as emotional stuff. I feel if I brought this up, I would not only be taking more but also asking him to change and I don't want to do that.

He knows about my discomforts and doesn't try to force himself on me at all. It's just all this talk. It drives me crazy.

Thanks in advance.

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That can be a bad thing because intimacy (with either sex) really freaks me out. I haven't had sex in almost a decade. I don't know why, but sexual stuff makes me uncomfortable. We've had some fun but all-out sex.

So I don't know what I should do. I feel like I'm the one who always takes and he always gives as far as emotional stuff. I feel if I brought this up, I would not only be taking more but also asking him to change and I don't want to do that.

Off the top of my head questions:

When you run it through in your head, what do you think would happen if you said just what you wrote above to him? What do you fear would happen?

What do you want to be doing differently here? Having different conversations with him, or accepting his more sexual communication? (I ask because it's kind of hard to get to the goal if it's undefined.)

When he is flirtatious / seductive / sexual, how does it make you feel? Define uncomfortable a little more carefully. (Example: 'uncomfortable' because I feel at risk of losing the relationship, 'uncomfortable' because I feel sexually pressured and uncertain of myself, etc.)

Is this new behavior on his part, or has he been this way all along? If it's new, when did it start? What else in the relationship terms changed about that time?

No advice, just a bunch of questions. ;)

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That can be a bad thing because intimacy (with either sex) really freaks me out. I haven't had sex in almost a decade. I don't know why, but sexual stuff makes me uncomfortable. We've had some fun but all-out sex.

So I don't know what I should do. I feel like I'm the one who always takes and he always gives as far as emotional stuff. I feel if I brought this up, I would not only be taking more but also asking him to change and I don't want to do that.

Off the top of my head questions:

When you run it through in your head, what do you think would happen if you said just what you wrote above to him? What do you fear would happen?

What do you want to be doing differently here? Having different conversations with him, or accepting his more sexual communication? (I ask because it's kind of hard to get to the goal if it's undefined.)

When he is flirtatious / seductive / sexual, how does it make you feel? Define uncomfortable a little more carefully. (Example: 'uncomfortable' because I feel at risk of losing the relationship, 'uncomfortable' because I feel sexually pressured and uncertain of myself, etc.)

Is this new behavior on his part, or has he been this way all along? If it's new, when did it start? What else in the relationship terms changed about that time?

No advice, just a bunch of questions. ;)

Thanks, Wifezilla. I don't have a tdoc right now.

I don't really fear what he would do If I told him. I just don't want to compromise him. I know that doesn't make much sense.

I want the comments to be substantially reduced. A little is ok, but all the time in cellphone texts and via talking is just too much.

I would define uncomfortable as feeling sexually pressured and unsure of myself. My sexual performance was spotty before meds but now it's worse.

His comments are nothing new. It's been like this since the beginning. But like I said, everything else in the relationship is great. I just don't know how to approach the issue. Perhaps I am afraid of how he might react. I just don't know.

Thank you

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No, not wanting to compromise him makes complete sense. On the other hand, maybe give some more weight to his ability to decide what he wants to do or not do - along with the feedback to make that decision.

Otherwise it seems like a situation ripe for all sorts of "mind reading" expectations and errors.

Maybe explaining that it dilutes the power of those statements and words? After all, no one can live on nothing but dark chocolate, all the time. (Right?) You need some variety so you can appreciate it when the flirtation carries more meaning.

Does he know about your worries about sexual performance? It almost sounds like maybe he's trying to 'build you up.'

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I think you're right. I thing he may be trying to "build me up". He knows about my low self esteem. He does know about my issues with sexual performance. Right around the beginning I sat him down and told him about my problems. My MI, My arthritits, migraines and other conditions. Some things can be deal breakers. Like I've said before, he's very accepting.

I do like the dark chocolate approach. I'll ginve that some serious thought.

Thanks you

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