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is this disassociation?


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More than once in my life, and for different people, I've really and truly thought, "I wish so-and-so would just die so I don't have to deal with them anymore." Or occasionally I would hope that someone would die because they're making someone else's life miserable, and I'm helpless to stop them. ;) Of course, when I'm deeply depressed, I wish that I would die, then it would save me the trouble of killing myself. :) I wonder if that's the same thing?

NOTE: I don't want to kill the other people because I'm not particularly violent unless I'm manic (even then, I'm too afraid of getting caught to act on my tendencies), I just wish they would go to bed one night and never wake up. Or, if I really don't like them, I wish they would get into a particularly bad car accident.

And the strange part is, I don't even have to hate or really even dislike these people. They're just an annoyance to me. On occasion, I've felt a strong affection for them, but they've obviously lived their lives and should really just move on (in my mind).

Most of the time, these thoughts are fleeting, but once in a while, they're persistent. I have one or two people in my life that I've thought this about for years. Of course, I would never say it to them because I know that society frowns on these thoughts. But since I know that, I'm wondering if I should worry that I have them... Because I don't feel bad about them. I don't think I'm a horrible person, and I feel only the tiniest bit of guilt for it - and the guilt isn't for wishing them dead, it's for wishing them dead for my benefit. In other words, I feel guilty for being selfish. So, I'm wondering if this is a part of having bi-polar, or just a part of being me?

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No this has nothing whatsoever to do with dissociation.

Dissociation is a state of acute mental decompensation in which certain thoughts, emotions, sensations, and/or memories are compartmentalized because they are too overwhelming for the conscious mind to integrate.

No this has nothing to do with bipolar disorder.

a.m.

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Guest Guest_patheral_*

Yeah, I don't know why I was thinking disassociation... My mind is completely gone today. I've been reading through my posts on other forums too, and with all the mistakes and the crap that's flowing from my fingers... I think it's time for me to take a break from the internet for a while. :-/

Jeez.

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Yeah, I don't know why I was thinking disassociation... My mind is completely gone today. I've been reading through my posts on other forums too, and with all the mistakes and the crap that's flowing from my fingers... I think it's time for me to take a break from the internet for a while. :-/

Jeez.

it was just a mistake.

sometimes we all need to step away from the computer (for a myriad of reasons)... but don't stress about a little mistake.

besides, i enjoy your net presence. (don't be a stranger, in other words.)

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hi patheral.

i don't know what else to say except that sometimes i think it, too. that it really doesn't matter how it happens, i just wish it would, and quickly, to a couple of people who have either made life very hard for me or someone i care about. i also know that being aware that i have the capacity to think this way gives me a lot of grief, because it sooo does not line up with my own sense of ethics.

i know that young kids often think like that when they want someone to go away or when they're really angry. i guess as adults we're supposed to stop that. i don't know why sometimes we don't. all i know is there's a big difference between those of us who think it and are troubled by it, and those of us who think it and either celebrate it or act on it. i don't think i'm hurting anybody but me when i think that way. you probably aren't either.

but i don't know what it's a symptom of if anything. maybe we're just a little more in touch with what's actually a very normal human characteristic. i'd probably choose to live in denial of it too if i could.

- rita (hoping that made some semblance of sense.... i feel superawkward talking about it)

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