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Talking to myself a lot and other symptoms


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I've been doing this for years. Even as a six year old kid I would imagine myself talking to my pen-pal from a far-away country, as if he is visiting (showing him around - tell him about local customs...) I was never delusional though - I knew that it's all in my head and that it's just a fantasy, but I did that - almost constantly and unconsciously.

Sometimes, I act as if I were rehearsing for an important meeting, and I would actually verbally and vocally practice my lines (though softly so people won't hear it). I would verbally practice telling jokes and pretend the audience was there. I never thought it was really a problem.

But tonight, can't sleep. And I kept thinking of how to describe things to the pdoc (appt in 6 weeks). I took a Valium and all the noise died down, and then I realise how tiring and annoying all that self-talk was.

Would this constitute OCD? I mean, proof-reading and rehearsing for an interview is perfectly acceptable, but I find that I am doing it in excess and to my detriment. Am I just thinking too much?

I also pick my scabs, cuticles, bite my nails... As a kid I had to step on the lines for every step I walk. Never thought too much of this, but I think from now on I would try to eliminate these "bad habits".

I also have this tendency to keep replaying past situations in my mind - it could be say a meeting with someone two weeks ago where I told a risque joke that wasn't funny, or made a faux pas comment. I would then suddenly feel agitated and frustrated, and make an angry noise (like how Homer does his "D'oh!" thing).

But I am already being treated for bipolar and on a rather high dose of Luvox. Does this mean anything?

Thank you so much for reading this. This forum has helped me make sense of a lot of my oddities that I had always kept somewhat secret.

raining.

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  • 2 weeks later...

i honestly do not think that this constitutes OCD.

i have a friend with OCD. he has to walk around the house exactly 3 times, everytime he leaves the house.

this is all i know about him, except for the fact that he used to do cocaine.

and i do the same thing, reply conversations over and over again in my head, and then try to think of what i would have done differently.

"should i have said something wittier, perhaps a little more seductive, why am i not as funny as my other friends?" etc

i think you should write down your thoughts on this as they come, then read them out loud to your doctor, or let him/her read them.

then calmly explain the other sides of the sitch, if any.

i wouldnt diagnose myself with anything else in a hurry, love.

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yeah I do/have done all those things...

I do the "replaying situations" - I tend to think most people do.... sometimes I do that to excess when I am obsessed about something/someone... or if I'm feeling anxious, especially if I feel I have made some mistake or I am having self-esteem problems.

I don't see any compulsive behaviour in what you said. Maybe a bit of obsessive tendencies, but many folks have those including me.

Many things you are saying seems to indicate that you have lot of anxiety and you worry a lot, like the biting fingernails etc. I tend to think if it went away when you took a benzo it may have been anxiety that was causing all the "noise", though I don't know if you are maybe elevated a bit at the moment too. But anyway I'm no professional, just my fairly uninformed opinion.

If you think its a problem, sure talk to your pdoc... but perhaps talking to a psychologist about things might also help.

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Yeah. I think the word is to "ruminate". For that I find Zyprexa to be rather effective (but side effects). Valium seems to somewhat help, but in a less effective though more comfortable way.

Apart from the ruminations is the picking of scabs - I know they'll heal faster if I don't pick them, but so often I do it without realising. I can tell myself to stop and I'll stop, but soon I'll be doing it unconsciously again (likewise biting of nails).

But you know that feeling, when your standing on the veranda on an afternoon with a cup of tea. You have your concerns and worries, but that you're mind is relatively calm and quiet? For me it's a relatively rare feeling to come by without benzos. (So perhaps all the obsessions and ruminations are garden-variety anxieties)

Romantic obsessions can be nipped in the bud by another class of drugs - most of you probably know, but I'm not telling! :-P

r.

yeah I do/have done all those things...

I do the "replaying situations" - I tend to think most people do.... sometimes I do that to excess when I am obsessed about something/someone... or if I'm feeling anxious, especially if I feel I have made some mistake or I am having self-esteem problems.

I don't see any compulsive behaviour in what you said. Maybe a bit of obsessive tendencies, but many folks have those including me.

Many things you are saying seems to indicate that you have lot of anxiety and you worry a lot, like the biting fingernails etc. I tend to think if it went away when you took a benzo it may have been anxiety that was causing all the "noise", though I don't know if you are maybe elevated a bit at the moment too. But anyway I'm no professional, just my fairly uninformed opinion.

If you think its a problem, sure talk to your pdoc... but perhaps talking to a psychologist about things might also help.

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I was actually told that the voice in the back of my head (not mine) versus the one in the front of my head (mine) was a major symptom of OCD. My doc finding out that I had that voice since I was 3 (can't remember lower ages than that) was the moment he looked at me and asked if I had ever thought of going on meds. And he was treating me for substance abuse. Many people don't realize that not everyone with OCD will be ritualists (handwashers, things all pointing north etc). OCD is really a lot more complex than you think.

I used to - and sometimes still do - many of the things you just said. Talk to people (or objects as if they were people) who are not there. Reimagine much of the past. I used to think it was simply an active imagination - but now I know there is something else wrong. And my head has not been quiet in years!!! And it is OCD - just not the typical form. And OCD can come packaged with anxiety. I know that all too well.

BTW - I do the scab/zit picking as well. Somehow the nail thing went away after two years of fakes. But I can't promise that will work for everyone.

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I have the same exact voice thing as you RAINING, here's an example of one thing you said, but I've had the other voice things as well:

"I would imagine myself talking to my pen-pal from a far-away country, as if he is visiting (showing him around - tell him about local customs...) I was never delusional though - I knew that it's all in my head and that it's just a fantasy, but I did that - almost constantly and unconsciously."

I've been caught mouthing words to myself many times = tres embarrassing.

I actually have every single thing you mentioned in your first post. I don't think I have OCD though.

HELENWHEELS, your two voice thing sounds somewhat familiar. Could you explain more? If not, I totally understand. Thak you for sharing!

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HELENWHEELS, your two voice thing sounds somewhat familiar. Could you explain more? If not, I totally understand. Thak you for sharing!

The best way I can explain it is that in the "front" of my head - almost litterally - I hear my voice. The regular one that helps you get through the day, make decisions etc. The one in the "back" of my head will do anything from continually running a song in the back of my head (I can remember lyrics to songs I have barely heard and don't even like) or it is a laundry list of things I should be doing. The worst though (and the reason for the meds effexor xr, trazadone, etc) is when the voice becomes hateful towards me. Tells me that I should be doing this, that and the other. It is the voice that controls my OCD and points out everything wrong with, let's say, my living room. I would kill to have one of those uncluttered houses so I don't have to look at everything all the time and want to move it around.

Does that help?

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HELENWHEELS, your two voice thing sounds somewhat familiar. Could you explain more? If not, I totally understand. Thak you for sharing!

The best way I can explain it is that in the "front" of my head - almost litterally - I hear my voice. The regular one that helps you get through the day, make decisions etc. The one in the "back" of my head will do anything from continually running a song in the back of my head (I can remember lyrics to songs I have barely heard and don't even like) or it is a laundry list of things I should be doing. The worst though (and the reason for the meds effexor xr, trazadone, etc) is when the voice becomes hateful towards me. Tells me that I should be doing this, that and the other. It is the voice that controls my OCD and points out everything wrong with, let's say, my living room. I would kill to have one of those uncluttered houses so I don't have to look at everything all the time and want to move it around.

Does that help?

ok... maybe theres a whole heap of us here with OCD? :)

I get this a lot more when I'm elevated though - at least I have more arguments with myself like yesterday I was grocery shopping and I get "you don't need that, and you can't afford it! oh fuck off I've got a credit card! blah blah blah... oh shut the fuck up!" etc. And I was thinking maybe I was paranoid cos everyone seemed to be looking at me funny, then I realised I was saying "my" part out loud - oops ;)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Replaying conversations, practicing talking out loud to a real person, and things like this is a coping mechanism. It helps you feel more relaxed. It is how you process things that have or will happen. I'm not seeing the OCD component. Not that it matters what it is. If you want to change it, work on it in therapy. If you don't want to change it, then it doesn't sound like it is harming anything if you are completely alone.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Re: the imaginary conversations with the pen pal: Sometimes I'll spend really a long acting out in my head a completely implausible conversation with someone (like, it will be someone I don't even know and am unlikely to meet, or about a complex situation I completely made up, or even with a fictional character!). Over and over, with random variations each time. It will become a significant part of my inner life for the time while I'm doing it and it will be hard for me to focus on the real world.

I think that it is part OCD and part asperger traits (it mainly happens when I'm not getting sufficient social input, my brain will try to "practice"). I rarely say things out loud though.

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I've just been reading a bit on schizophrenia and evolutionary psychology. The theory goes:

1. It is normal to mumble and talk to yourself. Everyone does it. It's a coping mechanism and helps us practice for social interaction.

2. In schizophrenia, this "practicing" gets over the top. The person loses touch with reality, and the "practice" becomes delusions (eg voices inside the head).

It's a sketchy but interesting theory (after all psychology isn't an exact science). Is it true that everyones talks to themselves sometimes? (like walking down a quiet street alone) Sometimes the thoughts keep going and have to be intercepted with Zyprexa - does that mean that there is sz in me?

To all those people who have imaginary conversations: do antipsychotics stop them?

Interesting in all your thoughts.

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Never taken antipsychotics so I guess I don't know. I am sure that what I do has approached the level of actual delusions, but sz itself (as opposed to OCD/depression with psychotic symptoms, or delusional disorder) has a sort of disorganized-thought component that I don't think I have. I dunno.

I've just been reading a bit on schizophrenia and evolutionary psychology. The theory goes:

1. It is normal to mumble and talk to yourself. Everyone does it. It's a coping mechanism and helps us practice for social interaction.

2. In schizophrenia, this "practicing" gets over the top. The person loses touch with reality, and the "practice" becomes delusions (eg voices inside the head).

It's a sketchy but interesting theory (after all psychology isn't an exact science). Is it true that everyones talks to themselves sometimes? (like walking down a quiet street alone) Sometimes the thoughts keep going and have to be intercepted with Zyprexa - does that mean that there is sz in me?

To all those people who have imaginary conversations: do antipsychotics stop them?

Interesting in all your thoughts.

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The best way I can explain it is that in the "front" of my head - almost litterally - I hear my voice. The regular one that helps you get through the day, make decisions etc. The one in the "back" of my head will do anything from continually running a song in the back of my head (I can remember lyrics to songs I have barely heard and don't even like) or it is a laundry list of things I should be doing. The worst though (and the reason for the meds effexor xr, trazadone, etc) is when the voice becomes hateful towards me. Tells me that I should be doing this, that and the other. It is the voice that controls my OCD and points out everything wrong with, let's say, my living room. I would kill to have one of those uncluttered houses so I don't have to look at everything all the time and want to move it around.

Does that help?

I have this, where I have my normal thinking voice and the other endless, relentless chatter. Music, songs, conversations, movies, rambling about things. I figured most people have this, I know my mom & sister do, so did my grandmother. My great aunt was schizophrenic, and she said she had multiple voices, but she also would see things that weren't there a lot.

The endless listing, and changing the orders in the lists, of what I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it will keep me up at night; Mom says she can't sleep because of this, too.

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  • 2 months later...

OH MY GOD!!! I didn't know other people talked to themselves as if someone else was there. Ok, here's my deal... I have an entire country full of people that I made up, and when I'm upset or bored I will sort of go into this place and interact with these people or somethimes become these people. They worship me as a god. They like to call me their creator. It's so real. I know Agnia (my country) isn't real, but sometimes it's hard to not believe in it. I have this girl in that world named Sara (nice girl, well respected), and she once asked me where she came from. I told her she was made up and the very idea drove her insane. Imagine that, an insane person inside an insane person. Anyway, shit... I'm not alone.

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I've been doing this for years. Even as a six year old kid I would imagine myself talking to my pen-pal from a far-away country, as if he is visiting (showing him around - tell him about local customs...) I was never delusional though - I knew that it's all in my head and that it's just a fantasy, but I did that - almost constantly and unconsciously.

Sometimes, I act as if I were rehearsing for an important meeting, and I would actually verbally and vocally practice my lines (though softly so people won't hear it). I would verbally practice telling jokes and pretend the audience was there. I never thought it was really a problem.

But tonight, can't sleep. And I kept thinking of how to describe things to the pdoc (appt in 6 weeks). I took a Valium and all the noise died down, and then I realise how tiring and annoying all that self-talk was.

Would this constitute OCD? I mean, proof-reading and rehearsing for an interview is perfectly acceptable, but I find that I am doing it in excess and to my detriment. Am I just thinking too much?

I also pick my scabs, cuticles, bite my nails... As a kid I had to step on the lines for every step I walk. Never thought too much of this, but I think from now on I would try to eliminate these "bad habits".

I also have this tendency to keep replaying past situations in my mind - it could be say a meeting with someone two weeks ago where I told a risque joke that wasn't funny, or made a faux pas comment. I would then suddenly feel agitated and frustrated, and make an angry noise (like how Homer does his "D'oh!" thing).

But I am already being treated for bipolar and on a rather high dose of Luvox. Does this mean anything?

Thank you so much for reading this. This forum has helped me make sense of a lot of my oddities that I had always kept somewhat secret.

raining.

I wouldnt attribute to all this as OCD. Id have to agree of what CBL said. It definitely can be a coping mechanism. All of it sounds kinda normal. But to say again what was said before, if you dont like it therapy can help and if it doesnt bother you then its not a problem. And in that case who care where it comes from. But anyway, I completely understand what youre talking about and I never attributed it to my OCD. But thats just my two cents.

OH MY GOD!!! I didn't know other people talked to themselves as if someone else was there. Ok, here's my deal... I have an entire country full of people that I made up, and when I'm upset or bored I will sort of go into this place and interact with these people or somethimes become these people. They worship me as a god. They like to call me their creator. It's so real. I know Agnia (my country) isn't real, but sometimes it's hard to not believe in it. I have this girl in that world named Sara (nice girl, well respected), and she once asked me where she came from. I told her she was made up and the very idea drove her insane. Imagine that, an insane person inside an insane person. Anyway, shit... I'm not alone.

This is all too farmiliar with me, belive it or not. Ever since I was little I created this world inside my head. Imaginary people that I talk to and they talk to me. I have two main people named John and David. Then theres Becca and Sara and other nameless people. I retreat to this world way too often and since Ive developed Scizophrenia sometimes my world becomes delusional and I will start to see these people and talk to them in real life. But thats a whole nother subject. I could never exactly pin it to what it tributed though. Could be just my creative imagination. I hear a lot of people who create a whole new world inside their head. It isnt really a symptoms of anything unles it goes overboard and affects how you live or portray your lifestyle.

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Hmm....

Reading some of the replies, reminds me of a few things:

1. I've read that it's very normal for young kids to have imaginary friends, and it is no cause for concern. They usually stop naturally, as the child grows older. Perhaps some of us have not passed that evolutionary hurdle in which imaginary friends are required.

2. Autism? Living in a different world?

r.

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OH MY GOD!!! I didn't know other people talked to themselves as if someone else was there. Ok, here's my deal... I have an entire country full of people that I made up, and when I'm upset or bored I will sort of go into this place and interact with these people or somethimes become these people. They worship me as a god. They like to call me their creator. It's so real. I know Agnia (my country) isn't real, but sometimes it's hard to not believe in it. I have this girl in that world named Sara (nice girl, well respected), and she once asked me where she came from. I told her she was made up and the very idea drove her insane. Imagine that, an insane person inside an insane person. Anyway, shit... I'm not alone.

This is all too farmiliar with me, belive it or not. Ever since I was little I created this world inside my head. Imaginary people that I talk to and they talk to me. I have two main people named John and David. Then theres Becca and Sara and other nameless people. I retreat to this world way too often and since Ive developed Scizophrenia sometimes my world becomes delusional and I will start to see these people and talk to them in real life. But thats a whole nother subject. I could never exactly pin it to what it tributed though. Could be just my creative imagination. I hear a lot of people who create a whole new world inside their head. It isnt really a symptoms of anything unles it goes overboard and affects how you live or portray your lifestyle.

Do you ever purposely make bad things happen to these people, or is it always Happy Smiley Rainbow Land? I don't know why, but sometimes I get a kick out of dramatic situations.

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Hmm....

Reading some of the replies, reminds me of a few things:

1. I've read that it's very normal for young kids to have imaginary friends, and it is no cause for concern. They usually stop naturally, as the child grows older. Perhaps some of us have not passed that evolutionary hurdle in which imaginary friends are required.

2. Autism? Living in a different world?

r.

I never really thought of it as "imaginary friends". It always stayed inside my head. I never used it as "real people on the outside". And unlike most little kids "imaginary friends", it was ALWAYS there. Not something I could drop or use for different advantages.

My pdoc calls it that. My little "autism world". Its definitely a different world though.

OH MY GOD!!! I didn't know other people talked to themselves as if someone else was there. Ok, here's my deal... I have an entire country full of people that I made up, and when I'm upset or bored I will sort of go into this place and interact with these people or somethimes become these people. They worship me as a god. They like to call me their creator. It's so real. I know Agnia (my country) isn't real, but sometimes it's hard to not believe in it. I have this girl in that world named Sara (nice girl, well respected), and she once asked me where she came from. I told her she was made up and the very idea drove her insane. Imagine that, an insane person inside an insane person. Anyway, shit... I'm not alone.

This is all too farmiliar with me, belive it or not. Ever since I was little I created this world inside my head. Imaginary people that I talk to and they talk to me. I have two main people named John and David. Then theres Becca and Sara and other nameless people. I retreat to this world way too often and since Ive developed Scizophrenia sometimes my world becomes delusional and I will start to see these people and talk to them in real life. But thats a whole nother subject. I could never exactly pin it to what it tributed though. Could be just my creative imagination. I hear a lot of people who create a whole new world inside their head. It isnt really a symptoms of anything unles it goes overboard and affects how you live or portray your lifestyle.

Do you ever purposely make bad things happen to these people, or is it always Happy Smiley Rainbow Land? I don't know why, but sometimes I get a kick out of dramatic situations.

Actually...I do. I used to all the time do "bad things" with my people. Getting a kick out of dramatic situations is almost an understatement for me. And not just break ups or anquish either (which I do), but almost torture. In a morbid way it makes me feel better. In an even morbid-um..er? way I started to do it to myself in my world instead of other people because it makes me feel much more pleased. I dont know why I like it. Im not "a bad person" or anything.

I also, when my mood changes the world inside my head changes. Bad mood probably equals to disaster more often while a good mood means I get more gain out of happy thoughts. But I'm sure that ones a little more "normal". Hell even the opposite would be even more "normal" I guess. Either way.

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OH MY GOD!!! I didn't know other people talked to themselves as if someone else was there. Ok, here's my deal... I have an entire country full of people that I made up, and when I'm upset or bored I will sort of go into this place and interact with these people or somethimes become these people. They worship me as a god. They like to call me their creator. It's so real. I know Agnia (my country) isn't real, but sometimes it's hard to not believe in it. I have this girl in that world named Sara (nice girl, well respected), and she once asked me where she came from. I told her she was made up and the very idea drove her insane. Imagine that, an insane person inside an insane person. Anyway, shit... I'm not alone.

This is all too farmiliar with me, belive it or not. Ever since I was little I created this world inside my head. Imaginary people that I talk to and they talk to me. I have two main people named John and David. Then theres Becca and Sara and other nameless people. I retreat to this world way too often and since Ive developed Scizophrenia sometimes my world becomes delusional and I will start to see these people and talk to them in real life. But thats a whole nother subject. I could never exactly pin it to what it tributed though. Could be just my creative imagination. I hear a lot of people who create a whole new world inside their head. It isnt really a symptoms of anything unles it goes overboard and affects how you live or portray your lifestyle.

Do you ever purposely make bad things happen to these people, or is it always Happy Smiley Rainbow Land? I don't know why, but sometimes I get a kick out of dramatic situations.

Actually...I do. I used to all the time do "bad things" with my people. Getting a kick out of dramatic situations is almost an understatement for me. And not just break ups or anquish either (which I do), but almost torture. In a morbid way it makes me feel better. In an even morbid-um..er? way I started to do it to myself in my world instead of other people because it makes me feel much more pleased. I dont know why I like it. Im not "a bad person" or anything.

I also, when my mood changes the world inside my head changes. Bad mood probably equals to disaster more often while a good mood means I get more gain out of happy thoughts. But I'm sure that ones a little more "normal". Hell even the opposite would be even more "normal" I guess. Either way.

YES! Exactly! I just recently had King Ben execute a 14 year old. Totally freaking morbid. I know exactly how you feel. I thought I was the only one. Now I know how God feels.

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