Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

The problem is not 'how' but 'what' to say...


Guest briskwalk

Recommended Posts

Guest briskwalk

Ofcourse being in the outside world itself makes me conscious, and judgemental about myself, but my biggest problem is that my mind blanks out & I simply don't know what to talk about, whether in small or big social groups. Do I need treatment or therapy?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

When I took a "music appreciation" course in college (a fine arts requirement elective, and way below the level of someone with 5 years' trumpet and music theory studies), we studied and practiced "inner listening", where we imagined music (and conversations, as well). Our instructor actually focused on verbal conversations with respect to this stuff, and we did a few exercises where we imagined conversations we'd have with other people in the future. So, I think some inner listening could be of help for you, providing you practice it before being in the social situation.

As far as therapy goes, standard CBT could help (I suppose), but there is also voice therapy (if inflection of your voice is a problem).

Anyways, best of luck, would like to know how it goes for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I know exactly what you are talking about. This has become one of my biggest issues when meeting new people. I didn't always used to be that way, which leaves me confident that it can be reversed.

I think my biggest problem when it comes to this, is I somehow convinced myself that I didn't have anything important enough, intelligent enough, interesting enough, ect to say.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have social anxiety also, but I feel like I've gotten a lot better.

I started working for a non-profit doing communications and marketing. (My background was writing and graphic design.) Anyway, the job also entailed -- wait for it -- Public Relations! I knew that I would have to seriously work on this problem if I was to succeed at my job... and my personal life as well, of course.

It started with my therapist who worked with me on it for awhile, but she also recommended an outstanding book. I can't remember the title off the top of my head. Something about being "Parked in a Parallel Universe... Somebody help me out here... Ah! Maybe it's "Diagonally parked in a parallel universe." Yeah. It think that's it.

In the past, when I met a person for the first time, I would go into implosion mode. I would like "Great. WTF am I going to talk about with this person. I don't even know them! If I say something about the weather, they are going to think I am a complete moron. I'm a loser."

My therapist said "Why do you assume that the person is judging you so harshly when they know nothing about you yet? There's no logic to that. They are just as nervous about what to say to you." Saying something like "Nice weather we're having" is just a way to get started, just like saying "Hi/Hello." All you are saying (silently at this point) is "I'd like to get to know you but I know nothing about you and you know nothing about me. Maybe if we just get some verbal momentum going back and forth, we might find something in common. If not, no big deal. We'll just end the conversation and go our separate ways. No morons. No losers. Just human beings."

Even just learning that little bit was a huge step for me and made me feel more confident.

Now, I'm very successful at my job and people tell me that I am a very good public speaker addressing groups of people. Who'd a thunk it!! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...