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I just want to scream!


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Dh wasn't happy about how much we have left in the bank this morning. He is also upset because I spent most of it on groceries. But groceries are so expensive here. It costs me around $250 per visit to the store and that is maybe 2 to 3 times a week. And he wants me to limit our grocery bill to $250 to $300 a week. Now tell me, can anyone with a family of 9 limit their grocery bill to that amount in a week? The whole thing is, as usual, more is going out than what is coming in. almost half of his salary goes to the bank for a loan, which he negotiated that price to pay it off faster. then a quarter of it goes to the rent and the rest to bills and groceries. Plus we send $500 to my mom every month and he says that is the reason why we don't have money. now that $500 is maybe an 1/8 of what he makes a month. So how can that be the reason why we don't have money? If we didn't pay half of it every month to the bank that would make a big difference. but he doesn't see it that way. he was the one who promised my mom we would send her money every month. Now he brings it up every time we have problems. We have already cut how much we send her in half. How can I get him to realize that the bank loan repayment is way too much and it's not my moms fault, or my fault (which I am sure he thinks it is, due to my spending sprees. But I have been very careful this month.) without him getting mad? I can never talk to him about money. He always says it is not a good time. But it is never a good time. He always gets upset. And since I have been diagnosed, he is more apt to blame me. I just can't take being blamed for the money situation every month. And the dumb ass still leaves the card with me.

Anyway, I guess I am done venting. I am really glad you guys are here.

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I sympathize with you. That grocery bill is a big chunk, I'm guessing that's because food for nine in Qatar is pretty steep right now?

Here in the states, socal, on 4 people we spend $180/week and that's with my mate and I skipping meals so the kids have enough using the farmer's market and bulk places for stuff. We eat healthy with no frills but that food bill, like petrol, keeps climbing and we feel like we're pinching more and more. Income goes down not up these days and a writer's paycheck is getting smaller plus the backlog of post-WGA strike hell. Countrywide takes our condo next month and we're still looking for a landlord who'll let us rent.

Money stuff blows, even with a mate who can and does talk with me. If she didn't I'd feel that extra strain you feel.

Being BP2 this stuff pisses me off because I know there is a better way but those with all the juice in life chose this system for everyone else. I hate that.

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Yeah it really does suck. and yes, the prices are really steep. Even the cheaper stores aren't cheap anymore.

As far as the bank loan, I do understand that he wants to pay it off faster because we want to build our house. but it is just killing us. However, he was approached by his old manager in a different department the other day and said that he wants him back on his team. He was just handed a project that is two years behind the quality control engineer didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and screwed everything up. So he wants dh to work with him. Dh asked if it would involve a lot travelling, which would give at least twice as much as he gets now, and they guy said yes. So dh is seriously considering it. The only thing is, he might have to travel to france and other countries for up to a year at a time. And I already know how difficult that will be for all of us because we have done that before. (He was in MT and the kids and I were in CO for a year and half). So it definately something to think about and to pray hard about.

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Marhaba Doha! This is Beirut!

Didn't notice where you were living before......just moved from Amman where food is as expensive.....

Money??? Grrrrrrrr. Major fucking stressor, especially when one half of a relationship is really just ad hoc about everything till you're broke.....sigh

Don't suppose you can point out all the other expenses that are making things tough and have little to do with you? Without a nuclear explosion? Yup $=totally fucking stressed...

Right now, we live with another couple and I've been watching how my friends wife cooks....nothing is premade, or canned.....spaghetti sauce? from scratch.........she's Lebanese and its amazing what comes out of the kitchen.....when the kitchen looks empty. Hmn.

I doubt that you have the time on your hands for all that, but it is a possibility when shopping....then again, feeding nine means watching after nine, dealing with nine all day, then cooking for the lil buggers?? Or eight lil buggers and one big bugger?

Guess I'm just saying hi and commiserating.......money issues suck. And from what we hear? things are even worse for folks in the States.........

peace

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yup... I commiserate (?sp) with you there... I think there are a lot of folks here who are facing financial difficulties... I am too.

Yeah.. .well I guess there are two solutions I can see (statement of the frickin obvious): get him to realise the loan is a frickin big problem and renegotiate, or accept the job...

either is gonna be tough... in different ways.

Hope things work out ok for you, best of luck.

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yup... I commiserate (?sp) with you there... I think there are a lot of folks here who are facing financial difficulties... I am too.

Yeah.. .well I guess there are two solutions I can see (statement of the frickin obvious): get him to realise the loan is a frickin big problem and renegotiate, or accept the job...

either is gonna be tough... in different ways.

Hope things work out ok for you, best of luck.

Well, I guess there is only one solution really. He won't renegotiate the loan so I guess he will have to take the job. Otherwise we are SOL. And then I will be REALLY bitchy, LOL

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Marhaba Doha! This is Beirut!

Didn't notice where you were living before......just moved from Amman where food is as expensive.....

Money??? Grrrrrrrr. Major fucking stressor, especially when one half of a relationship is really just ad hoc about everything till you're broke.....sigh

Don't suppose you can point out all the other expenses that are making things tough and have little to do with you? Without a nuclear explosion? Yup $=totally fucking stressed...

Right now, we live with another couple and I've been watching how my friends wife cooks....nothing is premade, or canned.....spaghetti sauce? from scratch.........she's Lebanese and its amazing what comes out of the kitchen.....when the kitchen looks empty. Hmn.

I doubt that you have the time on your hands for all that, but it is a possibility when shopping....then again, feeding nine means watching after nine, dealing with nine all day, then cooking for the lil buggers?? Or eight lil buggers and one big bugger?

Guess I'm just saying hi and commiserating.......money issues suck. And from what we hear? things are even worse for folks in the States.........

peace

Marhabtayn Beruit!

I was wondering where you were at. I didn't think you were in the states. Are you amercian? You're english is too good to be arab. What are you doing in Beruit? Am I being too nosy, LOL? I just don't meet many people from the middle east on the boards who know how it is over here. and being bipolar is not something that is discussed here. or having to see a pdoc in general. and being muslim, if I told everyone that I am bipolar, especially his family, they would say that my faith is weak. so it is a hard position to be in.

Dh just hates talking about money in general. It is hard to talk to him at all about it.

Cooking. Yes I do cook most everything from scratch. Living in amman and beruit I am sure you know that finding food that is premade or in a box is very hard to come by and very expensive if you do find it. So I make meals from beginning to end. I do however buy spaghetti sauce. the Al Alali brand. I don't know if you have it there or not but it is pretty good. I wish I could cook like the natives though. I love their food. But I do the best I can.

Anyway, it is still expensive to buy everything fresh and so forth here. We are all desert so we get a lot of the food, fruit and veggies imported from Lebanon and Egypt and other places in the middle east. and cooking for 7 kids and 2 adults is quite a big job.

I am beginning to ramble now so I think I will end this post before it becomes a novel, LOL.

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Hi! I'm also living in the Middle East - though my Arabic is poor - and we've been really affected by price hikes here. Especially for the pre-prepared stuff - which is most of what I eat - like cereal. Ten bucks for a box of cornflakes! Fifteen for a small jar of instant coffee. I can't stand it.

I can't give you much advice, Twisted - but is there any way you can make dh see how expensive life has become? My bf hates to go to the indoor produce market down the street - claiming panic and claustrophobia (but will go to movies, bars and discos, and eagerly takes elevators) - and doesn't realize how much I pay for our groceries. It's really frustrating - when he sees what I've brought back, he says I'm being cheap!

Also, if you are not a local - I'm sort of new, I can't tell - could you ask them about the best places to buy things? They may know markets and places that are much better value.

Time for bed. Maa'salamah,

Maia

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I think the economic situation, no matter where we are, is an additiona stress tht is really screwing with lots of us--especially since we have no contrl over it. Its so easy to find your self deep in real, bone-eating anxiety, or mixed episodes, when we try to struggle with al this.

I have enough trouble coping with my family and life--when you add what is happening to all of us, totally out of our control--Jesus,its a wonder we arn' running in the streets, screaming like banshees.

I thin its a real acomplishment for ANY of us to cope with all this--hang in there, kiddo, it won't get better for a while, but siince we can't control it, we have to avoid feeling respnsible for the problems, and then falling into the pit.

love, china

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Hi! I'm also living in the Middle East - though my Arabic is poor - and we've been really affected by price hikes here. Especially for the pre-prepared stuff - which is most of what I eat - like cereal. Ten bucks for a box of cornflakes! Fifteen for a small jar of instant coffee. I can't stand it.

I can't give you much advice, Twisted - but is there any way you can make dh see how expensive life has become? My bf hates to go to the indoor produce market down the street - claiming panic and claustrophobia (but will go to movies, bars and discos, and eagerly takes elevators) - and doesn't realize how much I pay for our groceries. It's really frustrating - when he sees what I've brought back, he says I'm being cheap!

Also, if you are not a local - I'm sort of new, I can't tell - could you ask them about the best places to buy things? They may know markets and places that are much better value.

Time for bed. Maa'salamah,

Maia

Hi Maia. What country are you in? My arabic isn't that great either but I can get by. We are starting to get the good cereal in the regular stores so they are $10-15 but they are still at least $5 a box. I can't afford to get to the pre-prepared stuff except every once in a while. But rent has gone up at least four times. five years ago the rent on our house was $500 now it $2000 and it ain't even worth that!

Dh knows how much things have gone up. I think one, he blames me because of my past spending sprees, and two, he either can't deal with the stress of it or won't. There isn't really any place that is better anymore. They all cost the same now. There are a couple of places that are a little better that I go to. But mostly they are all the same. Are you muslim?

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I think the economic situation, no matter where we are, is an additiona stress tht is really screwing with lots of us--especially since we have no contrl over it. Its so easy to find your self deep in real, bone-eating anxiety, or mixed episodes, when we try to struggle with al this.

I have enough trouble coping with my family and life--when you add what is happening to all of us, totally out of our control--Jesus,its a wonder we arn' running in the streets, screaming like banshees.

I thin its a real acomplishment for ANY of us to cope with all this--hang in there, kiddo, it won't get better for a while, but siince we can't control it, we have to avoid feeling respnsible for the problems, and then falling into the pit.

love, china

Hey China,

That's true. I think that is one thing that dh still doesn't understand, that I can't control it and therefore blames me more readily because he doesn't know what else to do. but then again he has always blamed me, and granted, it has been my fault a lot of times, but not every month and not with that damn loan! I do get really anxious especially towards the end of the month when we are running out of money.

I am surprised I am not bald yet from snatching my hair out! Maybe if we did scream like banshees it would help, lol. I try not to feel guilty about it but it is so hard! I know I caused some of our problems at times and I do feel bad about. I don't know if I will ever not feel responsible when I go on my spending sprees. And it's probably a good thing we don't have money right now. I would probably spend it all.

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Then salaam alaykum as well.....too bad things like go like that in Doha. I tried to fill old scripts here when I arrived, and the pharm guy said he needed local prescritions so we had a session with a pdoc, supposedly one of the best. IN and out in fifteen minutes and got me onto generic lamictal.......

Syria is recognizing DP.........half the people lined up in a pharmacy are on ADs......while in Jordan, you can get xanax but thru a small local shop and ambien is over the counter...?!?!!?

Here, codeine Tylenol 3s are over the counter and they grill you for the benzos.....go figure. Whadya expect in a country where its prolly easier to get dope than smoke?? sigh.....

Back in the day (expat since 92) Beirut was the expensive place and is now cheaper than jordan and soon may be cheaper than syria.

Came here to start a journalism career and it worked, and I stayed......teaching English in countries that have no free press to speak of...but here? press capital of the world....fuck Dubai, its a wanna be Beirut.....swing by sometime and get a lil Paris alongside an arab mediterranean paradise, at least when theres no war. I found people here more quick to pick up the fact, when I explain....OH! that handful of meds I swallowed? Im manic depressive. Hell the city is BP if you ask me, part of the fun....

Maybe a pdoc here can write a script for use in Doha if he has any colleagues there? Your faith ain't weak, to maintain faith while in the grips of this disease???? Thats Iman, if you ask me.........not to mention we may get amnesty as being mukallaf and not always responsible according to sharia law, at times of extremes ie DP and mania? not an excuse, just a hope for mercy for those Fear and Loathing manic theme park rides....ya know?

US expat long term here. From NY and this is the city most like NY I've seen in Europe and the middle east.....I'm actually reviewing my high school French since its so European, there are populations in which french is the first language, arabic the second.......you hear cute phrases like 'merci lillah' , heh

Keep your head above water. What is meant for your provenance has already been written and the pen is dry.

As for anyone speaking Arabic??? Its one of the hardest languages to master....been trying fifteen years and gave up....if I live here long enough, someday I'll be fluent and not notice it....heh

Salamtak

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PS...Familiar with the hadith about the woman with epileptic seizures....? An inspiring story.

Maybe we ought to move this to spirituality?? Otherwise, people may think we're ;) on spending sprees..... :)

wa salaam

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Wa Alaikum Salaam. We can get most medicines here without a scrip except for antibiotics and other strong meds. so I didn't have a problem getting my zoloft. But xanax I couldn't get without a scrip. I am not on xanax now but sometimes I wish I had it. I know what you mean about in and out in 15 mins. except here it's 5 minutes. But of course you have to wait for hours at a time first. Thankfully they now have private hospitals here which are based on the American hospitals and dh's company pays for it. My pdoc is pretty good. My appointments with her are 45-60 minutes long.

I personally know my faith isn't weak. Insha'allah we will get ajr for it. it was dh who thought and maybe still does. as far as telling the natives, esp. my in-laws that I have BP, I won't because I have some major problems with dh's SIL and I know she will come back with "I knew she was crazy" or something like that. So yeah, it is a shame that it has to be a shame, you know? Dh actually told me there is nothing to be ashamed of about seeing a pdoc. His mom even sees one. I said yeah but bo one in the family is going to say anything about his mom. But I however know some things that have been said when by my BIL's wives when they thought no one was listening. the same ones I have problems with. So telling them, NO WAY! And of course I didn't tell dh that either. this family has enough problems without that.

I am from NM and I have lived here with dh and kids since 93. I still am not fluent in Arabic and probably never will be. But I do get by when needed.

Maybe we should move this discussion elsewhere. It is getting kinda long for the board.

Allay Salamak (sp?)

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Hey, I'm glad you two found each other---it's great to compare notes when you're in similar situations.

One of you could start a blog, and then you could write back and forth all day long and no one will care.

I mean, we don't care here, except that this conversation doesn't have much to do with bipolar. heh

You can also PM. But I think other people here are interested in life in foreign countries, so why don't you go over to Blogsville and one of you start a blog? Just a suggestion...

olga

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