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An old addiction resurfaces?

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First off, this is my first post.... i'm pretty sure i know all the rules and whatnot, but if not let me know.....

Well, about two years ago i was admitted to a mental institute for repeated self mutilation and suicidal tendencies, and after a long, grueling three months of both in- and out- patient therapy, i thought i was cured. I had no urge whatsoever to cut or do anything remotely self-harming.

Until about two days ago....

My boss handed me a box cutter and three brand-new razorblades and told me i needed to keep the box cutter on me while i was on the job at all times ( i have to open LOTS of cardboard during the day) and my first instinct was to lock myself in the bathroom and slice my wrists to ribbons.... so i did, and have been daily since then. Anyway, any opinions, thoughts, or comments are welcome...

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Sorry you are going through a rough time right now.

I do not SI so no words of wisdom, just wanted to say that hopefully someone with knowledge will see this and respond soon.

In the mean time, I will send you good thoughts and hopes for peace.

All my best

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Guest xjamieface

hi, im in the same boat as you.

i had a problem with cutting&i had to go to the hospital[they suck&my shoes wouldnt stay on.lol]

anyways, i thought i wasnt going to anymore, but i was wrong.

i even started to do it during school.

i cant help it though, it is an addiction&it will never go away, like eating disorders kinda.

there is a song that describes it perfectly. its called "Bad Habbit" by:the dresden dolls.

theres a line in there that says "even if i quit theres not a chance in hell id stop"

...exatley, right?

im hopeing this will come to an end soon though.

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first, i'm sorry you're going thru the whole urge thing again. i can relate to your case because i relapsed the SI after 3 yrs and it became harder to control than before. i studied my case, with my tdoc's help, and we found out there was a reason for i decided to start over. so we focused on it to try to control the urges. by this i mean to ask you, has something unexpected happened to you that maybe made you search for relief with this resource? you say that seeing the razorblades and cutters is what triggered you the most but, do you think that something deeper might have had something to do? try to think about it, and if you're taking some kind of therapy, tell your tdoc/counsellor about it.

i really hope you find the strenght to resist the urges and figure out what's making you SI again so you can focus on it and solve it.

best wishes

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