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how do you deal with suicidal thoughts?


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I have them all the time.

except of course, for the occasional good day. good day as in, no suicidal thoughts.

separate to that, i do have happy days where i am still suicidal.

drugs dont make this go away. sleep doesnt fix it. talking doesnt make it make more sense.

please, i need your ideas. how do you deal with this?

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The Positive answer might be to remind yourself of all the good things in your life to stick around for. Doesn't work for me either.

Having complete confidence in my ability to screw something like that up, many times I simply remind myself "That would hurt. A lot."

Instead of confronting yourself over the idea, or talking it out to make sense of it (sounds like a good way to turn an Impulse into a Plan) just take note of it for what it is and find something else to do. If the temptation gets too strong, sometimes more serious action is needed (call a friend, your doctor, a hospital) but for the day to day stuff ...

Probably none of that helps, but I thought you deserved at least some answer.

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thanks null ;)

it helps that someone replies. thankyou.

my problem is that im a very positive person, so i have many things i am grateful for, and things that i enjoy. I am good at things, i am still accomplishing fairly significant things every day.

So im aware of many things that are good in my life. and i enjoy them.

Some people say that you cant feel relieved from the pain if you're gone but i dont get that - because i dont care if i feel relieved or not, i just need to get away from this.

I spend most of my time just focusing on other stuff. im a pretty motivated person (when im not depressed) so i tend to get a fair bit done.

i just get tired, and i dont feel like im in control.

it feels less ..changeable because it doesnt go away when i feel better.

so all my 'reasons'. well... they dont help.

but i have distracted myself tonight with assignments, i guess thats good

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I still get nasty thoughts that pop in my head from time to time. I am fortunate in that drugs take care of most of them, but I still have little periods of time where they proliferate. I do what you do - keep busy and stay positive.

My CBT lovin' tdoc tells me that I need to repeatedly tell myself that not-so-nice thoughts are irrational. I have found myself saying, out loud, "There's no reason to feel this [x] because [x]." It seems to help temporarily, which eh, I'll take that. My thinking out loud seems to get my brain to think something else for a while, and that helps a little.

What does your tdoc say?

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Yeah, it can be a problem ... if you're thinking about it all the time. If you ever start getting serious thoughts about actually acting on it, I found a good article today (its quite old, and its long, but I think its good): How not to commit suicide.(skipped to page 5)... kinda goes into detail about what Null said... only more so. I found it helpful but YMMV. I guess its good if you want a dose of reality.

;):) :) EDIT NOTE: above article is probably highly triggery for some, proceed with caution.

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;)

I'm sorry that you're having trouble with this and I know how frightening they can be.

Just to let you know though, I have not reached the apparent higher level of functioning and recovery that you have.

But these day, I don't worry about them too much when they come.

My suicidal thoughts started when the pain with treatment resistant depression deepened, deepened and deepened. I just wanted to be out of the pain but I never got to a point where I made a plan or actually intended to put myself to death.

Actually, I received some relief from the thoughts knowing that if nothing else worked, there was in fact ,a way out of the pain. I'm not saying that it was good or bad to think that way but, it was what it was.

I don't think that by pushing the thoughts away or busying yourself is going to make it go away. A DBT trick to reduce the stress about it is - Thoughts - Push nothing away. Hold nothing. Let it go away. That provides me much relief sometimes when a thought that I don't want to think about comes into my mind and I panic.

Definitely talk to your tdoc and pdoc about it as soon as possible so that it does not continue to cause you stress. Everyone is different and a specific way of dealing may be required for you to cope with these troublesome thoughts.

Thinking of you,

Sunshine Outside

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Know the feeling, recently I had ideation to contend with.

The only thing that's worked for me is a zen thing... let the ideas be there but I don't do anything with them, just acknowledge their presence then let them float off. Like in meditation, when thoughts come, because they're going to (they don't stop), you notice then "look away" and let them fade. It takes a long long time, especially when I'm sitting on the edge of that vortex down the alley (deep depression). When the thoughts are really intense I breathe slower and deeper, like when I'm in a sweat lodge. The more I focus on the heat, darkness and suffocation the less likely I'll endure it and come through it. The more I feel the earth under my bare ass, the slower my breathing, the more heat and pressure I can endure. Same with ideation, it's like using the evolutionary gift that depression represents (hunker down conserve calories, hide, survive the storm, flood, tsunami, tornado, quake, fire, invasion by a horde, whatever); slow down, breathe, don't attach to the thoughts, let 'em go by your safe hiding place.

The other aspect too, when those aren't working or when I'm coming out of it (and I'm into the more risky plan-type mode) is to remember that suicidal ideation is the excess... too much of the good thing, the gift on overload. When I can reduce it's appeal, pull or power I can let it remain a thought and let it pass by fade in-fade out.

None of this may work for you, but it's an idea.... side effects include bloating, sleeping, burping and flatulence, and in rare cases anal leakage.

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hi

i've experienced what you describe before, the everlasting suicidal thoughts turning to plans then to impulses... it can be pretty tiring and, although you can see the good things and the advantages of staying alive, the impulses won't go away... sometimes it's like something within yourself is controlling your thoughts and making you feel like you have to kill yourself, even if you don't want to. in these cases, my doc either a) puts me to sleep or b) increases my risperdal. that's the medical part.

what i try to do is to convince myself i don't really want to die because i want to be with my parents and my friends and do stuff that i like and also i try to scare myself with ideas such as "if i kill myself i'll have a hangover that will last for all the eternity with the headache and the puking and there will be no pain relievers, no mommys with chicken soups, no nothing to make it go away" as stupid as it sounds, it has worked so far ;)

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thanks all for replying.

well, to explain more - i constantly 'think' about suicide. so thats just thoughts, visualising, but not really feeling like i need to act on it. and thats every day, all the time. i can deal with them because they are just thoughts...

but when im not having a good day (only having thoughts is a good day), then its the urgency and the intensity of the feelings. I absolutely cannot cope and i just know i have to do it. It doesnt feel like an irrational thought to me, because i really do want to... it makes me sad that i feel that way but it doesnt go away, and every day thats like this, when the urge is there, just reaffirms it, that it needs to happen.

i have/ have had other awful thoughts, for example, there are people chasing me or that i will be attacked, that im going to screw up my work, but those i can reason with.

when i was taking seroquel, before, i used to be able to just knock myself out. now i dont take it anymore. I take pericyazine instead. im not sleeping well, which just makes everything worse. The pericyazine seems to help with impulse control, so i no longer get the sudden urges to jump in front of moving things, etc...

i used to think that it was a good thing to be concerned about my health enough that i was worried that i was having these feelings. i went through a stage of not caring and that was more dangerous.

hmm.

I wouldn't want you to die. I like you

thanks ;)

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If it's bothering me enough, I would try to write if I can.

It is your doctor's problem if you are suicidal, so you should get to see him/her, or stay alive till you get to see him/her.

DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL - alcohol never helps. Only makes it worse.

For me, nights are more unbearable than days, so if it's late at night I would want to get some daylight; unusually accomplished by a bunch of zyprexas plus a bunch of benzos. You might feel better when you wake up, even not, I think that hospitals are better staffed in the daytime, if you need to go there.

I am sincerely sorry that you are in such a difficult place, and hope you climb out soon.

r.

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yeh i dont drink at all now. ive never had a drink while im feeling bad though.

i have some benzos, but not many, and if i take them every time i feel like this i run out.

i do tell my doctor, every time. i guess i should tell them more... dont know if it will help. i dont really know what they can do anyway.

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I don't think that by pushing the thoughts away or busying yourself is going to make it go away. A DBT trick to reduce the stress about it is - Thoughts - Push nothing away. Hold nothing. Let it go away.

Thank you for providing that very nice tip. I sometimes forget that I need to detach from a lot of things.

i do tell my doctor, every time. i guess i should tell them more... dont know if it will help. i dont really know what they can do anyway.

Yell if needed. Get in his or her's face. Ideally, meds should be helping with the thoughts and they're not. That's dangerous. Doc needs to at least try.

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hmm. thanks for all your replies.

this morning is a good morning, but bad at the same time. its like being pulled in both directions.

i just dont understand why i would feel this way. its so sad ;)

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Guest Guest_gentledove_*

Its your illness talking. Normal brains do not think this way.

wish ya the best-

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Guest Guest_gentledove_*

Its your illness talking. Normal brains do not think this way.

wish ya the best-

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I know what you're going through -- I just went through a bad patch with that myself. As a female, my thoughts tend to get much worse cyclically, and so I try to remind myself that I'll feel better at some point.

I have a young child, and even when I am thinking that I'm a total loser and she'll be better off without me, I remind myself logically that my death would be totally devastating to her for the rest of her life. It's not that I really believe that at the time, but I try to latch on for dear life to my logical brain and ignore the noise.

It usually goes away after a while.

It's almost harder for me because I believe in heaven, and I believe that I'll go there, and I know how much better it will be than here, and I don't necessarily believe that God will punish me for having an illness . . . however, I know He must want me here or I wouldn't be. So I pray a lot for the will to live.

Also, I knew a girl that killed herself and it still haunts me. I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else.

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thanks Gracie

mine dont go away - always in the back of my mind. Today hasnt been too bad, so far, but its like on good days i crash harder... as if being happy results in me feeling worse later. like subconsciously punishing myself, i wonder if its like that.

i can feel it coming on, so its hard to keep up the positive 'i can get through this' thoughts. im still here so i guess that makes me stronger than i thought i was.

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sorry my reply got posted twice, that was a mistake. I am not sure how to delete that.

I am still new at posting i think that is obvious.

Thats what worked for me, and snapped me out of it.

best to you.

gentledove

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I know that life is finite and that before I know it, I will probably die of old age or something anyway, so I don't need to try to do anything since it will come automatically. Does that make any sense?

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