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Does anyone else get these really weird, macabre thoughts even when relatively sane?


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;) slightly macabre (no su or violence)

For example:

my flatmate has been out of town for the past few days without letting me know (he goes out of town regularly, so this is normal), and I kept getting this idea, that since I didn't see him around, he must be dead. And maybe he was still in the room, just waiting to be found. I kept brooding over this thought for days to a point where it could've just as well been true. But I was too scared to open the door to his room and check plus I kept thinking it was just stupid. I was so relieved when he came back today!

I also recently had this feeling that my spine was tied to a pole, ending at the neck, and that my head was just gonna fall off because it wasn't supported by the pole. And my back and neck were just aching. (don't know what came first - the pain or the thoughts)

I used to get the idea of peeling off skin with a potato peeler. I never felt like I wanted or needed to do it, I just kept getting this image.

It's just really weird and I have no idea where these thoughts are coming from. I never actually believe them, it's more like they're very strong mental images, sometimes lasting for days. The experience is usually so intense that even though I don't believe it is true, it could be. Sometimes I feel slightly traumatized by them too. It's like I'm torturing my mind with it. The only way to get rid of them is to write them down, but that doesn't keep them from coming.

Does anyone else do this to themselves?

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I have those kinds of thoughts ALL THE TIME. I imagine what it's like to eat human eyeballs, etc. You're not alone. I creep myself out and scare myself sometimes =( I also constantly worry about people I know being dead, finding their bodies, etc. Just like you mentioned. So you're not alone! It's comforting to know I'm not alone.

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;):) I am *always* convinced that I will come home and find whomever I'm living with dead - usually murdered in some horrific way. I mean it's an everyday thought. It's also a thought that I will wake up and find them dead - generally having died in their sleep. I have no wish to kill them, and I don't want them dead; I fear that I will find them that way. I sometimes fear that when I'm going over to someone's house, I will find them dead when I get there, because I have unseen enemies out there (this is when I'm manic and paranoid) and they don't want me to have friends. Whenever someone is late for a meeting, my first thought is that they've been in an accident, and they're most likely dead. When some loser guy decides to break up with me by not answering the phone, my first thought is that he must have died.

Sigh, it's no wonder I'm a loner.

I also had the feeling that when people were out of town, they weren't *really* out of town, they were somehow in the house, testing me to see what I would do while they were gone - that's some kind of paranoia I think. ^_^ It was strange with my first hubby, who was a sailor and went out to sea for months at a time. I just knew he somehow came home early and was in the house - somewhere - checking up on me. Which, of course, was impossible, but logic doesn't play a part in this, does it?

Of course, I don't *voice* these thoughts to anyone - they'd think I was crazy or something! ;P

Here's what I think. You cannot control thoughts. Thoughts are involuntary - there is nothing you can do about them. The only thing you can control is your reaction to those thoughts. You can accept them as involuntary and let them go, or you can obsess about them. I know that my friends and family are not going to turn up dead every time I open up the door, even though I have those thoughts as I walk up the steps - every. single. day! :) But, I let the thought run through my mind, dismiss it as invasive, and let it go. Otherwise, I'd never leave the house for fear that something would happen to my family while I'm gone.

So there's no way to avoid them, just deal with them. That's what I think anyway.

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;):) I am *always* convinced that I will come home and find whomever I'm living with dead - usually murdered in some horrific way. I mean it's an everyday thought. It's also a thought that I will wake up and find them dead - generally having died in their sleep. I have no wish to kill them, and I don't want them dead; I fear that I will find them that way. I sometimes fear that when I'm going over to someone's house, I will find them dead when I get there, because I have unseen enemies out there (this is when I'm manic and paranoid) and they don't want me to have friends. Whenever someone is late for a meeting, my first thought is that they've been in an accident, and they're most likely dead. When some loser guy decides to break up with me by not answering the phone, my first thought is that he must have died.

ohmygod yes.

i try SO HARD not to think about it. i talk back at it constantly. when i am depressed even my own accidental death continues to flash before my eyes. as well as other terrible things.

i'm sorry you guys can relate :)

- rita

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I have the same types of thoughts as both Pathereal and Graduation_Day. My paranoia and fear can get really out of control. It's come to the point where it affects my relationship with my boyfriend and friends. And then of course there's the gross part of it, like chewing on eyeballs, seeing what it would be like to slice off a big chunk of fat off of my thigh and to cook it over a bonfire and then eat it with the fat dripping off, etc. I honestly didn't know other people had these kinds of thoughts who were not serial killers or something. I don't want to hurt anyone or anything, I just can't help these thoughts. And I'm so scared of those I love dying at the same time =( It's horrible. Thank you for starting this topic Graduation_Day!

Hrm, I don't know if these thoughts are MI specific or not, as I didn't know I wasn't the only one to have thoughts like this on a daily basis. What do you all think?

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Nice one! I was honestly afraid that no-one would relate to this... oh well.

Are there any more examples guys? This is getting *ahem* interesting...

Tinneas, I can totally relate to the eyeball thing. Sounds like something I could've made up. ;)

It's weird, right now I can laugh about it, but when it comes over me it's horrendous. I thought it was only related to my schiz symptoms, but I guess it's not that uncommon.

Edit// I used to be a so good at spelling...

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Nice one! I was honestly afraid that no-one would relate to this... oh well.

Are there any more examples guys? This is getting *ahem* interesting...

You're on a forum called "crazyboards" and you thought no one would relate? Have you read some of the posts around here? :) I don't think there's a thought anyone has that *someone* can't relate to. ;) hahaha!

Tinneas, I can totally relate to the eyeball thing. Sounds like something I could've made up. :) It's weird, right now I can laugh about it, but when it comes over me it's horrendous.

See? Now I can't relate to eating eyeballs, but you can. ^_^

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Several times a day I go through the fears of either my children dying (or something really terrible happening to them), or if my husband is a bit later home than usual, say 15 minutes, I freak out and think he has been in a car accident and is dead somewhere. I go through these thoughts several times a day everyday and its mentally and emotionally exhausting. Im petrified of anything happening to my kids or husband.

Its to the point that I will see something on the news, like a child has been found dead and I will replay the story in my head over and over, but with the thought that it was one of my kids, not someone I dont know. I end up so worked up and upset, yet I cant make it stop. I have to turn the tv or radio off if I hear any news stories start with anything to do with kids being harmed. I once read this horrible story about parents killing their 5 year old son with a hammer, I got to the point in the story where they reported the boy saying "stop stop, its hurting" and ended up bawling my eyes out. All i can imagine is that being my own son (who was also 5 at the time) and everytime I even think of the story it rips me to bits inside and brings me to tears. Even 1 year on I am so emotionally and mentally scared from reading that story.

Thats probably the worst for me, there is plenty more, but I will have to come back to fill those in.

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'I thought it was only related to my schiz symptoms, but I guess it's not that uncommon."

when I told my tdoc about some of my bizarre thoughts and beliefs, she said that in her experience there is almost always some thought disorder thing going on with Bipolar people.

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I told my new tdoc about this yesterday, he did not seem suprised at all.

He was the first person I have ever told. I thought I was the only one who had these!!

Do you just have the thoughts or can you "see" it happen--like watching a movie play in your head (that is what I have sometimes)?

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I told my new tdoc about this yesterday, he did not seem suprised at all.
Heh, I told my doc yesterday as well (only after discussing it here)! She wasn't surprised either. Said she was worried about the repetitive/compulsive nature of the thoughts and how they affect me , not the content itself. It makes sense, doesn't it. I also told my friend a few days ago. She wasn't outraged at all.

Do you just have the thoughts or can you "see" it happen--like watching a movie play in your head (that is what I have sometimes)?
"Mental image" would be the most accurate way of putting it for me. I don't know if this is what people mean when they say it's like watching a movie in their head. I can feel it in my body though.
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As an example,

;):) I can picture me driving off of a bridge. I can see it from the point of view as the driver and also picture the aftermath. The van smashed, steam rising from the front, etc. I can also 'feel' the sensation of doing this. The free fall. The jarring impact, but no pain. :)^_^

If that makes any sense.

ETA: Man, that makes me sound really crazy doesn't it?!

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As an example,

;):) I can picture me driving off of a bridge. I can see it from the point of view as the driver and also picture the aftermath. The van smashed, steam rising from the front, etc. I can also 'feel' the sensation of doing this. The free fall. The jarring impact, but no pain. :)^_^

If that makes any sense.

ETA: Man, that makes me sound really crazy doesn't it?!

Of course that makes you sound crazy! :P Oh, and I get those thoughts too. I posted about them a *long* time ago in the bipolar thread... So I guess that makes both of a little nutty.

when I told my tdoc about some of my bizarre thoughts and beliefs, she said that in her experience there is almost always some thought disorder thing going on with Bipolar people.

Hmmm, I guess that explains a lot...

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I have the most horrible, creepy thoughts/images, especially at bedtime. Brain-creepies is what I call them. I wouldn't even know how to explain them, because if I wrote them down, I would seriously creep myself out. The good thing is i fall asleep pretty quickly due to Seroquel. Of course, then come the long, tortuous nightmares....

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