Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

What does depression feel like?


Recommended Posts

It turns out that depression *does* feel quite different to people. Apparently, I have the lack-of-feeling kind. I get kinda empty inside and stuff just keeps whizzing by around me, and I'm numb enough not to really care.

I know of at least one other kind -- the "painful" depression. Since isn't the kind I have, I'm not sure what it feels like. But some people seem to feel pain, rather than feel nothing at all.

Alllll sorts of shit goes wrong when just a chemical or two is off balance in the brain. Looks like if you reduce / take away seratonin or dopamine or just about any essential chemical, you "stop working." I "freeze." Like, nothing seems worth doing. Everything seems impossible to do -- because nothing is worth doing. Why shower, or pick stuff up, or try to move, if you don't seem to feel pleasure or even pain. It's a very weird mindset, and the result of a very "minor" chemical imbalance.

These disorders really SUCK! Some people get heart defects or asthma -- we get brain malfunctions. Oh well. I'm happy there are meds for it now. Just last century, it was pretty much shock therapy, and before that -- it was nuthouse time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It turns out that depression *does* feel quite different to people. Apparently, I have the lack-of-feeling kind. I get kinda empty inside and stuff just keeps whizzing by around me, and I'm numb enough not to really care.

i understand that, too. for me it comes in stages. right now i'm at the stage where all of the above apply to me except i am not considering suicide (i'd just really like to sleep forever).

left long enough, the crying at everything will stop. the caring about anything will stop. i won't be able to remember why i bother doing anything, why i ever did to begin with. i won't remember anything good that's ever happened and "feel" what that was like (no emotional memory i guess). i won't be able to remember that i want to be better, that i even can be, that life isn't always like that (i will become really convinced this state is permanent and there's no arguing with me).

after a few months of that, and people wanting things from me that i just can't give every day again and again.... i'm ready to jump ship. i'll think about how i could get away with dying and plan how to make it look like an accident so my kid doesn't feel like i left her on purpose. because i can't feel anything anymore except pain. empty, but empty is somehow too painful to bear.

so yeah - many flavours for many people. it still surprises me that among all those varations are so many of the same thoughts and beliefs, even though our brains and experiences are so different.

man i look at that and pray like hell that it doesn't get past this stage, shitty as i feel right now (like i'm up this early from having nightmares that woke me up literally with a fever and crying - i've been up awhile now so the sobbing has abated heh). i've about a month to hold on and see if my thyroid med increase pulls me back out.

i hope you're not feeling empty now, alex. i know it sucks.

- rita

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is an interesting topic. I thought I would add how I feel when I'm depressed in case anyone is interested:

• Muscle aches and cramping without any physical exertion

• Cramping easily when attempting to exercise

• That space in my chest where my heart is literally aches

• More time out of the day is spent crying than not

• I hate every thing about myself and my life

• Anxiety - generalized and social

• Brain fog

• My body feels like it is made out of lead

• No energy

• I'm not hungry (Yet I don't lose or gain weight)

• Reliving all bad moments and no good ones

• I don't have fun doing activities I actually like

• Insomnia

• Night terrors

• Can't concentrate

• Guilt

• Make a lot of mistakes at work and school

;)

• Suicidal thoughts

• Self-injury (as punishment for things I feel guilty about)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

It turns out that depression *does* feel quite different to people. Apparently, I have the lack-of-feeling kind. I get kinda empty inside and stuff just keeps whizzing by around me, and I'm numb enough not to really care.

left long enough, the crying at everything will stop. the caring about anything will stop. i won't be able to remember why i bother doing anything, why i ever did to begin with. i won't remember anything good that's ever happened and "feel" what that was like (no emotional memory i guess). i won't be able to remember that i want to be better, that i even can be, that life isn't always like that (i will become really convinced this state is permanent and there's no arguing with me).

Um...yeah. No argument here. It's exactly like that. S9

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

What I've thought of (to explain it to the non-depressed)

First imagine that you're recovering from bronchitis, then someone died on you( best friend or parent, your choice ), your house was robbed, you lost your job, and your car's engine exploded (sorry, this is the U.S. version) all in the same week.

Now imagine feeling that way For No External Reason.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What I've thought of (to explain it to the non-depressed)

First imagine that you're recovering from bronchitis, then someone died on you( best friend or parent, your choice ), your house was robbed, you lost your job, and your car's engine exploded (sorry, this is the U.S. version) all in the same week.

Now imagine feeling that way For No External Reason.

that's also a very apt description. i may have to quote you on that one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting topic

For me, depression feels like dull despair, with brain fog, numbness, and exhaustion. Everything seems hopeless and pointless and insurmountable. All doors are shut to me, and I know that I not only deserve it, but it's my fault and it's going to last f-o-r-e-v-e-r.... I just want to sleep or read and be left alone. I eat junk food because it's too much bother to cook anything. A microwave TV dinner is too much trouble. I sleep in my clothes and refuse to leave the house unless it's for work. I kinda want to die, an a vague sense, but it doesn't seem worth the effort. All my "buttons" become hair triggers, so any little thing reduces me to a puddle of tears, or sometimes a fit of rage. (always self directed, and clearly dangerous.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

apart from all the regular depressive symptoms i have... i have just thought of it this way...

feeling that bad is like running into a wall all the time. at some point you begin to feel that you're not getting anywhere so you just sit and do nothing because its all too hard. or you cry. or you get angry.

the wall is imaginary - people cant see it. you cant see it. its like getting angry at something you can't put your finger on, or something that sometimes doesnt seem real. or something that you cant 'prove'.

feeling really depressed is like having one of those imaginary walls built around you - so you're sitting there in a box. all on your own. and when things get even worse, the box has an imaginary lid too. thats why i can't see the sky, or the light - im stuck in a box and i can't see up.

following that - when you get out of the box the light blinds your eyes and you think you're in heaven. after a little while this wears off and you come back to reality. sometimes reality makes you want to go back to being in the box...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

feeling that bad is like running into a wall all the time. at some point you begin to feel that you're not getting anywhere so you just sit and do nothing because its all too hard. or you cry. or you get angry.

and then get up the next day, ad nauseum....

the wall is imaginary - people cant see it. you cant see it. its like getting angry at something you can't put your finger on, or something that sometimes doesnt seem real. or something that you cant 'prove'.

yes!!! more than anything i wish i could PROVE it somehow - i wish people could see how real this is for me. for everybody here.

following that - when you get out of the box the light blinds your eyes and you think you're in heaven. after a little while this wears off and you come back to reality. sometimes reality makes you want to go back to being in the box...

i have had this experience only once in the last decade, about six months ago. it does feel like heaven just to wake up without all this mental devastation. reality did look a whole lot different, too, and it didn't look as good as i thought it would - but i really did feel like i had the agency to change that. nothing seemed like it was too much to handle, even if only one step at a time (well of course becoming prime minister or something would be, but you know what i mean...).

dear whomever is in charge - please give us all a break and let us live like the above paragraph?

good description berry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't want to shower or move, apart from getting food to stuff my face constantly. I want to eat eat eat, fill myself until I feel sick, I want it to take over the emotional pain. Not unlike the short reprieve cutting yourself gives to the emotional pain. I've thought about it alot & I think the two are linked, with me anyway.

I feel empty of all emotions apart from fear and despair. It's very difficult to wear a mask and act 'normal' to other people, yet I can't bear the thought of anyone seeing me vulnerable and raw.. I know that it's too much for others to deal with anyway.

So, like Alex, I try to cocoon myself away. Ofcourse this has meant in the past I've lost jobs, missed important events, etc. ;) So I think.. I'm wasting so mush time with this shit & getting nowhere. What is the point? Really? I have no kids, no significant other. I want my life to matter, but really, it doesn't & if depression keeps winning what's the point of putting up a fight?

Then when I do come out of that dark pit, I wonder how the hell I could lock myself in my bedroom for days on end like that! I'm off to the gym, I'm out, I'm living & it seems so surreal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These descriptions all feel so spot on for me right now. I think I've struggled with depression for so many years that I know intellectually it's an illness, but it always feel like a fatal flaw in me.

*nods*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...