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Ok, i havent posted for help on here ina long time, i been to where i dont want to ask for help im ashamed to need help ;) i feel bad cuz theres so many good things in my life right now but im still misearble with some. I should be so happy , im engaged to the most wonderful man, im moving in 19 days to sunny california, and im getting married this summer, but im NOT happy :) . Im getting a lot of flashbacks lately and panic attacks adn nightmares. I had stoped taking my meds for about 2 weeks till myfiancee figured it out now im taking them again. I am just so sick and tired of pills. I have a lot of health problems and now i found out my blood disorder is hurting my heart. My health is not good at all lately. how is it that i love him so much, but hate me so much? I dont get it. People say you can love someone else unless you love yourself first, well thats not true. Im proof of that. Iam just not doing good right now.

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Anjeljo, you probably don't really hate yourself. That's depression talking. The bad evil stinking depression that tells you so many untruths. Have you talked to a pdoc or tdoc. Going off your meds for a couple of weeks can really throw you. I hope you will feel better. Weddings can be overwhelming, but it sounds like you have a good man. Hugs, Melissa

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Oh, you do sound like you're having a tough time of it. We all hate our pills, I think, but they keep the depression and other things at bay. You need to keep a certain level of meds in your blood so you can stay "level" and not have a big dip.

But I'm sorry you're so depressed. Maybe sit down and write a list of good things in your life? Nice fiance, upcoming move, good hair, pretty hands---hey, I bet you have lots of positive things going for you. And I agree with Mel that it sounds like you need to see the pdoc and/or the tdoc for a little tuneup.

You're going to have a great life---you just need to get past this hard part. Keep writing so we know how you are.

olga

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People say you can't love someone else unless you love yourself first, well thats not true.

One wonders whether the people claiming this have ever had to deal with:

- a blood/cardiac disorder,

- an interstate move, and

- an upcoming marriage,

all on top of clinical depression?

That's a bit more than the average person has to deal with.

As to the rest, you love your fiancee and he loves you. Until things get more settled, which could take a while, no more stopping the meds and assuming no one else cares enough about you to notice.

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Please stay strong. This may be just the start and stop of the meds talking. I've found that from my own recent experience.

You've got a lot on you plate right now and it can seem completely overwhelming. Especially the moving. I've done it a lot before and know it's intimidating. In fact, I'll be doing it again soon--but this time I'm excited!

Keep up your meds and do anything you can as a little favor to yourself like a pedicure or new bag--anything like that. We all have those streaks and it sucks.

Best of luck and xoxo from me!

BTW, I also hate the pills, alot. But a tiny trick that helped me is this: Buy a pretty jeweled or antique pill box. Put it wherever you keep you meds, dump them all in there and chuck the bottle (unless you'll be taking them on a plane). Not unscrewing a childproof cap and seeing all those awful warning stickers helps a lot!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think even people who are mentally normal and moving probably could use a couple of tdoc sessions. So don't feel ashamed to need help. I just moved and I KNOW this.

It's wonderful that you have some good things in your life, but you're also going through some major stress.

Please keep taking your meds. If they bother you somehow, discuss with the pdoc next time. Our society has some really weird attitudes about meds, particularly psych meds. Try not to absorb those attitudes. Depression is a disease. If the meds help, take them and don't be ashamed.

Please also take care of yourself as much as you can.

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