Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

So I started a new job a few weeks ago and got invited to a bar to celebrate someone's birthday. I'm pretty excited that I even got invited ("You like me, you really like me!") I'm pretty sure that this group of people are big drinkers. I've been trying my very hardest not to drink, had 1 slip up since December and then puked for 2 days.

Whenever I go to a bar and don't drink, I get this anxious, left-out feeling. I feel isolated and like a loser. Everyone else is having a good time and letting loose, and there I am in the corner sipping my diet soda and feeling really awkward. I'm sure at least 1 person will say "Oh, just have 1" and I'm going to have to calmly say no thanks. No specifics, just no thanks. What if they ask why? Can I say I'm on medication where I can't drink? Are there any other meds besides psych meds and antibiotics that you can't drink on? Should I even get into it, like "I had too much fun for awhile and decided to give it up."??

And what do I wear? What if no one talks to me? What if I get there too early and am by myself? Do I bring a present? What if I bring a present and I'm the only one who does? AHH!!!

I have klonopin prn, but I don't even know how much that will help. It has a tendency to just make me sleepy. Maybe I'll take 1/2.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do this a few times a month - go out 'till 6 in the morning only drinking soda, coffee, juice and if it's a really good night, I'll have an exotic coctail without alcohol or a "shot" of that sweet red or green syrup they put in drinks - just for the hell of it. It's just about as nasty as a tequila shot :) . I do it just because I don't feel like drinking that day, but I still need to socialize. No AA stuff or medication-issues or anything. I do it with my drinking buddies whom I usually get absolutely wasted with. And it's never been a problem, and it's not considered to be weird or anything. If they ask, I just say I feel like going out, but I don't feel like drinking, or I don't feel like having that hangover next day. This is perfectly acceptable to say, although some of them do tend to make remarks about it. Usually the ones who have some kind of alcohol problem (which becomes apparent to them when they see that I can sit there and not drink; they can't).

Anyway, my point is that there doesn't have to be a big issue behind not drinking when socializing (though I do realize that there is in your case), and that it is possible to do and still have a good time. I can understand why you're worried that they will give you a hard time about it or that you won't be able to say no to them or won't fit in. I know people will be prone to think it's odd if someone doesn't drink when everyone else does, but it doesn't have to be that way. For some reason, it seems to be socially unacceptable not to drink in a bar or at a party ;) It's all in their heads. And yours.

I wish you all the best. I am sure you're gonna be fine. They invited you, so you're gonna have to trust that they want you there in the first place and want get to know you :)

...and if you feel like you're about to cave in at some point during the night, treat yourself to a large shiny coctail with fresh fruit & umbrellas (no alcohol obviously!). You deserve it.

Oh I almost forgot: bring a present you would like yourself. Keep it in your pocket untill someone else brings out their gift. If they don't, you get to keep it for yourself ^_^ - it's a win/win situation!

Edit// I realize I'm making something sound easy when it's not. I feel like giving motivational speeches today, hope someone else will cover the comforting part...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lots of questions. One at a time... :-)

Presents: Up to you really. If you are both guys and you don't really know each other that well, that I don't think you need to buy anything (except maybe buy him a drink). It seems like in such cases everyone might chip in for a present, but if it was a guy, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Be careful with the Klono and drinking (if you do end up drinking). 5mg of Valium halved my alcohol tolerance.

Yeah, I know that feeling of being in a pub and drinking. The Chinese even have an expression, saying "The crowd is drunk and I'm solely sober". (ie everyone's an idiot, but I'm a sage). I think drinking is a male bonding ritual - that's why they try to encourage you to "have just one" - because it's a group/bonding thing. It's an excuse to let loose and to excuse others to let loose.

Let me have a think what excuse I would use if can't drink...

Maybe you can just order lemon lime bitters - looks like a gin & tonic. Even if you don't drink alcohol, you must still have something to drink to partake in the ritual.

I have a friend who just doesn't drink. Never said why, and after asking him a few times we just gave up and accepted that he doesn't drink. It's no detriment to our judgment of him.

Maybe you can just say "doctor's orders" - and it would be rude for the to probe any further?

I am sure others would come up with better excuse.

r.

So I started a new job a few weeks ago and got invited to a bar to celebrate someone's birthday. I'm pretty excited that I even got invited ("You like me, you really like me!") I'm pretty sure that this group of people are big drinkers. I've been trying my very hardest not to drink, had 1 slip up since December and then puked for 2 days.

Whenever I go to a bar and don't drink, I get this anxious, left-out feeling. I feel isolated and like a loser. Everyone else is having a good time and letting loose, and there I am in the corner sipping my diet soda and feeling really awkward. I'm sure at least 1 person will say "Oh, just have 1" and I'm going to have to calmly say no thanks. No specifics, just no thanks. What if they ask why? Can I say I'm on medication where I can't drink? Are there any other meds besides psych meds and antibiotics that you can't drink on? Should I even get into it, like "I had too much fun for awhile and decided to give it up."??

And what do I wear? What if no one talks to me? What if I get there too early and am by myself? Do I bring a present? What if I bring a present and I'm the only one who does? AHH!!!

I have klonopin prn, but I don't even know how much that will help. It has a tendency to just make me sleepy. Maybe I'll take 1/2.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And what do I wear? What if no one talks to me? What if I get there too early and am by myself? Do I bring a present? What if I bring a present and I'm the only one who does? AHH!!!

Can't advise on what to wear, not knowing what others would be wearing.

If you get early, just order a drink, and relax. Lots of pple will be there alone early waiting for their friends.

They might not talk to you, cos the birthday boy is the star of the show. But don't worry. Just be polite and be yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

GD - It's great that you can go out and have a good time while others are drinking. It shows some serious self-awareness and confidence. Maybe I'll just OD on caffeine adn get all goofy that way. My problems are probably mostly in my head and I make it worse by stressing and feeling weird. I thought about getting a diet coke with Lime and telling people it's a jack & coke, but I really don't want to lie, just not tell them stuff. Awkward. Very good idea about bringing a present and keeping it hidden until other people whip out theirs! I'm thinking something simple like a nice smelling candle. Wish I had an unburned one at home I could wrap up, but no such luck.

R - We're both women so it's a different scenario than with guys. Things are much more complicated (Or at least I make it that way). I won't do the K plus drinking, that would be really bad. Not wanting to drink, having 1 and getting wasted? Then people would really think I was odd.

I am putting too much importance on what these people are going to think of me. Since they don't know me outside work, I feel like this is my chance to make myself out to be super cool instead of the crazy chick. Yup, definitely putting too much importance on what these people think. But there is a kind of "cool crowd" at work that I get the feeling is quite clique-y. Who knows. I should stop thinking about this and take a deep breath and not stress. But in reality, I'm sure I'll think about it all day, and end up making a dork out of myself anyway. I've never been good with the cool crowd.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it's on a work night, wear your work clothes. Swap out a layer if you need to feel festive.

If it's on the weekend, I guess it would depend on the bar. Ersatz-Irish pub? Chain restaurant? Leather bar? They all have different unwritten dress rules.

I like your "I had too much fun" line.

I also like the large, shiny, umbrella-festooned non-booze drink idea.

I know zip about being cool. Everyone I know is in the nerdy category. We just, you know, do stuff. It works.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

About drinking, you can always say you have no tolerance for alcohol whatsoever and would rather not spend tomorrow puking.

To wear? A simple solid color dress or summer dress with sandals or heels should do it.

I'd get a small gift. It'll be more awkward if everyone brought gifts and you didn't, than you being the only one bringing a gift. If you're the only one bringing a gift, people will just think you're really thoughtful.

Just some suggestions. Have fun!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like gift cards from stores. You could buy a gift card for Target or some other store in your area and put it in an envelope in your purse. If no one else does the gift thing, keep the card and use it yourself.

For the drink, I've always done the simple thing. When there were times in my life when I didn't want to drink, I ordered a glass of seltzer or club soda, and asked for a slice of lime. It looks like a drink, and I didn't over-do the caffeine from diet soda.

I always think it's better to say little or nothing. "Doctor's orders" is a good suggestion, or vague mumblings about medications. I've heard people just say they were borderline diabetic and the alcohol was bad for their sugar level. No one will really care. Have a few funny stories to tell, or listen INTENTLY to other people and they will like you. Everyone likes a listener.

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And what do I wear? What if no one talks to me? What if I get there too early and am by myself? Do I bring a present? What if I bring a present and I'm the only one who does? AHH!!!

After-work get-together: as suggested, work clothes with maybe something impractical to dress it up a bit. Not too fancy, as the key word is "bar"

If no one talks to you? Everyone's there for the Guest of Honor. Nurse something that resembles a cocktail, smile, and listen.

There too early? Order a nonalkie drink and (if it's very early) get in good with the bartender. Tip as if you were drinking the real stuff.

Present? It was such a bear of a day at work I couldn't get away to look for something! What are you having? (Order the call-brand version, or maybe cover the taxi fare)

What am I having? *sigh* I'm being a Good Girl these days and sticking to soda. It's my stomach - Doctor's Orders, y'know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can anyone tell that Olga and I use many of the same dodges? ;)

My tolerance for caffeine lets me get away with wallet-breaking amounts of "cola with a slice of lime" although "tonic and tonic" works too (Quinine is a little dodgy with some meds, so YMWV)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I will sometimes have a drink or two, but for the most part I go to bars and refrain from drinking. My close friends know why and don't say anything. As for people who don't know, I just say that alcohol gives me "a mild hypoglycemic reaction." ;) Or simply, "I have to drive."

Clothes? Don't worry too much about the atmosphere of the bar - a lot of women will just wear the same thing to a dive that they would wear to a club. Don't go crazy, of course. Cute top, cute jeans, cute shoes. Cute, cute, cute. Like, I dunno, maybe a shirt with a neat graphic on it or something with a few well-placed sparkles and some heels. Wear some makeup. Just wear what you like and what will make you comfortable. Of course if you're just getting off of work, you can probably wear your work clothes unless your job requires you to get dirty (e.g. serving or cleaning).

Present? It should be acceptable to just buy the guest of honor a drink, however, olga's suggestion is really good and is something to consider.

Don't want to be too early? Maybe just go 15 minutes after the party is supposed to start. You shouldn't need to worry about it then.

No one to talk to? Well, if you have a significant other, it's acceptable to bring them. If not, I wouldn't worry too much about not having anyone to talk to. People will probably come up to you. You can also always jump in on a conversation, especially if it's about work.

I would try to relax. You got invited, so that must mean they like you at least a little bit, right? Have fun!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ugh - it was awkward. I showed up at 7 like they said and NO ONE was there. I felt like such a dork. So I waited around for awhile and then went to my office, which is just down the road from the bar, to hang out before checking back.

So 8 o'clock I go back to the bar and there are about 5 people there. Awkward, seeing how I wouldn't consider these people friends, more liek aquaintances. But I hung out until 11, and some more people showed up at 10. Still awkward though.

When I first got there and was waiting at the bar by myself, I had a drink. I don't even know why. It was probably part nerves, part automatic reaction to being in a bar. But once the other people got there, I successfully said no thank you to the offers of drinks. Of course they looked at me funny, but I gave them the line about bad things happening when I drink. Later on though, we got to talking about favorite drinks and I told 1 woman about how I was a vodka girl. Of course she jumps up and goes to the bar to get me a drink. What the hell. How obnoixous is that? I know she had good intentions, but still she should have respected that I didn't want to drink. It's a good thing they gave me a vodka tonic and I hate tonic, or I may have drank it.

And I did end up getting the b-day girl something, just a scented candle, figured all chicks like candles. No one else had brought a present but I gave it to her anyway because I don't need a candle and I knew realistically that I wouldn't return it. She was flattered and it definitely made a good impression. So good call there guys!

Yeah, so it was awkward. But maybe if there is a next time I hang out with people from work, it will be a little less awkward. And I proved I could resist peer pressure to drink, although I can't trust myself oddly enough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know I'm late in replying to this thread (and sorry it was awkward for you supergwen), but I have a couple of questions...

If you're at a party or in a bar where there's a gathering, and you're not drinking because you don't drink, and someone's rude enough to ask why, what's the problem with just shrugging your shoulders and saying, "I don't drink alcohol." What is there to be embarrassed about? People who don't eat meat don't have to defend themselves, why should we? Why is there such a social stigma attached to *not* drinking alcohol???

I used to drink - a lot. Now, because of the Topamax, I don't. So when I was invited to my new friends' party, I thought about doing everything y'all suggested and when it came down to it, I just said, "I don't drink alcohol." If pressed, I'd say, "It doesn't play well with my medication." If they were rude enough to ask what kind of meds, I'd say, "Nunya." Because really, I wasn't there to get drunk, but to spend time with my friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very valid points, path. I wish it were that simple. I wanted to impress or make a good impression on these people and "belong" and drinkers always like to have drinking buddies. I'm glad I got it across to them that I don't drink.

I wouldn't personally say the medication line. I think it's none of their business from the get go. If I had another disease I wouldn't feel obnligated to tell these people right off the bat. If we get to be buddies sure, but I don't tell just anyone. Not because I'm ashamed, but because it does freak people out. They usually accept it, but every once in awhile you get someone who doesn't. Screw them I say. Love me, love my mood swings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...