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Suicidally depressed-triggering


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;) I have been having constant suicidal thoughts and thoughts about acting on them. I feel like I am really close and it is scaring me. But, at the same time, I just don't care anymore. I'm tired. There is just too much in my life right now that I can't deal with. I don't care right now how it will affect anyone else. Maybe I will tomorrow. I am calling my pdoc tomorrow, but she only works Mon. thru Wed. I have an appt. next week w/ new tdoc. I can't even read and am supposed to start school in a little over a week.

Help. Please.

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hi mel

have you called your pdoc/counsellor? i think they can help better than us.

if you think you're going to do something, please please please go to the er. soon.

please keep us posted and let us know how you're doing. it'll be over soon, hang on.

hugs (if wanted)

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Hi, sweetie. I hear that you are feeling hopeless and tired of fighting. That's a very hard place to be, and I'm sorry that you're finding yourself there at this moment.

I think you need to go to the nearest emergency room immediately. It's time to turn the problems over to someone else to manage for a while. You need professional care so you can rest while they fight for you. Let someone else take care of you during this difficult moment in your life.

Will you go, honey?

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What I usually do when I feel like killing myself is to write about the reasons why I want to die. It really helps! Maybe you need an outlet for everything you're feeling because I know that it will feel really, really heavy if you keep it all to yourself.

You may think that you're insignificant or that life is meaningless and cruel. Trust me, I feel that everyday. But believe you me, death is never easy for anyone to get over or to accept.

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i know how you are feeling mel. its really really hard. as much as it is horrible, i hope it helps to know that other people feel like this too.

i started a post down a bit about dealing with suicidal thoughts.

i think its just about taking things one day, or one hour, or a few minutes at a time. put it off because we know that this is not what we 'really' want, just what seems to be the best/easiest/most comforting option at the moment.

i am hoping that i can get through this so i will hope for you too.

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Thanks guys. I am feeling a little better right now. But I just woke up. I finally called my sister. She is my number one support person. She made me promise to do something. I am in close contact with her. well she lives a couple of hours away. But she helped me a little. This really sucks. I was stable for so long. Which is several months. That doesn't sound like a long time, but for me it is. I really don't want to change meds. Or increase them. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what pdoc thinks. I almost don't want to call her because I don't want my meds changed. My new tdoc called me yesterday and I go on Wed. I almost asked her if I could see her today.Maybe today will be a better day. Thank you all for caring. That too helps. Melissa

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You need to bring these thoughts to someone's attention NOW. Someone who will hear you. Someone who may help you or keep you safe. If this is your sister, that's great - but there should be someone closer that you have. Definitely tdoc and pdoc. There is NO REASON you should spend another day, hour, minute feeling this way without haveing some kind of plan to get out. Be PROACTIVE. Take a look at your suicidal ideations and just say NO. Outloud. Tell them you will not listen to them, that you choose life and they can talk as much as they want but they are wasting their breath. I swear to god this worked for me. Speaking, outloud, to the voices and let the voices be verbal helps. This is what the conversation was like for me:

;):)

"Hey, why don't you pick up that knife and jam it through your body somewhere?" says the brain.

I say, "NO! I will not kill myself. Shut the hell up with your suicide talk. Suicide is stupid and completely pointless. I will wait for help to come and get through this. I have a disorder/disease that makes me feel this way, and I won't listen to it."

Do this as much as you want. When it was really bad, I curled myself up in a ball, rocked back and forth and kind of chanted "Take my pain" or something. After a half hour or so, I was pretty drained and a little loopy from the crying and rocking. (I get dizzy easily - lame)

Just a couple suggestions. But do something NOW. Did I mention you should do something NOW? Like, get the hell off the computer, get some phone numbers and let your fingers do the dialing. Don't think about it. Just fess up. Tell on yourself if you want to use an AA term.

Sooooooo, why are you still here? Go make a call or 2. We'll still be there when you get back.

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How about this for weird? My depression is gone. It has been determined that the cause of my suicide wishes was Darvocet. It started when I started it and ended a few days after I stopped it. Whew! I feel like I am lucky to be alive. I have never had such strong suicidal thoughts/desires before. I mean, i was really close to doing it and not caring one way or another. Scary shit. Now that my head is clearer, I can't imagine wanting to offf myself. It's like I can see again. Hard to explain, but Thank You, whoever is watching out for me! And thanks for the replies. And beware of darvocet.

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How about this for weird? My depression is gone. It has been determined that the cause of my suicide wishes was Darvocet. It started when I started it and ended a few days after I stopped it. Whew! I feel like I am lucky to be alive. I have never had such strong suicidal thoughts/desires before. I mean, i was really close to doing it and not caring one way or another. Scary shit. Now that my head is clearer, I can't imagine wanting to offf myself. It's like I can see again. Hard to explain, but Thank You, whoever is watching out for me! And thanks for the replies. And beware of darvocet.

Woohoo for (relatively) easy solutions to suicidality! Now if you get suicidal again you can think of this time and how it was med related and after getting off the bad med you had NO desire to kill yourself any more! I understand the feeling of being able to see again. It's like depression gives you poop colored glasses where everything looks like shit. Finally taking off the glasses is a beautiful thing.

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Supergwen, you are so right! I think I will make a new post about this so everyone can see it. Whenever I feel suicidal, I will just look at it. I am so glad I'm alive! I was so close.

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