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I started drinking when I was 12. Started smoking weed when I was 14. Started valiums and rivotril at 15. Harder drugs when I was 17 (ecstasy, acid, meth). Overdosed when I was 22, diagnosed with DD. I'm on cymbalta and seroquel now and cocaine started being the drug of choice.

I don't want to tell my Pdoc about the coke. Rehab is too expensive and my family can't afford. I've tried "hibernating" to avoid the drug cliques but they manage to find me.

I've forget why I take drugs but take it anyway.

How to solve this?

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You should always be honest with your pdoc. The only person that gets hurt is you. You may get innappropriate drugs and treatment as a result.

Nobody said anything about rehab or its cost anyway. Isn't that just an excuse?

Only you can solve this, with the help of your pdoc. You can start the ball rolling by telling him about your situation at the next visit.

You can start even sooner by attending NA /AA meetings this week. As an adult you really DO control who you associate with. Change your habits, change your hangouts, move to a different part of town.

It's a tough road, but you have to choose to be well. Good luck. a.m.

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I can only second what AM wrote - you have to be honest with your pdoc. I know it's damn hard, but you have to do it. You seem to be pretty torn - on the one hand, the fact that you're asking us this and talking about trying to "avoid the drug cliques" means that on some level you KNOW that this is a situation that you can't continue, but on the other hand, you're scared of letting go of the coke. We can't provide a magical solution for you. If your desire to change becomes strong enough, the only way you're going to move out of this space is to ask for help. Don't use "can't afford rehab" as an excuse. If your pdoc knows what's going on - EVERYTHING that's going on, then s/he can take steps towards providing the help that's appropriate for your circumstances.

Really, being on a combination of psych meds and coke is completely screwed up. God knows what it's doing to your body and mind.

I won't comment on the post before mine because it'll be zapped soon enough.

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OK - so you can't NOT be on drugs. How about controlling which drugs you are on? Technically, if you are on doctor prescribed drugs you are still on drugs, even if you stop doing coke. You can stop doing coke, y'know. It's a bitch and a half I'm sure (I have what I like to refer to as a lightweight addiction to another substance) but under a doctor's care and with support, either family or friends or NA, you truly can do it.

I started drinking at 12 but stopped there. I accidentally (someone spiked my drink) did PCP and it was the most horrible experience of my life. Hallucinating about suicide and not even knowing why was not fun. It was after that, and at the advice of a good friend, that I swore off anything harder than, um, certain stuff that I won't mention. It's too easy for me to get psychotic and suicidal. I take something that I have a bad reaction to - whoops I'm dead. No good.

So trust in the psych meds. You need to tell your doc so there aren't interactions or concerns you need to know about. If rehab is out, there are many other options.

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I started drinking & more at age 11 or 12. Based on my family experiences and beginnings of the mood swings. I HAD to drink and do whatever else was at hand. I used it to SHUT down my mind. I was a daily drinker and once I was drinking I did whatever was available. At the end, I was mixing vicodons & valium with my drinking. I went to rehab when I was 17, turned 18 there, and graduated from high school while in there. But I still NEEDED to drink. I was far too young to stop.

At 22, I crashed. I sobered up in AA. I also started antidepressants because it was a huge depressive episode. Stopping drinking & drugs can be done. Not only did I do AA, but I did counseling and antidepressants.

But I HAD to change my friends and where I hung out. Which wasn't really that hard at the time. I was totally shut down anyway. When I came out of it, I made all new friends.

Not only do they have rehabs, but they have day and evening out-patient treatment. And AA/NA is free.

You really aren't going to get better with a coke habit.

Good luck.

Oreo

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I started drinking & more at age 11 or 12. Based on my family experiences and beginnings of the mood swings. I HAD to drink and do whatever else was at hand. I used it to SHUT down my mind. I was a daily drinker and once I was drinking I did whatever was available. At the end, I was mixing vicodons & valium with my drinking. I went to rehab when I was 17, turned 18 there, and graduated from high school while in there. But I still NEEDED to drink. I was far too young to stop.

At 22, I crashed. I sobered up in AA. I also started antidepressants because it was a huge depressive episode. Stopping drinking & drugs can be done. Not only did I do AA, but I did counseling and antidepressants.

But I HAD to change my friends and where I hung out. Which wasn't really that hard at the time. I was totally shut down anyway. When I came out of it, I made all new friends.

Not only do they have rehabs, but they have day and evening out-patient treatment. And AA/NA is free.

You really aren't going to get better with a coke habit.

Good luck.

Oreo

Amazing! I used to drink to get drunk too. I used to drink everyday when I was in college and it's a miracle that I even graduated. Drugs were easy to get too. Valiums were expensive then so we settled for pirated valiums from Pakistan. I'm not from the US so I wouldn't know about AA or NA. I'll ask around tho. I know I should stop but I don't want to. I know it's a bunch of BS but...

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MissBeatrice, if you are talking here at Crazyboards about quitting drugs, that means it is in the back of your mind, if not the forefront.

Look up Narcotics Anonymous on the internet. It won't hurt to attend a meeting to see what it's all about, and you could save your life.

Is there counseling available where you live? If you can't afford a therapist, could you check with the County Health Dept. or the local Mental Health Association? I think a tdoc could help guide you through this, and give you some tools to help you.

There are many people here who have quit illegal drugs, alcohol, nicotine, and other addictive substances. It can be done, but you have to really want to do it.

I hope you decide to live.

olga

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Are you BP?

I only ask because I self medicated with alcohol and coke for 6 years. I got the mania when I needed to feel it through coke and smothered my depression with alcohol.

It took close to bankruptcy and warnings from my job twice before I realized my life was falling apart.

I lost all relationships in my life.

So I guess that was my rock bottom. And since you od'd wasn't that your rock bottom?

You can go without drugs if you give your psych meds a chance to work without jerkin your brain chemistry around with coke.

I'm a little skeptical of the anti-depressant in your cocktail if you're BP it may not be helping matters.

I was on a zyprexa-effexor combo and it made my addictive tendencies worse.

I've been sober for over a year. I had my last hoo-rah with coke and alcohol 2 days before starting lamictal and haven't looked back.

I hope you feel better ;)

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NA and AA may have started in the US, but they're international now.

Visit

NA international meetings

International AA details

And talk to your pdoc.

We can't make up your mind for you. But I can guarantee you that you're just going to keep hearing the same version of the same thing from every single one of us everytime you bring this up here (talk to your pdoc. Get honest with him/her and yourself. Find a meeting. Do whatever the hell you have to do to get help). If you're not ready to do it now, then at least you know what steps to follow when you are. You're not the first addict on the planet who knows s/he should stop but doesn't want to. That's why they talk about "hitting rockbottom" - when you reach the point when your life is so screwed up by your drugging/drinking that the next step is death. If you don't want to die, you have to pick yourself up and do something about it. I went through a few rehabs before things finally sank in, and I know how rough it is. There's no magic switch that you can hit to make the cravings and addict behaviour go away. It takes damn hard work, and as oreokitty said, your whole life has to change.

It's worth it. But it's your decision. Most of us around here who have been through this have either said or heard every sentence beginning with "I want to quit, BUT..." that there is out there. It's called bargaining. For a lot of us our lives just got so completely hideous that the bargaining became more and more ridiculous.

We're just lines of print on an internet screen for you. We're hear to listen, but not to offer alternatives that will allow you to keep drugging. We can tell you what worked for us in terms of real live face to face interaction and treatment, but only you can decide when to go down that route.

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I started drinking when I was 12. Started smoking weed when I was 14. Started valiums and rivotril at 15. Harder drugs when I was 17 (ecstasy, acid, meth). Overdosed when I was 22, diagnosed with DD. I'm on cymbalta and seroquel now and cocaine started being the drug of choice.

I don't want to tell my Pdoc about the coke. Rehab is too expensive and my family can't afford. I've tried "hibernating" to avoid the drug cliques but they manage to find me.

I've forget why I take drugs but take it anyway.

How to solve this?

Hey This is my first post. I stumbled onto this site because i have exactly the same problem as you Bea.

I stated drinking at 11 smoking pot at 12 experimenting with harder drugs at 16. Im now 24 and have an opiate addiction that im struggling with HARD!

My doctor first prescribed seroquel back in december or january to help my depression and cravings. I asked him to prescribe suboxone for me but he said to try this first.

The quell sure helped me sleep i would fall asleep where i was stanind when it kicked in.

i went back a few months later and told him i was still struggling with pills and he directed me to another doctor because it turned out he wasnt licensed to scribe me suboxone.

So a "friend" of mine who actully helped get me started on heroin gave me a doctors name or suboxone. I got on it and it worked it really helped.

then stupid me decided to stop taking it for a few days so i could get high...just once...

here I am a month later ... ive been using almost everyday for a month.

my boss gave me a week off of work to get back on my feet from my depression (he could tell a difference in my behavior but didnt know i was also struggling with dope)

so im trying to use this week to get off drugs get back on my suboxone and seroquell but ive been failing.

I dont even want to use drugs...its not even fun anymore...i want to be happy and I do nt want to ruin my very supportive boyfriend and I's life.

I dont know what im so afraid of about being sober.

Ive been going through a lot of things aside from all this and i think im worried I cant handle them all soberly.

Im going to post tomorrow and let anyone know whos reading... if im successful.

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HeyMaggie (that was one of my mother's nicknames, so it's a Great Name!), I'm going to post something that Miab listed in a post in this thread:

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/na/a/blna_global.htm

This is a link to the international list of Narcotics Anonymous. If you really want to get the monkey off your back, look up a group in your area and go to a meeting.

I hope you will. You can get your life back, honest.

We care what happens to you--

olga

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I started drinking when I was 12. Started smoking weed when I was 14. Started valiums and rivotril at 15. Harder drugs when I was 17 (ecstasy, acid, meth). Overdosed when I was 22, diagnosed with DD. I'm on cymbalta and seroquel now and cocaine started being the drug of choice.

I don't want to tell my Pdoc about the coke. Rehab is too expensive and my family can't afford. I've tried "hibernating" to avoid the drug cliques but they manage to find me.

I've forget why I take drugs but take it anyway.

How to solve this?

Hey This is my first post. I stumbled onto this site because i have exactly the same problem as you Bea.

I stated drinking at 11 smoking pot at 12 experimenting with harder drugs at 16. Im now 24 and have an opiate addiction that im struggling with HARD!

My doctor first prescribed seroquel back in december or january to help my depression and cravings. I asked him to prescribe suboxone for me but he said to try this first.

The quell sure helped me sleep i would fall asleep where i was stanind when it kicked in.

i went back a few months later and told him i was still struggling with pills and he directed me to another doctor because it turned out he wasnt licensed to scribe me suboxone.

So a "friend" of mine who actully helped get me started on heroin gave me a doctors name or suboxone. I got on it and it worked it really helped.

then stupid me decided to stop taking it for a few days so i could get high...just once...

here I am a month later ... ive been using almost everyday for a month.

my boss gave me a week off of work to get back on my feet from my depression (he could tell a difference in my behavior but didnt know i was also struggling with dope)

so im trying to use this week to get off drugs get back on my suboxone and seroquell but ive been failing.

I dont even want to use drugs...its not even fun anymore...i want to be happy and I do nt want to ruin my very supportive boyfriend and I's life.

I dont know what im so afraid of about being sober.

Ive been going through a lot of things aside from all this and i think im worried I cant handle them all soberly.

Im going to post tomorrow and let anyone know whos reading... if im successful.

Do let us know dear ;) on my part, the only thing that's keeping me from doing coke all day everyday is the price. Cocaine is expensive where I'm from and I don't have a high paying job that could maintain that lifestyle.

Update us, okay?

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Most of us around here who have been through this have either said or heard every sentence beginning with "I want to quit, BUT..." that there is out there. It's called bargaining. For a lot of us our lives just got so completely hideous that the bargaining became more and more ridiculous.

We're just lines of print on an internet screen for you. We're hear to listen, but not to offer alternatives that will allow you to keep drugging. We can tell you what worked for us in terms of real live face to face interaction and treatment, but only you can decide when to go down that route.

Amen.

As a 47 y.o. addict who has been on and off the merry-go-round for 35 years, I would say "until the bargaining becomes more and more HIDEOUS." Coming back from that hell hole at THIS AGE is no picnic. Gone are the days of "bouncing back", I am lucky, fer reeaal, to be alive. I guess, I'm taking that one on faith.

If you are an addicted person, as I was at 13--23, 33, 43+, will never change that. Only you can decide and take the power for your life back again. Sounds crazy, I know. Hokey, even. But true. Cliches are true because they work, in most all cases.

Meh. Just two cents from the sober and stupid dept.

Best,

S9

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i screwed up.

I get to hour 20 and i screw up. i really wanted to start my suboxone today.

the worst part is going to be when my bf gets home from work and sees i havent started my suboxone yet and ill have to tell him what i did.

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HeyMaggie (that was one of my mother's nicknames, so it's a Great Name!), I'm going to post something that Miab listed in a post in this thread:

[link=http://alcoholism.about.com/od/na/a/blna_global.htm"'>http://alcoholism.about.com/od/na/a/blna_global.htm" target="_blank]http://alcoholism.about.com/od/na/a/blna_global.htm[/link]

This is a link to the international list of Narcotics Anonymous. If you really want to get the monkey off your back, look up a group in your area and go to a meeting.

I hope you will. You can get your life back, honest.

We care what happens to you--

olga

thank you for this link however i couldnt find any info for the states on it.

i found a link to local na meetings though so thank you

im going to ask my boyfriend to attend al-anon meetings so he can try to understand what im going through.

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HeyMaggie, don't beat yourself up. Get to a meeting and listen to the people there. They've all been through it and will be sympathetic to you and your struggles. It's a good idea if your BF can go to Al-anon. I don't know if NA has an equivalent group for spouses. It is hard for them to understand why you can't just stop on your own, so he needs to learn about addiction, too.

Good luck and come back and tell us how you are doing.

olga

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  • 1 month later...

It seems like everybody's drug histories are the same.. I started drinking at 12, pills at 13, weed at 14, blow at 15.. and cocaine ruled my life for almost four years.

It took a string of events that sent me into a month long psychotic episode(I'm schizotypal with regular flipouts) for me to get my shit together and cut all of that. Looking at five flat from pushin' it is a big enough reason to stop, but hallucinating the drug task force storming my house multiple times a day proved to be a bigger reason.

I also happen to have a genetic collagen disorder, all of my joints are boo boo, so I'm on painkillers/muscle relaxers almost everyday. I have the urge to splurge myself on some days.. take a lil more than is necessary. It's a struggle, but I shall overcome.

My drugs of choice are Lamictal, Seroquel, and Zyprexa. If you take them away from me.. I'll go apeshit and come at you like a spider monkey.

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