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sounds pretty stupid huh?

;)

but that's what i want. i want the shit to stop for real and that seems to be the only real and long-lasting solution. but at the same time, i don't want to leave my parents and some friends. i wish things were different. i wish i wasn't bp, i wish i wasn't addicted to cutting, i wish so many things....

:):)^_^

i have sometimes even thought about ending with my parents' life then mine, so they don't have to go thru the "misery" of "losing" me. maybe they lost me long time ago, but no one wants to see it. i know it's stupid and horrible, i love them so much i could't hurt them, though sometimes i'm plagued with thoughts like that.

i'm sorry. i really am.

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Boy, things sound pretty bad, Starfish. I'm sorry it seems like such a bleak future for you---your picture looks like a young person.

Is there anyone you can call tonight to talk with? Would you consider calling a suicide hot line?

I know things seem so totally hopeless, but I believe that each of us has value, and each of us has something we can give to others. It may seem futile with your illness, but I wish you could see a teeny little bit of hope at the end of the tunnel. You are a human being and deserve the chance to be happy and productive.

Please call someone and talk tonight. Don't be alone.

olga

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I know the feeling, trust me I do. I want to kill myself, but I don't want to die. I see a future, but I don't see how to get from point A to point B. It doesn't sound stupid at all, it's completely understandable.

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I want to kill myself, but I don't want to die.

That's a common feeling, and an expression of: I'd like to just kill that part of me causing this misery. Unfortunately, the depressed brain starts to want to take extreme measures to "solve" the problem. But, as you might have guessed, depressed brains aren't always that good at thinking rationally, especially while in the throes of depression.

So, take the alternate approach and call someone or go to emergency room. You don't have to take your life over something like a chemical malfunction. It's most likely a neurotransmitter or two that just needs some help to work right.

If your brain is telling you, "just shut it *all* down!" -- don't listen! Instead, pick up the phone, and call someone -- anyone -- for help. Get the process started to treat the imbalance, and save your own life.

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I feel the same way. I'm about 2 steps away from the ER myself. I can understand your pain.

I can relate to wanting to kill the people who love me, desoite my failings.

If you're having homicidal thoughts along with the suicidal thoughts, get help now. I can't enphasize that enough.

Hang in there.

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thanks for your replies, advice and concern. things are much better now. i dont know wth was going on inside that made me feel that way. it's over for now, because i know it'll be back eventually.

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