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let this be a place free of cries of 'tmi!'

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Hi. I'm a newly adult high school graduate with many tasty little neuroses (and I use the term loosely).

I've had a nasty case of IBS-C since toddlerhood, roughly- but no diagnosis 'til 13ish. I've had many-- too many-- laxatives and enemas, a fruitless colonoscopy, and a seemingly effective but eventually unfortunate stint with Zyrtec. I'm doing okay right now- I think antidepressants have helped with the one variable I can't control, stress.

ADHD diagnosis came in sixth grade-- I was on Concerta (methylphenidate) for five years, until I began abusing the medication. Stopped of my own accord- I developed enough coping skills in that time that interference was minimal.

While abusing the meds, I went through a nasty breakup and was placed in a nasty(er) living situation. It was during this time I started picking at my skin. It started on my face and hangnails and has since moved to the less-visible scalp, back and breasts. I don't have an official dermatillomania diagnosis, or whatever that falls under in DSM-IV. I intend to discuss it with my therapist when she gets back from vacation. Less stress has also meant less picking.

(I also was prone to impulsive haircutting. I seriously doubt that's in anyone's diagnostic manual- it's fairly harmless, and I happened to be good at it. I also pick lint and hair off of people's shirts.)

I believe I may have suffered from childhood depression, and I've had a depressive mood for at least six months, but right now, my therapist and I are sticking with adjustment disorder. I like to think that it doesn't always have to be this way for me, and I *have* been placed in a lot of stressful life situations over the past three years.

She doesn't want me to have the the stigma of an MDD diagnosis just yet, especially since, as is no doubt evident if you've stuck with me thus far, I have a tendency to pathologize myself. In other news, I am painfully self-aware, perfectionistic, and somehow both 'too logical' and prone to magical thinking. I don't trust people. I don't see the problem with this, although I am willing to believe there is one, and concede that my life would be easier if I could trust people.

My social anxiety became evident upon my relocation to a foreign country. It was quite crippling, but I've done really well with the medication- I've been on citalopram for about six weeks and all of that seems really distant now.

Talk therapy for eight weeks now, fantastic but-- shrink on vacation for a month. This worries me. I'm supposed to keep daily pages while she's gone.

I still have difficulty interpreting people's words and actions, although to me, it's really just that others are too damn ambiguous. My perfectionism got out-of-control during my final year of high school, to the point where I couldn't function academically, despite my intelligence. I am picking up the pieces before I head off to my dream college. I'm bisexual and certain, but not out, aside from, you know, my sister and strangers (I hope) on the internet. I'm way too crazy to be dealing with anyone else right now, anyway.

I'm beginning to worry that being "painfully self-aware" is a nice way for my shrink to tell me I am self-centered; I suppose they're the same thing, just with different connotations.

Pathologizing myself aside, I invite you to be ridiculously blunt with me-- I prefer it. I hope to spend a lot of time here. I have a lot of friends and family members who are also a little crazy. I'm gearing up for financial independence and all the other new trinkets of adulthood. I'm very excited about it.

I'm bad at knowing when to stop. In this posting, and in general. If there's anything I know about myself, it's that I can't get enough of a good thing.

I look forward to knowing you.

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I'm beginning to worry that being "painfully self-aware" is a nice way for my shrink to tell me I am self-centered; I suppose they're the same thing, just with different connotations.

Painfully self aware is a good thing. To me, it means insightful and forthcoming which are good tools to have in therapy.

I don't interpret that as self centered and if your pdoc/therapist does than he/she is an idiot...

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