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What do you do when your SO is in denial?


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My dh has been home sick since last thursday and even though he is feeling better, he has taken the rest of the week off. So I asked him nicely if he would read some of the material on bipolar that I printed out for him. He actually got upset and said, "Can't I just relax and be lazy? Do I have to read when I don't want to?". He actually said, and I can't believe this, "When I have hemorroids (sp?) do I make you read about it so I know how you feel?" then something to the effect that 'you're sick, I get it.'

Well, we started arguing and it got even worse from there. He went to bed angry. I stayed up till 2 a.m. I just can't believe he compared having bipolar to having hemorroids! and he refuses to read anything about bipolar. I printed it out over a month ago. Why can't he just read a little bit at least? Is he in denial or what? He has lived with like this for so many years. I think he would be relieved. But I think that it is harder for him to accept it than it was for me. IDK. I am just really depressed today about the whole thing. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

On a brighter note, I am now seeing a tdoc. I really like her. I also think the combination of meds that I am on now is starting to really work. I am not as depressed as much anymore and I don't get as manic as I was before. I am however more on the manic side than depressed, but like I said not as much. But what happened last night has sent me into a depressive state and the fact that dh has been home for almost a week and will be home longer hasn't helped at all. He just gets so damn picky about everything when he is home. I think he is bored from being home to but won't go back to work even though he is well enough to.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

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I printed it out over a month ago. Why can't he just read a little bit at least? Is he in denial or what?

i don't know twisted, but i'd like to know the answer too. i've been printing out things and bookmarking websites for mine for ten years. about depression, about ptsd, about dissociation, about eating disorders.... he's never looked once. not once. and if pressed he'll get angry, too. ;)

But what happened last night has sent me into a depressive state and the fact that dh has been home for almost a week and will be home longer hasn't helped at all.

no wonder. it's an incredible rejection to share something like that in hopes of being understood a little better - and then to be treated like it's trivial information. it depressed me incredibly every time i try (one more time), and nothing different ever happens. i am so sorry this happens to you.

and fwiw, if mine were home for a week straight i would be utterly bananas. i can't do that dance (i'm not alright but i'm going to pretend to be even though you know better but you can't handle me being upset so here, look, i'm smiling and here's your dinner honey) anymore.

i know it's sick but one of the things i predict in my recovery (which was on it's way there til lately, but it'll come back)... yeah i predict i'll leave. i don't think i'll ever get over ten years of that alone, let alone anything else. it hurts too much.

sorry that was probably not helpful at all. i just relate so hard - this morning as i was sitting in the bathroom sobbing, again, all he had to say was "i have to brush my teeth" (ie get out of my way). and a half-hearted "hope you feel better today" on the way out the door. not so much as a hand on my shoulder let alone a hug.

denial. must be nice. i wish i could deny what bothers me that easily.

- rita

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Hey. I'm glad you are feeling better. I don't know about the dh stuff. Maybe your new tdoc has some insight? It's good that you are seeing one. Maybe he will go to an appt. w/ you. I have had similar problems with my so. So I know how you feel.

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I had kind of the same problem with my parents for years. They didn't accept that I simply can't do things like other people and that I do not act like other people. They didn't accept that I had to be on meds for the rest of my life. They weren't getting it.

I think it was when I went into my first IOP that they caught on. Then when I went into the hospital, they really caught on. Knowing that I truly wanted/want sometimes to kill myself got their attention. Not that I was looking for attention, quite the opposite, I want to be left alone. They then read all kinds of information, took a damn class from NAMI for the families of the MI, and I've discussed things with them for ages. They still don't quite get it. Some things they can understand, but mostly it is theorhetical. They don't get that when I tell them I am freaking out and need to be left alone lest ruin relationships, that I mean it. They also don't understand that when I tell them I am feeling something come on, that I have little control over the oncoming freight train of trouble.

Basically, they forget. Or they assume that because I am taking my meds and going to therapy that I am "better". I want allowances for being sick but they have problems giving them. Part of it is my serious mistreatment of people and them not being able to accept it. I know that being bipolar doesn't give me free reign to abuse those around me, but when I try to avoid it they don't listen at times.

I think this post has turned out to be not so relevant. But it's my experience.

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Rita, thanks for the reply. I am sorry that your dh is that way with you. It is hard when they don't try to understand. Dh and I actually had a long talk and he was almost crying by the end of it. But we will see how long that lasts.

Mel, I have asked if he would go to the tdoc with me but he won't. it took him three days of being really sick before he went to see one himself. So that is out.

Supergwen, thanks for the reply also, it doesn't matter if it is relevant or not because you are speaking your mind and saying what you feel and that is all we can do right? and any response helps. Thanks again.

Wifezilla, that is definately denial. I don't get it either. Maybe he just doesn't want to admit that anything is wrong. maybe my dh doesn't want to admit that anything is wrong with me either. who knows with men?

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