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I heard of it the first time when they actually told me i have it.

it means you cant do stuff you people normally do uncounsciously and while trying to compensate, you start to do them consciously (walking, social interraction etc.). which sucks big time. this is worse than it sounds. believe me.

supposedly it comes either from schizo or from autism (or from the autistic aspects of schizo as the paper mentioned below says).

i totally hope this crap is correctable by clozapine. DO NOT WANT!1

people who have it sound like this:

[...] "What is it that I really lack? Something so small, so comic, but so unique and important that you cannot live without it [...]. What I lack really is the 'natural evidence' [...]. It has simply to do with living, how to behave yourself in order not to be pushed outside society. But I cannot find the right word for that which is lacking in me [...]. It is not knowledge, it is prior to knowledge; it is something that every child is equipped with. It is these very simple things a human being has the need for, to carry on life, how to act, to be with other people, to know the rules of the game." [...] Another patient writes to his friend: "For your happiness, your lenience and your security, you can thank 'a something' of which you are not even conscious. This 'something' is first of all that which makes lenience possible. It provides the first ground" [...]

[...] "None of my movements come automatically to me now. I've been thinking too much about them, even walking properly, talking properly and smoking - doing anything. Before, they would be able to come automatically" [...]

for more info read this : http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlere...i?artid=1489853

btw: i'm hospitalized right now so dont worry if i dont post so much. we dont have internet there.

i totally need to know if you have it and how it developes over time and how you deal with it or better, get rid of it.

cheers

bear

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I remember being able to think without thinking verbally, now it's like I have to pronounce everything I think in my head. I also remember being able to read without pronouncing it all in my head. I don't think I have a moment during the day which is thought-free. I have to force myself to respond to people in a conversation. Everything I say and do feels forced. Sometimes I feel like I'm imitating myself because I seem to do everything on purpose.

Is this how you experience it, bear?

Absolutely totally exactly. those could be my words. i could think without words too but that was ages ago. (like 7 years ago). and as you said, it comes slowly. some people even have to breathe consciously. i totally dont want to end there.

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