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Hello everyone!

I've been reading and lurking for about two weeks, and I finally decided to set up a profile and get into the posting portion of this event.

My name is Shao, I'm a 22 y/o Paramedic from Pennsylvania living with my Fiance, his four cats and a dog. I've had a pretty crazy medical history, so I'll just outline the finer points.

I can honestly say that my parents never did anything to induce any mental illnesses. I was never abused, I was never left alone...anything like that. The only thing I could say is that my mother is the cause of my OCD where I have to clean EVERYTHING in sight. She was raised to believe that a clean home was a Godly home, and I believe that she has a bit of OCD as well, so I was always cleaning from a young age.

I was adopted at the ripe young age of 1 year. My birth mother left a scathing letter basically saying that I was worthless and that the various tactics of self abortion didn't work, and she hated me for it. She gave me up at birth. In my adoption file, it stated that she didn't even want to look at me let alone hold me. My biological Grandmother acknowledged my existance by holding me for a few moments.

I had know I was adopted since I was about seven or eight, I can't remember when I actually knew. Anywho, I grew up in a place where physically I was different. I hit puberty at the old age of Four; I was diagnosed with an overactive pituatary gland. The teasing was harsh from the onset; imagine being in the third grade and having to ask the nurse for a sanitary napkin...

Beyond that, I always felt 'out of sorts' but my parents chalked it up to being horomonal; my body couldn't deal with the changes I was going through. Jump forward to my senior year in High School when everything changed. I was sexually assaulted by a person I had known my entire life, someone who I had looked up to as a friend and comrade. He was like the brother I never had, seeing as if he was only a year older than me. It took me about six months to reveal what had happened to my family.

In college, things got even worse. I went to a college just on the outskirts of Philadelphia. My roommate had a boyfriend who was involved in drugs and other sorts of illegal activites. He beat her miserably in front of me and others. I took a stand one day, and he beat both of us. Even though he won, he remembered that I was there. At the time, I was dating someone who was almost ten years my senior. He had a nasty drinking problem and a very short temper. The slightest thing could and would set him off. I developed severe insomnia, staying awake for days at a time before I just passed out because I was so spent. I left college after a year because mentally I couldn't handle what was going on.

Back home I met the man I plan on marrying. He helped me to take the biggest step in my life: going and seeing a therapist. She had me fill out a questionare, and because of my line of work, (Emergency Medical Technician) I had seen people in various states of injury, death, and dying. I owe everything to that woman. Even though she couldn't help me because she more or less specialized in "normal" psych cases, she tried her hardest. She diagnosed me with severe depression, PTSD, OCD, and DID. Talking to her made it so much easier.

She refered me to another Psychologist who specialized in people who had DID and PTSD, especially in the Public Safety crowd. It was like a Sports Psych, but for Paramedics. She helped me to deal with how stressfull my life was at that time, and even helped me to understand DID, making me feel that I wasn't as crazy as I felt. (I'll write more about my first experience with DID on the appropriate board) I stopped seeing her because she wanted me to change my views on who I was, trying to make me identify with one racial group over another (My birth Mother was full blooded N. American while my birth father was A. American) My parents raised me to cherish both nationalities, she wanted me to pick one and stay with it.

I am glad I finally sought help. I still deal with my issues, but the meds that I was on (Another topic entirely) versus what I'm on now helps.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

~Shao~

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Shao, welcome to Crazyboards. I hope you find some answers here, and it sounds like you have started to get good treatment already.

Our few rules are listed up above, so take a minute and look them over. You can contact any of the mods if you have a question.

We're glad to have you here!

olga

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