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I'm not gay, but I have many friends online who are. When I was a teen/young adult, my mom let my aunt and her family stay with us for two and a half years. I'll spare the details, but it was really hard for me and made my life hell, as well as worsened my OCD and panic disorder. Anyway, I remember my cousin's girlfriend (later, wife, then I think they got divorced, but then back together, and now I don't know what) saying that if she saw a gay person walking down the street, she'd kick their ass, and she couldn't stand people like that. Don't ask me how she'd know they were gay (unless she already knew them).

And they'd have friends over, using words like "faggot," and if I said anything, I was just ignored or laughed at. It's really hard to live in a home where you have to hear that shit, you know?

My mom still uses slurs that offend me. I will be talking to her on the phone, and she'll refer to a gay person with a slur. Several days ago, she said she thought someone she knew or who was related or friends with someone she knew was "funny." At first, I thought she meant mentally ill, for which I was going to speak up about that. But I asked her what she meant, and she got irritated with me and said, "He likes to get with other boys." I started telling her how rude that was, and she just replied with her usual bull, "That's just what we call them here." She also uses "queer," but not in the positive or accepted way some gay people do.

She's entitled to her opinion, but I really don't want to hear such rudeness. I find it disrespectful.

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She's entitled to her opinion, but I really don't want to hear such rudeness. I find it disrespectful.

Whether the topic is sexuality, religion, race, or politics, it's very hard dealing with that from parents unless you have the sort of relationship where you can tell them *exactly* what's on your mind. Miss Manners probably has a better way to say it, but I'd suggest something along the lines of "I understand that's how you see things, but it's still disrespectful to people I know and care about. Can we change the subject?"

However, for certain "That's just what we call them here" places, when it's too late for Miss Manners to step in there's also "A lady does not speak of others that manner." or even "That was uncalled-for."

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Thanks. I've already planned, if she brings it up again, to say something like, "I have a lot of gay friends, and it offends me when you use those terms. I think it's best you not discuss situations and opinions of this type with me."

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