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is it ever o.k. not to tell a kid he has aspergers


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Is there a real advantage from keeping this knowledge from him?

It makes it a whole lot easier to be in denial about his situation and avoid getting him any sort of social skills coaching to make it easier to deal with the rest of the NT planet.

If you mean advantage to *him*, being lied to for years about why everyone around him is so irrational? Not that I can see.

Note: I'm not an Aspie, so my views aren't particularly representative on this.

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I can imagine this would lead to a lot of problems the day they do decide to tell him, and I see no reason for waiting any longer.

Having been deceived his whole life.

His parents having kept some big secret from him.

Coming to terms with having a disadvantage.

Getting a whole different view of himself.

So far, the list of advantages is blank.

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I think this is just as bad as having a child in the family who was adopted, and keeping that information from him. He will feel betrayed and angry when he finds out that his parents withheld this information. And, as others have pointed out, this young man could be getting coaching and other help so that he could learn to deal with all the knuckleheads out in the world.

The best you can do is to love and be a good auntie to the boy, and urge the parents to get him the coaching and help that he needs.

olga

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i take it by 'having misunderstandings' he DOES have problems communicating and relating to others? if he's aware he's different and it bothers him, then yes, i think he should be told. problem is, should you do that? better to strongly urge his mum to do so. better yet, help the kid develop his own coping skills, if possible. (i don't know how close you are to him).

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  • 2 weeks later...

I immediately figured that I had Asperger's (or at least its personality traits) once I heard of this disorder. It was confirmed by a couple of tdocs upon some questioning.

My parents just knew me as "weird", "messy", "absent-minded" (though that's more the AD/HD), and other epithets that I had delivered towards me. "Irresponsible" was their total favorite. My nickname growing up was "destructive hands" due to my klutziness (that said, it was an accurate nickname!).

For self-injurious behavior in middle school, I was told to "stop being anti-social" "OR ELSE". (n.b. - parents are all bark and no bite.)

I'm not sure they had much of an excuse to be completely ignorant of the autisms once I started showing signs around 1986-87 (when I was 3). That was late enough for autism/PDD awareness to be a big thing in the United States.

Denial is more than a river in Africa, y'know. And it really ruined my childhood, which I have few fond memories of and would rather forget everything that happened up until about age 15.

So no, no NO denial, EVER. Don't ruin someone's life by not watching out for them.

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