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big accomplishment for me...


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My arm hurts a lot today, so I really can't type that well. Even so, I felt that i needed to share this with someone... to make it more real.

A lot of shit has gone on in my life these last few months and it has really been a constant struggle. Throughout all of the crap, though, I really tried to keep myself from cutting....

well, today is 100 days without. i cannot believe i did it, considering all that has gone on. it is also scary, though, bc i always feel that my starting again is imminent... :::sigh:::

so, yeah. i just needed to share the 100 day thing. i mean, it is one of those really significant accomplishments that you cant share with most other people...

sorry if this was stupid...

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Hey, it's not stupid. It's just like 100 days of not smoking, or 100 days of being off booze or something. I think it's terrific, and it must have been really hard with all the turmoil you've been going through.

It's a milestone, Ophelia. I'm happy for you.

olga

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I am really proud, that shows some guts and fortitude to do that. It should be the sort of courage that everyone admires, but for now let us cheer you on, with the caveat that if you ever had a lapse, we would still admire the attempt to carry on afterwards and we would help you get over it. Please don't see this achievement as pressure to continue.

Progress not perfection, eh?

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very cool. very, very cool. you've just proven to yourself that you *can* quit. even if you relapse, you *know* you can stop. that's a helluva lot of control and hard work there. Congrats to you!

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thank you, but I... I just don't know.

I am suck a fucking fake. I have been feeling so weak. For example, I am sitting here just crying, whimpering, and rocking back and forth...

I mean, one of the reasons why I haven't really been able to cut... you really want to know? It is because of my stupid arm injury... My fucking injured dead arm is my left arm... ;) the arm that I predominately cut. :) ...but with orthopedic surgeons looking at it and physical therapy, there is no way I could or can risk being caught. That is so fucking sad. I am still weak... very weak. I do other things... I always substitute one addiction with another...

...like I think I have a drinking problem... and I have for a while now...

...I just recently weened myself off of a pretty hardcore semester-long vicodin habit...

...I started smoking a lot... again...

...and other things...

I just fucking suck. I am a fraud. Yes, I went 100 days, but what does that even means anymore? Does it really mean anything anymore?

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Oh lordy, Ophelia, you're not a fake/fraud. You're under a lot of stress, it's natural to seek out comfort in whatever form. I can understand about the reason for not cutting... I've got a husband who is starting to grow suspicious that I cut myself so much cutting glass for framing.

Erm, I am NOT, repeat, NOT fussing at you, but alcohol doesn't help. I've been sober for almost a year now, and it really does help you cope, and not just drown out the sorrows. Soooo, just cutting back would be my remark.

100 days is a huge accomplishment, don't let go of that. You weaned yourself off an addiction. that's powerful. And what's wrong with crying?

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I always substitute one addiction with another

all that says to me is you have an addictive personality/very strong biochemical tendency towards addiction.

addiction is a disease, not a moral failure, for god's sake. so you've switched around your addictions. considering you're still under quite a bit of stress and not in a good place in your life (i still shudder when i think about your family's statement that they are going to 'whip you into shape') it's not at all surprising you are taking comfort where you can.

i'm not trying to be patronizing, but a lot of the time you seem to forget how young you really are...you, and Luna, still have a lot of living ahead of you to get this stuff under control and straightened out. i just don't know where you guys get this idea that you are supposed to be 100% self -actualized and fulfilled people, living up to 100% of your potential, by age 25! or 30, or 35.

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