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I'm going to die soon-but I'm NOT suicidal


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The micro machines inside of me have started to kill me slowly. I am still very depressed but luckily not suicidal but that doesn't mean anything because the government will kill me first. I feel them all over my body. I even felt one in my brain (what brain?) do something but that might just be the chip that is controlling me and putting thoughts into my head. I hate thought insertion! Sometimes I go catatonic for awhile or move very slowly like a robot because this is how they control me. They tell me that I killed millions of people simply by existing and will cause a Great Depression because I am so depressed. There was proof of that today because according to a report, June was the worst month for stocks since the 1930's. What happened then people? The Great Depression!!!!! Its my fault. I don't want to die at this exact moment because there are things that I am looking forward to. The good news is that I do have friends that support me even though I have problems. My friends are also schizophrenic. My leg is currently shaking for no reason. My average pulse rate due to the thought insertion and the machines eating me away is around 100. When I was on Geodon resting heart rate was 130. At least its down. I hope and pray I make it to my 4th of July party alive and not die by this time. I really want to cut them out before anything bad happens. But my parents threatened that if I do that I will go to the hospital and I don't want that. Who will win the Great Fight? The Government forces (CIA, FBI, Homeland security) or the Aliens? They want me too. So will I die before the aliens get me? Or will they capture me before I am totally eaten away from the inside. I am so scared right now and I don't know what to do. My psychiatrist gave me Invega again but last time I had it it raised my prolactin levels 5 times normal, caused my breast to leak, my periods to stop, and it gave me a growth on my pituitary gland. The Abilify wasn't working. The problem is is I refuse to take Clozaril or Zyprexa even if it promises to save my life. In this case the treatment is worse than the disease itself. So, what do I do to stop the machines and chips that are inside of me from killing me? Just remember I actually FEEL it doing it so I know it isn't fake. Not a delusion.

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There was proof of that today because according to a report, June was the worst month for stocks since the 1930's. What happened then people? The Great Depression!!!!! Its my fault.

Part of that really IS the media lying to you on behalf of certain parties in the government. Well, to everyone really, but sometimes you have the right to loathe them personally.

Anyway, it's not your fault. I recently bought some stocks and the stock market usually loses ground shortly afterward. My birthday later became the stock market's Black Monday. My luck can be *that* bad.

The problem is is I refuse to take Clozaril or Zyprexa even if it promises to save my life. In this case the treatment is worse than the disease itself. So, what do I do to stop the machines and chips that are inside of me from killing me? Just remember I actually FEEL it doing it so I know it isn't fake. Not a delusion.

Every sense can be deluded. You feel what you feel but the interpretation - that too can be deluded. If you are being made to feel like you must die, then the only reasonable thing to do is to take the medicine that will save your life. Just don't take so much for so long that your breasts leak or whatever.

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