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Shocked at the amount of meds...


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I've suffered from anxiety disorders since I was a small child. I think my first panic attack was when I was about six or seven, yes really. I was put on benzos when I was about 16 after I tried a suicide attempt along with an AD (bad idea). My first sign of Bipolar that was ignored for 16 years. After 17 years of benzo use, I became tolerant to every single one. Up until four months ago, I was on 25 mg's of Valium and 5 mg's of Xanax a day and didn't feel it.

My pdoc tried other off board meds for it; Seroquel being one. I won't even comment on the side effects...

It wasn't until he tried Propranolol that something finally switched off in my body. The knot in my chest disappeared in the first half an hour and I haven't had any symptoms (other than anxiety about Lithium) since. Even then, it was very contained and with good cause. I guess that I'm shocked that more people aren't on this med or another type of Beta Blocker when studies have shown that it works so well for a lot of people and is non-addictive.

My base MS is Lamictal, which I have loved since day one. I'm at my personal max. The Geodon is new for me and has given me back my personality and creativity that Lithium drowned away. I'm tapering off of Lithium as we speak. No need for it in the warm and sunny months.

Speaking of Lithium, the Valium is only for sleep and it doesn't even work. It's going away on Wednesday of next week along with the Lithium. I have now proved to my pdoc my theory regarding Lithium and sleepwalking (thanks to Silver). I don't appreciate either the 25 pounds of water weight and the lethargy that it gives me.

The Cytomel takes care of my chronically imbalanced metabolism that has plagued me since I was at least 16. I was just at that borderline. My pdoc took a chance and it paid off.

Of course I still wake up every morning and that thought races across my mind: "Am I going to lose it again, today?"

Maybe, but I take it moment by moment and remember how I used to feel when I wasn't sick. And that was a very long time ago...

Input welcome...

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