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Hi all! My name is Ed. I'm 50, married w/ two kids, an artist and teacher and I wasn't always this crazywacko.gif. Anyway I've posted here a few times, nothing much really. But now I think it is time to tell my story.

Been in various stages of depression/anxiety since I was 6 years old. Never felt "right". Did very poorly in school. Screwed up first college try, and second, and third, and finally graduated Cum Laude w/ a degree in Studio Art/Education from CUNY Hunter College. (Not medicated at this time and not drinking either)

Any way I was on Zoloft at 200 mgs for about 12 years with so so results. I also had bouts of self-medicating w/ booze just so I could feel better, more social. I liked booze but it didn't always return the favor.

So to move up to the now. Two years ago I had another bout with the bottle so I decided to see a pdoc to see if there was a better way of going about fixing this whatever it is MI. So I go and ask for Ativan and he gives them to me. They didn't really work as well as booze. I try some other benzo, Klonopin, so so. Then seroquel worked to put me to sleep; sometimes took care of the anxiety sometimes not. Oh well. Went on to more med trials with piss poor results (actually feeling worse then before I got on the ride). Long story short, pdoc gets me into a med induced depression like none I've ever had, which he even admitted to. New med Zyprexa 2.5mg2X/d,100mg Zoloft(its baaack), 200mg Lamictal. Worked for awhile, like 2 months. Top o' tha world ma, top o' tha world! This of course did not last. Back to Dr. Ups the Zoloft to 150mg, gives me ativan again. Here I am feeling just like I was when I started with this med mess (actually worse off), almost to the day. Still shitty in the morning, better by noon or so, with me wondering if I opened a can of those proverbial worms and need to get off this rollercoaster before I get flung off. Sorry for the mixed metaphors or whatever they are, it's the meds I tell ya, the meds.

Anyway that's it so far in my sorry tale.

Thanx for the site, it really does help.


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