Can anyone identify my problem(s)

[Guest John Lennon]

I wrote this blog to describe how I was feeling cause I hardly ever know anymore and I finally found a time when my brain would shut the fuck up for a few minutes so i could get some of it down. I`ve never been to a theropist, because they are expensive. So I was wndering if anyone could give their thoughts on what my issues may be. Maybe put a name on this shit so I don't feel like a fuckin flake anymore. Thanks!

When I think back I hit a speed bump of a time. A bump I assume to be made of decisions that could have changed the outcome of my current stall out of mental ability. Whatever we are, call it a soul a spirit, whatever we are. Inside the bodies, the thoughts, the secrets, behind the personas and reputations. The part that feels and makes decisions through the equations of emotions being added and summed up. Mine doesn't work anymore! I don't consider others thoughts or feelings when making decisions. I don't care. It's a warped, highly paranoid, off track state of being. A constant urge for insanity, and chaos, blend with a need to be normal. To live the "life set accordingly" I've lost the ability to blend in and share opinions, and conversations of day to day bullshit. I no longer find it relevant to do so. I am abscent of the ability to form an opinion if I even planned on sharing it. Which is bannishing me out of my old social circles. I have an extremly short fuse but especially with those closest to me. I abruptly handle ANY show of resistance or force with a larger more dramatic show of my own. I used to be a fun loving guy, intelligent but ignorant to excessive thoughts like these. Constantly breaking down and questioning my personality, psychology, and existence simotaniously, while comparing it to my minds assesment of what normal is. Why do I feel a need to be normal, if I'm abnormal at all.

JOHN

[I'm Melting]

..... The part that feels and makes decisions through the equations of emotions being added and summed up. Mine doesn't work anymore! ..........A constant urge for insanity, and chaos, blend with a need to be normal. .........I've lost the ability to blend in and share opinions, and conversations of day to day bullshit. I no longer find it relevant to do so. I am abscent of the ability to form an opinion if I even planned on sharing it. Which is bannishing me out of my old social circles. ........

JOHN

Hi John,

I also have been having trouble w opinions, it does throw you from social circles too. Its very hard to make"normal" conversation when you dont have any to make anymore! Hard to listen to it some days too. I feel like jumping down peoples throats and asking why they bother to fake it!

even though ..... i realize they arent faking it, :S sounds weird but ... thats how it feels. zDont know what youd "call" it. Do know its painful. Hope something helps you with the ruminating over it.

[John Lennon]

Yeah it`s like most conversations are so dry and ordinary and cliche.

ex: How are you I'm fine, and you I'm fine too.

When neither one actually cares about the others being and wellness so why ask in the first place.

I wish someone would just ome up and say I'm captain kangeroo whats your favorite flavor of bowling ball. It would be odd but it would start a conversation without all the boring shit.

[AirMarshall]

Depression, bad manners, poor attitude, anti-social, anxiety, narcissism, bipolar disorder, boderline personality disorder, mid-life crisis, reading too much Nietze. Could be anything from that vague description.

The key to improved mental health is the desire to get better.

If you want to improve your life then you need to see either a Psychiatrist (M.D) or a degreed psychologist (MS or PhD) for evaluation.

How much did you spend on entertainment and eating out last month? Brown bag lunch, quit buying liquor, cook at home and cancel your cable TV. Contact your Community Mental Health Center for lower cost access you may be eligible for. You can afford some level of professional treatment!

What is it worth to live a happier life?

a.m. Here's to better times ahead!

[John Lennon]

Thanks airmarshall ! Your advise and perspective is greatly appreciated!

[alex]

How much did you spend on entertainment and eating out last month? Brown bag lunch, quit buying liquor, cook at home and cancel your cable TV. Contact your Community Mental Health Center for lower cost access you may be eligible for. You can afford some level of professional treatment!

I dunno 'bout all THAT. I just signed up with LA CO Mental Health for about $50 per YEAR! The low cost and sliding scale can really slide into your direction.

Ya, don't go for a high-priced therapist. Look for low-cost & sliding scale, and especially look into any mental heatlh services in your area, not regular hospital stuff. The mental health are geared exactly towards your kinda ailments.

Hard to tell from just a few paragraphs exactly what might be the matter, but apparently you know something is up. That is quite enough reason to go see a head shrinker Shrink that big ass problem head.