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I imagine other people have this issue too - having an all or nothing mindset.

For me, its not only there and already being an issue - but im constantly worried about it becoming a bigger problem because i'm aware of it.

for my study - i don't want to start the assignment because as soon as i start i just keep on going right till the end - and i cant handle the idea of doing too much work.

if i clean - i clean absolutely everything until its spotless. or i don't clean at all.

even with talking - i either sit there in silence or i talk everyone's head off.

titrating up with lamictal was a killer. couldn't rush that at all.

i have been working on this issue - mainly with studying - so i am learning to do a bit at a time.

however....

i know that i should be doing a bit more exercise. i want to. But - i'm afraid that if i start i'll take it too far and do too much, make myself sick. So i want to exercise but im worried that i want it too much, or... i dont know if that makes sense. i don't have eating problems but i don't have fantastic body image either so i don't want to create a problem. i dont just want to do a bit of exercise - i want to be really good at exercising - all the time!

it sounds easy enough just to keep track of what i'm doing and then moderate things. but it doesnt work like that! i just watch myself ruining things.

its like.. when you put your (computer) mouse on really high speed, or very sensitive, so if you move your mouse the cursor goes flying all over the screen and if you're not used to it - its really hard to get it to stay on one point, or move at a ...moderate pace.

does anyone have any ideas how how to deal with this? I think its made worse or.. influenced by being a perfectionist. If i start doing something i want it to be perfect, i want it done now, as soon as possible. or yesterday.

in addition to all this, with the exercise - i want to go running but im scared of being attacked by someone when im running (even though i live in a pretty safe place). not sure how to get over that either.

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I am like this to a T, my friend. When I used to rollerblade, I would put my children in the carriage, grab my dog and go. Every day. Without fail. I HAD to. If I start a project I HAVE to finish it, even if it means that other things don't get done. Studying right now for school is horrendous. My husband is having a shit fit because for two weeks the house has gone to hell because I can do nothing but study for the midterm that I flunked today. I have a focus....and it becomes a paramount MUST! This doesn't have as much of a hold on me when I'm depressed, which I am right now, but when I'm hypomanic there's no stopping me. I totally understand your gig. It's a real bitch when it gets the best of ya. Ugh.

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yeh - well im feeling quite depressed at the moment too. this gets a lot worse when i hit the high side of life. because i stop thinking about it then and just go ahead and do it anyway.

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I am all or nothing when it comes to how I view people. Especially my mother in law, boss, friends. I realize it's not very healthy but I tend to see each person as all good or all bad. And that can change often, depending on how I feel when I'm with them. If a friend does or says something that I feel hurt by then I view that person as all bad. And vice versa, if someone does something special for me or expresses their affection then I see them as all good and they're my best friend. Can any of you relate to this? Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to overcome this? It creates an enormous amount of bitterness, resentment and expecations that aren't met. Thank you for your help.

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I am all or nothing when it comes to how I view people. Especially my mother in law, boss, friends. I realize it's not very healthy but I tend to see each person as all good or all bad. And that can change often, depending on how I feel when I'm with them. If a friend does or says something that I feel hurt by then I view that person as all bad. And vice versa, if someone does something special for me or expresses their affection then I see them as all good and they're my best friend. Can any of you relate to this? Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to overcome this? It creates an enormous amount of bitterness, resentment and expecations that aren't met. Thank you for your help.

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maybe it would help (for the people you think are all bad) to think about what their good qualities are. and if they used to be all good - what has changed and how you feel about that. So, if someone says something bad - maybe it was a mistake, maybe it was a bad day - but they are good to talk to when you feel bad, or they helped you with something, they care about people. I think its possible to find positives in most things.

And - what about also thinking about what you value in a friend. what does 'friend' really mean. You can have people you really like and they are nice to be around but, i believe friends are there for you when things are really bad - and if someone does something nice - thats really great, but do you trust them?

I think its quite hard, especially to change the way you think. Sometimes i do this - i am better at being critical and finding something wrong with everything. I am working on changing this - by finding ways to improve myself rather than 'fix' or change other people. So, when i feel frustrated with my friends being difficult and not being a 'good' friend, i start thinking about how 'I' can be a better friend, things that I do, and when I have a really awful day, i still want people to be my friend - so then i guess other people would want that too, if i do something bad and i feel bad about that - i'd hope that someone else would forgive me, or let it go after a while. And when i do something really nice for someone - i'd feel great if they would really appreciate that.

I tend to have really high expectations too - of myself and others. it is frustrating for me and everyone else. do you have anyone to talk to about this (therapist?)

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Guest TrueBlue

I am all or nothing when it comes to how I view people. ...I feel hurt by then I view that person as all bad. And vice versa, if someone does something special for me or expresses their affection then I see them as all good...

Black & White thinking is one of the characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder. Also with BPD is fear of abandonment. There is a BPD forum here, I'm sure.

TB

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I imagine other people have this issue too - having an all or nothing mindset.

For me, its not only there and already being an issue - but im constantly worried about it becoming a bigger problem because i'm aware of it.

for my study - i don't want to start the assignment because as soon as i start i just keep on going right till the end - and i cant handle the idea of doing too much work.

if i clean - i clean absolutely everything until its spotless. or i don't clean at all.

even with talking - i either sit there in silence or i talk everyone's head off.

titrating up with lamictal was a killer. couldn't rush that at all.

i have been working on this issue - mainly with studying - so i am learning to do a bit at a time.

however....

i know that i should be doing a bit more exercise. i want to. But - i'm afraid that if i start i'll take it too far and do too much, make myself sick. So i want to exercise but im worried that i want it too much, or... i dont know if that makes sense. i don't have eating problems but i don't have fantastic body image either so i don't want to create a problem. i dont just want to do a bit of exercise - i want to be really good at exercising - all the time!

it sounds easy enough just to keep track of what i'm doing and then moderate things. but it doesnt work like that! i just watch myself ruining things.

its like.. when you put your (computer) mouse on really high speed, or very sensitive, so if you move your mouse the cursor goes flying all over the screen and if you're not used to it - its really hard to get it to stay on one point, or move at a ...moderate pace.

does anyone have any ideas how how to deal with this? I think its made worse or.. influenced by being a perfectionist. If i start doing something i want it to be perfect, i want it done now, as soon as possible. or yesterday.

in addition to all this, with the exercise - i want to go running but im scared of being attacked by someone when im running (even though i live in a pretty safe place). not sure how to get over that either.

Guilty here! There seems to be NO GREY area. It is a part of our perfectionist personality. Were overachievers and have a tendency to compare ourselves to everyone, at least i do.

This works to slow my mind down, sing the song: Slow down, you move to fast,,you gotta make the moment last....feeling groovey.

Corny?,lol

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I imagine other people have this issue too - having an all or nothing mindset.

For me, its not only there and already being an issue - but im constantly worried about it becoming a bigger problem because i'm aware of it.

for my study - i don't want to start the assignment because as soon as i start i just keep on going right till the end - and i cant handle the idea of doing too much work.

if i clean - i clean absolutely everything until its spotless. or i don't clean at all.

even with talking - i either sit there in silence or i talk everyone's head off.

titrating up with lamictal was a killer. couldn't rush that at all.

i have been working on this issue - mainly with studying - so i am learning to do a bit at a time.

however....

i know that i should be doing a bit more exercise. i want to. But - i'm afraid that if i start i'll take it too far and do too much, make myself sick. So i want to exercise but im worried that i want it too much, or... i dont know if that makes sense. i don't have eating problems but i don't have fantastic body image either so i don't want to create a problem. i dont just want to do a bit of exercise - i want to be really good at exercising - all the time!

it sounds easy enough just to keep track of what i'm doing and then moderate things. but it doesnt work like that! i just watch myself ruining things.

its like.. when you put your (computer) mouse on really high speed, or very sensitive, so if you move your mouse the cursor goes flying all over the screen and if you're not used to it - its really hard to get it to stay on one point, or move at a ...moderate pace.

does anyone have any ideas how how to deal with this? I think its made worse or.. influenced by being a perfectionist. If i start doing something i want it to be perfect, i want it done now, as soon as possible. or yesterday.

in addition to all this, with the exercise - i want to go running but im scared of being attacked by someone when im running (even though i live in a pretty safe place). not sure how to get over that either.

Guilty here! There seems to be NO GREY area. It is a part of our perfectionist personality. Were overachievers and have a tendency to compare ourselves to everyone, at least i do.

This works to slow my mind down, sing the song: Slow down, you move to fast,,you gotta make the moment last....feeling groovey.

Corny?,lol

i havent tried singing to myself yet! something worth trying ;)

i am working hard on not being a perfectionist but its hard when i still want to do really well...

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I imagine other people have this issue too - having an all or nothing mindset.

For me, its not only there and already being an issue - but im constantly worried about it becoming a bigger problem because i'm aware of it.

for my study - i don't want to start the assignment because as soon as i start i just keep on going right till the end - and i cant handle the idea of doing too much work.

if i clean - i clean absolutely everything until its spotless. or i don't clean at all.

even with talking - i either sit there in silence or i talk everyone's head off.

titrating up with lamictal was a killer. couldn't rush that at all.

i have been working on this issue - mainly with studying - so i am learning to do a bit at a time.

however....

i know that i should be doing a bit more exercise. i want to. But - i'm afraid that if i start i'll take it too far and do too much, make myself sick. So i want to exercise but im worried that i want it too much, or... i dont know if that makes sense. i don't have eating problems but i don't have fantastic body image either so i don't want to create a problem. i dont just want to do a bit of exercise - i want to be really good at exercising - all the time!

it sounds easy enough just to keep track of what i'm doing and then moderate things. but it doesnt work like that! i just watch myself ruining things.

its like.. when you put your (computer) mouse on really high speed, or very sensitive, so if you move your mouse the cursor goes flying all over the screen and if you're not used to it - its really hard to get it to stay on one point, or move at a ...moderate pace.

does anyone have any ideas how how to deal with this? I think its made worse or.. influenced by being a perfectionist. If i start doing something i want it to be perfect, i want it done now, as soon as possible. or yesterday.

in addition to all this, with the exercise - i want to go running but im scared of being attacked by someone when im running (even though i live in a pretty safe place). not sure how to get over that either.

Guilty here! There seems to be NO GREY area. It is a part of our perfectionist personality. Were overachievers and have a tendency to compare ourselves to everyone, at least i do.

This works to slow my mind down, sing the song: Slow down, you move to fast,,you gotta make the moment last....feeling groovey.

Corny?,lol

i havent tried singing to myself yet! something worth trying ;)

i am working hard on not being a perfectionist but its hard when i still want to do really well...

the perfection ia juat our personalities..we cant change that--but we can reduce the anxiety by slowibg down and say to ourselves.."whats the GREY area here" and "is it really healthy for me to push so hard" i know easier said than done

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ive realised that while i am getting better at thinking in the 'grey' area, i am becoming more fearful of my changing moods. so - when i worry about doing things too much, i am in fact more worried that i will become hypo/manic at some point and that will be the cause of doing too much.

i like doing things perfectly, that i can work on. but i can't control my moods perfectly, which is why i panic and worry that i won't be able to keep doing things in moderation. and when i am depressed, it is difficult to do anything, so thats the nothing part.

this makes more sense today.

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ive realised that while i am getting better at thinking in the 'grey' area, i am becoming more fearful of my changing moods. so - when i worry about doing things too much, i am in fact more worried that i will become hypo/manic at some point and that will be the cause of doing too much.

i like doing things perfectly, that i can work on. but i can't control my moods perfectly, which is why i panic and worry that i won't be able to keep doing things in moderation. and when i am depressed, it is difficult to do anything, so thats the nothing part.

this makes more sense today.

try and not CONTROL your MOODS, they will come and GO..think yea i may be down but i know i always get better

you used the key word perfectionist like myself use CONTROL...try and let go a bit each day

Hugs

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