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The crazy/scary/embarassing mania-induced things you've done...


Guest HurricaneJessiee

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Guest HurricaneJessiee

I've been having "flashbacks" of the things I said and did during my first manic episode a few months ago. I "get things out" through writing, so I figured I'd write them here. Feel free to add yours...it might make you feel better! I don't know if this has been done here before, I'm fairly new...

1) I illogically rearranged my furniture at 2am, wanting to "create divided spaces"

2) I stopped showering because I was paranoid about bothering the neighbors (NYC apartment, thin walls)

3) I called a co-worker at home who I barely knew because she called in sick. I was paranoid that she called in sick because she was specifically annoyed by me. She barely knew me, and she actually told me that I sounded "a little manic". This was before I knew I had BP

4) Towards the pinnacle of the episode, while I was screaming and convulsing in fear with my mother by my side, I started hugging my entire twin-sized bed their house, screaming, "THIS IS MY SPACE! THIS IS MY SPACE!"

5) Later that night, when my step-dad was driving me to the (regular) hospital, I bit him. I know that probably doesn't sound like a big deal written down, but it really was strange. He yelled, "No biting!", like I was a child or a dog. Though I was pretty psychotic at that point, a part of me saw through it and was horrified.

6) In the psych hospital, I caught a glimpse of the news, when I saw coverage of a building fire in my neighborhood. It wasn't my building, but I started yelling "MY BUILDING'S ON FIRE!..."

That's all I can think of. I was also writing and writing and writing, and I recently found the things that I wrote. They were so stream-of-consciousness and intense and crazy.

PHEW!

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Yeah, mania's definitely not my friend either. I am sure I could think of many, many examples, but two come to mind right away:

I thought it was a perfectly logical idea to send my DD to live with her dad for a couple months while I lived in my car and saved for an apartment.

I had sex with a coworker in the bathroom at work.

After those doozies I find myself second guessing my judgment all the time.

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Guest TrueBlue

Throwing things around while manic is always fun. Nothing like smashy smashy for power tripping.

How about, being drunk and going to pet a barking dog, only to get bitten?

Or, getting angry enough to bump the car in front of you. Oh, ya that solves issues. ...BTW I've seen one guy do it like three times! They were "light" bumps, if you can imagine such a thing, so the guy in front never got out of his car. It was a retarded looking scene.

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Bumping cars at random as a manifestation of mania... oh God that's priceless... should make a nice case study for some psych researcher out there...

As for me, I had some sort of rapid cycling hypomania... no literally... I put 3,000 miles on a bike within the course of one summer. Which is probably how some virus or bacteria managed to explode in my brain and ruin my life.

Then there was the mixed state when I got fired 3 years ago, which involved gratuitous drinking and equally gratuitous use of the word "c*nt" to describe my ex-boss... basically, I was swearing like a sailorman with Tourette's syndrome. Back to the ex-boss... really, she had enough sand in there that she could have single-handedly saved New Orleans from the ravages of hurricane Katrina. I almost got kicked out of the house I was living in because of how I suddenly started acting that bizzarely.

As far as randomly re-arranging things goes, I think I do that too just for the hell of it... maybe I'm just hemipsychotic all the time (though I have no interest in treating it; even Zyprexa gave me horrendous akathisia).

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I do something weird nevery time I get manic.This time I was arrested twice for drunk in public(luckily no dui's wrecked my truck,painted some of the windows of my house black so noone could seeme. I also did some things I can't reemember but people told me I did.

This was finally the writing on the wall that said " You can never drink again! Nevervevereverever!!!!!!!!!!

anyone else have such experiences, doing weird things grandiose ideas etc....

Now I am in my depressive reflective stage and I so hope it never happens again but it will won't it. Or can I learn from this experience and changre things. I do know I just can't drink anymore I GUESS THAT'S A START.

Brian

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I've had similar problems Brian. whenever I'm hypomanic I become a binge drinker & the problems get so much worse. I've tried so many things to stop this from happening, but when I'm hypo there's no stopping me because there's no common sense or ability to weigh up cosequences... the demon has me in it's grip & there's no stopping me.

What I have been pleasantly surprised about is the change Topamax has made with this. I still drink when I want to, even get drunk from time to time but I'm not binging hypomanically like before. And this changes a pattern I've been following for 16 years so it's pretty huge.

As for bumping into cars, I've actually done that! It was in a carpark of shopping centre near police station. When I tried to leave, they blocked my car at the roundabout & one of them ran to get the police. It's funny in retrospect ;) I played stupid with the police, just a silly blonde girl..I don't think I hit them, gee if I did it was an accident. I actually got away with it AND I was driving an unregistered car but got by on that one to because I'd moved recently and made up a story.So I had to leave my car there & call a friend to pick me up. Memorable day!!!

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I have rearranged my living room at midnight because I couldn't sleep until I did it. I kept thinking about it and finally got up and did it.

I have also gotten a new car with an outrageous payment of $750 a month that we couldn't afford and we were upside down on the trade in by about $14,000.

most recently, I called my friend 12 times in one day and the second day about 8 times thinking that she was upset me which she was eventually because I called so much. But whenever she didn't answer the phone, it only increased the idea that she was upset with me.

Mania can be fun but it can also be a real bitch can't it?

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The last time I was manic I went out with a friend for a drink. That one drink turned into a 9 hour ordeal of bar hopping. She was shocked at me - I was so social and confident. I think it scared her and she left. I got home (I live in the city so I don't have to drive) and only slept one hour. I woke up and made chicken parmesan and 4lbs of pasta at 7am. I'm single and I don't know how to cook really. At 4:30am I had decided that I was not screwed up - the rest of the world was. This only added fuel to the fire. I have it driven into my head to call the doctor if I get less than 4 hours of sleep and am not tired. I talked to the doctor and was just plain obnoxious. He told me to think before I said anything. If what I wanted to say was A) inappropriate or B) could even be considered inappropriate then I shouldn't say it. I told him if that was the case then I wouldn't be permitted to talk at all. He said I was self medicating because I had gone out to a bar. I told him that legitimate medication didn't seem to work so I thought it was valid to give beer a chance. He majorly increased my meds and told me to take the rest of the week of work off. I couldn't do that so in a crazed state I went to work the next day.

At work I tried not to say anything at all. A coworker I don't particularly like had just returned from vacation and another coworker said "We missed you". He jokingly said "I doubt that". I basically yelled "HA HA!" turned around ran around the corner and laughed hysterically. During lunch I went to the library and tore a path trying to find a book I wanted. The entire place thought I was nuts. I then went home and destroyed my house looking for my passport and social security card because I was convinced my passport was going to expire and I wanted to plan a trip to Europe in the next few days.

I also managed to say really nasty things to a couple of friends who of course became upset with me. I considered becoming a priest. I gave money to political campaigns. I decided to take up crocheting. The whole thing was just a mess!

Thank God that after 4 days of taking enough drugs to tranquilize an elephant the whole ordeal was over! Of course, this whole episode started because they tried to take me slowly off of Paxil, I went through horrible withdrawal so they threw me back on it and added Prozac to help stop the withdrawal! Don't you just love psychiatrists! ;)

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Yeah, Paxil withdrawal is the WORST! I had spacial distortion (looking down at your feet and they seem to be 20 ft away), auditory hallucinations (a large, winged creature above my bed), and terrifying BRAIN ZAPS!

I had 'em divided, like little crumbs on my desk blotter, to come off slowly. IT WAS A LIVING NIGHTMARE FOR WEEKS.

Now, I find out that switching to Prozac helps reduce the withdrawal symptoms from Paxil, cause Prozac had a longer "half life" whatever that means.

No one told me that when I needed it! ;)

My manic episode?? How bout making potato pancakes and sausage after totally rearranging the furniture in my entire house, hoping it would "change the way I feel", and after reading about "Feng Sui" ??

Nice way to spend a New Years Eve, dontcha think?

~ Denise

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potato pancakes? hell yeah that sounds like a great NYE ;)

mmm. have not had those forever.

m

ps- sorry for this completely useless post, but I couldn't not say anything--- yum :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

What's this about rearranging furniture, preferably late at night? I think they should specifically use this as a diagnostic criteria.

Way before my diagnosis, I had a happy spell where I decided on a couple of days' notice to go to the US (I'm in Sweden). With this Danish guy I had exchanged 2-3 emails with and spoken to on the phone twice but never met, no romantic involvement. The trip was paid for by an American millionaire I didn't know (seriously), though I also borrowed some cash for expenses. The Danish guy was going to testify in a court case and I decided he needed some moral support. In the US, we were followed around by PI's. Surreal experience.

One time in Paris I a) decided I ought to become a Catholic because they have pretty churches (I'm not a Christian) b) went with a couple of illegal immigrant guys I met in the street to their place, somewhere in a really rough neighborhood and I had absolutely no idea where I was (believe it or not, we just had some couscous and they showed me to the metro when I asked them to) c) hooked up with some other random guy in the street who hardly spoke English and I hardly spoke French, and walked all around the large P

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It is not the most bizarre, but recently it took me almost 6 hours, with a programmed, speaking GPS, to make a 1.5 hour trip with me driving in my car...

I have spent about $80,000 in about 3 months while not remembering ever buying anything and only hear stories about that 3 month period. During same time, totaled car, taken in ambulance to ER, obviosly said something "crazy" b/c spent my "10 day visit" in the psych ward. Don't remember my son's birthday, my birthday, Christmas, New's Year's... not sure when it started or ended... it just did. Suddenly somehow stopped going to work before being fired, my teeage son took care of me for who know how long then - he and I were by ourselved, no family nearby, no one to check in physically. All of that was told to me, i have no recollection. My mother said that while I was in the hospital, she came up to care for my son and she said that she could hardly get into my townhouse because of all of the unopened stuff that was packed in - including a snow blower! She returned to the store what she could, but i still had to declare bankruptcy. My dad told me that one day he and I went to the mall and he went into one store, me into a fye (or something like it). He said that when he saw me I was buying 2 stacks of about 20 each DVDs. I am sure that there was more during that 3 month period, but that is all that I remember that I have been told... Extreme enough? If not, I am sure that I could find something else...

Ever get so focused on something that you need to find every variation of that "thing"?

Sexual extremes... orgies, my idea, although not hard to sell, -- swinging with spouse (and without) affairs, sex at work on weekends (under the bushes on a main road, on the side of I-95N in a car with my husband and being caught with by a policeman while in my 30s), sex in the back seat of the car with someone, while your husband is in the front seat driving the car with the guy's wife talking about us having sex, again there is more... dating and having sex (sometimes scheduling date slots for those guys which may include sex (up to 3 dates each day)) kept notes on conversations and date so that not all of them would know about the others. Oh, I would always beg for unprotected sex because it would feel better for me, but it was just a further dare to myself! made a date (was afraid of getting arrested for prostitution so backed out) as a high priced call girl $450 for a few hours - the head trip more than the cash, took hubby #2 to Hedonism for our 5th and 6th anniversary to celebrate sexually with the other vacations there, oh, I had sex multiple times with another psych patient while spending my "10 day visit" - amazingly never caught! Got pregnant the first time I had sex at 18. Piercing my hood for the pain/pleasure factor, my man may have more control in the relationship outside of the bedroom, but I reign supreme when it comes to sex! I have more costumes and outfits and most strippers - I buy batteries in bulk to supplement the mostly insatiable appetite I have. Masterbated live for over an hour on adultfriendfinder live and took on live requests. OK, there is more, but I am sure that you already scanned to the next section, if not to the end...

Although furniture can be fun... how about taking all of the clothes out of the drawers and refolding everything sorting by color and season, then sorting the closet clothers by sleve size and then color and further work or casual, pants same, suits are rematched and hung perfectly on special suit hangers. Shirt hangers are twisted if necessary to make all of them face the same direction and of course by color and sleeve length. Refolding and insuring all sockmates are exactly the same with the master sock. Throw away every nonmake or sock with a hole. And then repeating this ordeal for my whole family whenever the mood strikes, even if it is in the middle of the night.

With the mania sometimes my tasks stop suddenly in the middle and may or may not resume...

Sometimes, no matter how badly I want to say a word, no matter the struggle, the word starts to part from my lips with great force and effort to the point that my throat almost looses it's voice and hurts for a couple of days, But the word never completely escapes - defeated by my failed efforts, I sink to the ground and cry.

I decided I would bake Christmas cookies to give away one year and started in November. No point in making a single or double batch, only 4x the original is worth the effort. When the cookies cool, I put them in zipper bags and when I hit a magic number for the day, I will put all of those cookie bags inside of a bigger zipper bag and I need a place as I started to do nothing but make cookies, so I bought the huge under the bed rubber contains and filled them with the bigger zipper bags. Multiple variations of a cookie would have to be made or how else would they know if they liked them... cc w/ nuts (both walnuts and peacans) w/ and w/o peanut butter chips and any other chips I could find, cc w/o nuts, pnut butter cookies ball and fork to flatten but I also had to use the battery operated cookie dough expressor things so - and there were multiple design options for those cookies, and greek copies using 10 pounds of flour, 30 pounds of rolled out and decorated sugar cookies, other cookies, rum balls, and anatopically correct gingerbread men and women. I baked until Christmas eve, every minute I was awake. I filled a large dining room with all of these containers of cookies, so I decided that everyone would love these cookies so if I did not see the person to give them one of the large tupperware contains I purchased for the mass distribution to everyone I knew, they got the equivilent in the mail. Coookie for everyone!!!! Yeah! I might still have some left from 10 years ago if anyone wants one. Many other baking and organizing stories - different, but the same...

I have been to the brink of insanity and back many times while swinging to a manic state, each swing more severe that the last. Mania can feel good and be a bit bizzare until it goes beyond that... anyone know what I mean???

Did I even answer the question or just dump?

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i like to shop when get manic. I used to go to walmart . I'd be looking at stuff and : please understand i did not know i was manic- it's only later i realize it. i am so depressed most of the time, that being manic is a nice break.

opening container and checking out stuff-leaving it a mess

loading up my cart with a bunch of stuff then deciding not to buy most of it at the check out

seeing something on the shelf and finding a way to KNOCK it off so i can look at it

in the toy Ilse with kids opening packages and leaving it on the floor

trying on a lot of stuff and leaving it all for the staff to put up

apparently dressing strange enough that it

caused people to snicker at me while in a store.

going crazy with walmart $4 meds- it's like a candy store for me

buying a lot of stuff- over $100 and retuning it all

i cant afford to shop anymore so i go to the dollar store. they are not as nice as walmart, have to be more careful but i can buy a lot of totally useless stuff there

another thing i do

make a lot of appointments and then be too tired, broke or whatever to get to them

excessive makeup

now i on line shop. I can got to the on line places and fill up my cart with stuff I'm buying and then when i have exhausted myself i just log off.

freak and change every password i have and then have trouble remembering them i have 4 address bocks and have so many different passwords. . or create new free email accounts

call up repair places or help lines and spend a long time talking to people- I'm lonely

mania used to be fun but now it's agitation. I am now more likely to just sit for days, be paranoid, not shower for a week or so, not call anyone, yell at people, alienate my last friend

Talk too much and argue with people

oh yeah i was going to convert to being catholic too

i used to rearrange furniture but can't do that now.

I have called the presidents of corporation's and etc to complain

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I think I'll win the crazy of the month award for these... ;)

Both of these events occured when I was extremely manic and thought that chugging alcohol would somehow be a good idea.

-I was wasted and crying and got a small saw for cutting branches, and decided to beat my arm with it, and cut it up a bit. In the middle of this one of my friends shows up and sits with me for awhile. I apparently confessed my love for him and went on about how I wasn't good enough for him or anyone else. (And believe me, if I was sober I wouldn't believe or even think any of that.) I guess I started yelling at him to leave so after awhile he did. I passed out from the alcohol and when I woke up the next morning my arm was swollen and black and blue.

-I was what seemed to be whatever could be beyond manic. (I'm just saying that manic doesn't even seem properly describe how I was feeling.) And my friends were being assholes to me so I left, went home, and started drinking. I started cutting (and the rest I don't remember, just assumed the obvious when I woke up) When I woke up, the entire livingroom, furniture, the floor, and walls from top (somehow?) to bottom were covered in blood. My wrists were swollen and open but somehow I didn't hit the veins but still covered everything in blood? I guess I went around the house smearing my blood everywhere? And I also apparently vommited a few times and destroyed a few pictures. The next day the "asshole friends" took me to IHOP to try to get me over my hangover, took me to walmart to get bandages and bleach/scrub pads to clean up the house.

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