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Feel almost delusional w/anxiety


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I don't know where else to put this. I've been great since the end of march and BAM! last night it all came crashing down. I had a lovely, sober evening with friends (playing monopoly, of all things ;) and I started to feel great. Really great. really-really-really euphoric--which alot of times precipitates panic attacks for me. I tried to sleep but my heart and thoughts were racing racing racing. I had gone hiking earlier that day and not showered because of a series of events scheduled one after the other and I felt weird--bad and dirty, but too exhausted to shower. I took some Dramamine to sleep and woke two hours later up after a horrible nightmare, where my professors were telling me I was crazy, not to bother with school. I woke up feeling like I was infested with something, itching and a racing heart. I showered. and showered. And showered. I still feel dirty. I feel like a bad daughter, a bad sister. My chest is constricted. I called a friend (pretty much like my brother) and that helped. I printed out my two papers and I am going to hand them in, then get my laundry together, then meet with my new landlord, then call him back and see how I am doing. I still am so itchy, which I know I get when I get anxious, but I keep thinking "you're infested with something, you're dirty and disgusting, this is what you deserve." I feel like I deserve to be beaten, jailed. I don't know what is causing this. The lexapro was working great. I just feel really nuts right now, like it's hard to breathe. I don't want anyone to see me but I have to go to class, I missed yesterday bc of a dr. appt (I was hospitalized briefly with an infectious disease a few weeks ago) and I can't miss again. I don't have a tdoc right now, but I feel like I need to talk to someone. I thought about going back to the hospital but I'm afraid of what they would think bc I was just there (granted it was for physical and not psychological reasons, but still) and I'm afraid they'd hospitalize me because my anxieties sound so nuts. I'm so tired. Sorry this is so long. Today is my 23rd birthday and I don't want to spend it instiutionalized. I don't know what I should do. I have no way to reach my old tdoc, I wish I did. I wish I could feel less nuts.

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Aw hon, Happy Birthday, even though it doesn't feel all that happy right now. I don't think I've ever experienced delusions with my anxiety, but I do have anxiety that comes on fierce all of a sudden, and it often makes me want to cut. I found a couple things sometimes help to quell the anxiety. First thing I'll do is a certain kind of breathing. I can't remember the name for it, but basically I count backwards from 100, with a number on each exhale. So - inhale, exhale(99), inhale, exhale(98), etc. The other thing I'll do, if I'm at work, is to run up a couple flights of stairs. Good luck, and I hope you find something that brings you relief.

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Not so long before now I did something I only have done in my childhood as a teenager over 18 where I would have my bipolar hypomania and I guess focus on breathing so much that I wouldn't be able to stop so when I did try to calm down my breathing would skip.I would become so excited and eager for a hospital to check my vital signs. This was an already resolved issue that I had forgotten how to resolve. I Would follow the same footsteps but my parents wouldn't take me seriously and they did that time. You just may be having trouble calming down.

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