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Guest Guest_seemoreglass_*

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Guest Guest_seemoreglass_*

first off I want to apologize for the myriad typing errors that Im sure will appear within this thread. I'm very tired.

All of a sudden the depression/anxiety came back and I've run out of the meds the school shrink gave me (lexapro). I've not been sleeping for the past few days and yesterday I spent my birthday sure that the police were going to come to my house and arrest me because I had to have done SOMETHING wrong, I just couldn't remember what it was. When my anxiety ets bad its almost liike I have delusions. It sucks.

I'm trying to get one of my friends to take me to the ER so I can get someone to give me some medication so I can rest/calm down. I don't have a doctor or a car. ALL of my friends are vehemently anti-meds, and keep saying "you don't need that, here have some fish oil, come ride bikes, do some homework, I bet if you went to class you'd feel better.."

I WANT to go to class, I made it to the door today but couldn't go in bc I couldn't bear the thought of everyone LOOKING at me as I came in late. I've taken a test and did some work so I can't completely fail, and I am making up an incomplete so technically I am not even REGistered for the course. Plus I missed some work b/c I had a blood infection and was in the hospital, so I had legitimate reasons. I think if I fail this course I'll probably kill myself. it would mean no graduation and no grad school, and my parents would never speak to me again.

I wish someone would jsut take me to the fucking hospital. They want to go drive out to see freaking BATMAN but they won't take a drive the same length to help me out. I know, I know it's my responsibility to help myself. I just have no money to pay for an ambulance or anything. I wish I had my old tdocs number so I could at least TALK to someone about this. I'm sorry I'm probably not making sense. thanks for listening.

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I would agree with what the others have said. Your best option for transportation is to call a cab. If you don't have the cash, do you have an emergency credit card? This qualifies as an emergency.

Is there some reason that you can't contact the psychiatrist who originally prescribed you the medication? I would contact them first, and describe your symptoms, that you've run out of medication and that you really need help. Even if you can't contact the specific doctor, contact the mental health center that you went to and describe to them the situation. You really need to be seen and since your friends aren't any help, you need to use the other resources around you. Namely, the school.

Did the school specifically say that you could only be treated once?

is there a reason you can't call your parents and ask them for help? Is this something you don't share with them?

Come back and let us know what is going on. I hope you can figure out a way to get some help. If you are still having trouble, a few of us can brainstorm together and find a solution.

Luna.

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I agree that you should get a cab to the hospital if you can't see the doctor at school again. (You could perhaps also try to expand your circle of friends to include people who are less ignorant about mental issues.) And try to make sure not to run out of meds in the future. That should make you feel better and stabler. (Also, for me, several meds didn't work the second time I tried them after a long break.)

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You can talk to someone about this. The board has them posted all over. Here: 1-800-273-Talk. DON'T WORRY if it's a suicide help line, they can connect you to the correct service, or just talk you down if panicy. It's a free call, and it's what you need.

A cab? Call 911. They'll bring over what they call a cab (cab=ambulance in police lingo, cause cops wouldn't anyone a regular cab).

Hope you are okay. Check back and tell us what happened.

That entirely sucks about your 'friends.' Sounds like the fair-weather type to me. Some people just don't understand, or don't get it about anxiety and stuff. It's called ignorance. Or pig headedness. There are tons of phrases for it, actually.

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Echoing what the others said.

I'd like to know if you got help... please post back.

The non-clinically depressed do have a hard time understanding us.

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Guest Guest_seemoreglass_*

Thanks for replies.

I was treated through university counseling services and they are not available in the summer. I was given sample packs of the medication because I wouldn't be able to pay for prescriptions. My parents don't 'believe' in mental illness, so there's no help there.

I have ten dollars to myu name right now, so no cab would take me. I think I might call that number that was posted. I have spent most of today trying to find the number of an old tdoc that worked for the school whom I saw a few times, but no luck. I can't stop thinking of this class, I keep thinking (may trigger some) that I might just have to kill myself because I am going to end up failing. I cant get that thought out of my head, that and the idea that I am infested with bugs because I am an awful, dirty disgusting person. I don't want to be like this forever. Everyone thought I was doing better so now I cant tell anyone what's wrong. Even my best friend said "what if you just did normal stuff like everyone else, you'd feel better" whats weird is she takes zoloft and has anxiety like me so youd think she'd be sympathetic but ppl dont always understand. I feel like screaming and crying but im afraid my roomate will hear and get mad. I jsut wish I could sleep.

I was doing so well and now my life is fucked. I feel like I'm gonna die. Im sorry for being so negative. I wish I co uld just be normal. I wish I had insurance or money or something but without that theres no help.

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Go to a free clinic, if there's one in your area.

OR

Call your county's community mental health agency. They can hook you up with treatment.

Check out this link (which doesn't work well with Firefox):

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/

OR

That number that was posted will route to an agency in your area who can help you find help.

Get well!

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I still think you are suicidal enough to justify going to an emergency room. If you go to a county hospital they will get you out the door as quick as they can b/c you're indigent (in effect).

Yes, you were doing better, when you took the meds!

As rotten as it is, I don't think there is anyone around you right now who is going to be truly helpful to you.

I think you are going to have to fight for help by yourself. What's more, I believe you can get it, it'll just be a titanic pain in the ass.

Best wishes,

Wendy.

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Guest Guest_seemoreglass_*

I am. I ended up taking a shitload of dramamine and some Doxepine a friend gave me, and slept for a good while. I am going to call today to schedule an appt. w. a new pdoc. In the meantime, I am trying to just push through.

thanks everybody for concern

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I'm with lunna--

hope you've found some sort of relief (however small, every bit helps) and that you are safe.

please keep posting if it helps you, your IRL support system isn't the best right now but we'll do what we can.

we'll be happy to give you that extra kickithepants to get help if you need us in that regard ; )

stay safe, feeling like this is *temporary* and you've just got to keep on keepin' on until then, you know?

hope you've found some help,

meg

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Thanks for the support, Lunna and Meg (and everyone else)

So the doc I THOUGHT I found won't do ANY med precscriptions, he referred me to the hospital psychiatry dept and THEY aren't taking anyone new, and THEY referred me to a mental health clinic, which, by the time everyone got done referring me and I found someone willing to drive me halfway there (take the bus the rest of the way) had closed. I missed class yesterday because of all the doctor-calling, (that and trying to decide if it was worth missing All Points West to commit myself lol) it's funny but at this point going to that festival in two days is the only thing keeping me from killing myself. I can't believe I'm back to this again after how AMAZINGLY WELL I was doing. My roomate's old drum instructor came to visit yesterday and they had a get-together, my friend asked me why I wasn't going (I am NOT drinking on top of this version of crazy, and I can't be with them and NOT drink, they hassle me) and she said "I don't know if I believe in chemical imbalances..." I fucking hate that the people whom I love don't believe that there is anything wrong with me. I feel like a loser and I isolate so that I don't have to explain what's going on. I miss my old tdoc terribly, I know there is really nothing *he* could do, this is STRICTLY a meds issue (as in, once I am on my lexapro I am FINE--I mean really. No suicidal ideation, I sleep, I eat, I have a better sense of direction--in short, I'm *normal*) but I know he'd understand. People think that because I like to get high I take the lex to get high (sample from aformentioned friend--"well, maybe you think you need these meds because you're addicted to them like you are with weed") Um, first of all, ALL her friends smoke weed, they are fucking hippies, and I am demonized b/c of it. None of these people really matter, of course, what matters is school and getting my degree finished so I can start grad school, but that's hard when I'm so tired I can't think straight. Thanks for listening/offering support. I feel so pathetic that I am 23 and not over this yet--I really thought I *was* over it.

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I'm sorry that you're wild-doc-chase ended in disappointment, but seriously, major congrats for getting out and getting all of that footwork done for yourself. really. with all that crap done, you are a lot closer to getting a pdoc that might be able to help, and just getting out and doing the goose-chase is the hardest part imo.

do you have the number of the last place you were referred to? certainly give them a call and try to get answers over the phone as best you can (taking new patients? prescribe a/ds? insurance? when is the closest appointment? can you get on a cancellation list? would you be able to see the same doc consistently? if they aren't accepting patients, can you please have a FEW names and numbers for other places in the area that you might try? etc.) even write down a list of things you want to cover so you don't forget everything. I always start out with the receptionist/nurse by telling them that I have a few questions and do they have a few minutes to help me, or is there a better time in the day for a short conversation (gives them an out if they have a line, and two calls on hold-- that way you actually get *answers* rather than someone who is short and rushed).

anyway, as much as it sucks that you haven't found your answer yet, please don't let that stop you from moving forward. set a time for yourself when you can be alone and just make all of your phone calls at once. if you run into any dead ends (and I doubt you will.) then there is always the phone book, as crappy as it is to have to sit and coldcall a bunch of grumpy receptionists-- it'll be worth it, really.

I'm sorry that you feel like you have to isolate yourself and that your friends are so unsupportive, BUT I do think that it sounds like you are making really smart choices for yourself (ie: skipping the get together where drinking would happen because you know yourself and know that it wouldn't help. sucks, but suchsuchsuch a smart move.)

goodluck, keep us posted and please remain safe.

m

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Thanks for the reassuring words.

I REALLY want this meds issue to be nipped in the bud. This is the second day without sleep for me because of this fucking anxiety/depression...I convinced myself that the only way I could pass this test was if I studied all night, and everytime I tried to go to sleep I kept thinking "everyone else knows their shit, YOU can't fail, you can't fuck up again, you need to graduate and move on with your life" and then I'd read more. I hate to whine like a greedy child but I am so exhausted, the test is in an hour and the worst part is I have shit to do ALL day--call about medical assistance, meet with my new landlord, buy a bus ticket, go to NYC for this festival I promised my friend I'd go with him.....and I just want to sleep. For me, I can ALWAYS tell when things are goin south crazy-wise because I just. don't sleep. Fuck, i want me some lexapro...or failing that, some ativan....

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