What to tell my psychiatrist?

[jaytee]

Ok... I've been on Mirtazapine for more than 6 months now, 60mg/day.

Also Seroquel, 200mg/day, the only drug I think has had an effect.

I randomly have seizures, I've seen a neuro, I have strange delta waves whatever the hell that means.

After dealing with our social security system, it's left me feeling suicidal, not just that, but I've been feeling it for a while, a feeling of hopelessness.

I barely manage to shower once a week, let alone do my washing or dishes.

Our social security system here requires me to spend at least 20 hours a week actively looking for work.

But when I can't manage to shower, or wash clothes, clean dishes, my place smells and it's a mess. I don't know what to tell my psychiatrist?

Every time I see her, I feel ashamed to say how things are, it's like when i tell her I'm ok and she acknowledges it then it's the only positive thing I have in my life right now.

I've been on Lexapro in the past, and Effexor (which saw me locked up in the psych ward for two weeks). I really want the Avanza to start doing something, I feel if I just abandon it after six months I'm back at square one.

What can I try from here? Social security in Australia is about to cut off my payments because I've been sick for so long. I don't have the energy to battle this any longer.

[Ophelia]

so the title of your post and the main question among all the information is "what to tell [your] psychiatrist."

tell your pdoc the truth about how you are doing. if you are not doing ok, do not say that you are doing ok. what are you gaining by doing that? there is no reason to be ashamed. this person is your doctor and is there to aid in helping you get healthy. she is not there for you to try and impress. you have to take advantage of your sessions and be honest. if you are open with her, she will definitely be able to help you more, you know?

i didn't mean that to sound harsh or anything, but she is there to help you, so use her expertise by being honest. that is the best way to help yourself.

[null0trooper]

Ophelia's right.

To you these things are shocking and embarassing, but any psychiatrist who's been practicing for a reasonable amount of time will have seen and heard far worse. If you need to, write it all down. You can start with a copy of your post here. When you go in, ask her to read what you have first.

[celestia]

You can start with a copy of your post here. When you go in, ask her to read what you have first.

I have done this very thing on more than one occasion and it is very effective. It kind of cuts to the chase, and spares you having to "re-imagine" how crappy you've been feeling if you don't happen to be feeling crappy right in the moment you meet with pdoc.

Also, in your case, you won't have a prayer of getting disability approved until you start being honest with pdoc. You should also tell her that your feelings are not new--that for whatever reasons you have not been entirely straight with her about how awful you really feel. If she's any good, she won't admonish you. She is a psychiatrist afterall. Nothing should surprise her, and if it does, you should get a new doc.

Like Ophelia said, it doesn't do you any good whatsoever to not be completely honest with pdoc.

Let us know how it goes!

S9

[jaytee]

Thanks null0trooper, S9.

I wonder, what's actually worse, the depression or honestly asking for help?

I've been like this for years, you know... like maybe 8-9 years. I can't even remember what my life was like before then, I haven't got the foresight to see a future when I'm not like this.

Now our stupid social security system is going to cut off my payments, well now that's just going to really help.

[SunshineOutside]

Jaytee,

I hate to hear about the social security.....money is a HUGE matter when you can't work.....if you can get the extent of your illness documented by the Pdoc. then maybe that is the first step in getting help there.... then if you can get on a med or some meds that actually work, not just make you feel a tiny bit better, but actually make you feel A LOT better then maybe you'll be able to do what is required by social security.

About the meds, ask your doctor what is a "fair trial" on each med. Don't stay on a med that is not working well for you. I made that mistake and stayed terribly ill for years. Just like you are describing actually. If you were to go back and read my earlier posts, you would see that. I have a poem on my blog that kinda sums it up, check it out. I've been there.

Mental illness is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It is a brain illness, just like any other illness. Yes, many don't understand that but the only person that it really matters to is you. Lay down that burden. Seek the help you need just as if you had brain cancer. I agree it would be good to print out some of your posts and give them to the Pdoc. The day you go in, it is also helpful to give her a list of your symptoms at that time.

Know one damn thing. If I can get my life back, you can too! Medications combined with therapy (after you get somewhat functional) is the ticket.

Get over asking for help. Humans are here not to be independent, we are here to be interdependent. That is how we survive.

Let us know...

Sunshine Outside

[SunshineOutside]

How are you, Jaytee?

[silentium]

Can they turn you down if you have a medical certificate from your psychiatrist ?

May just be as simple as telling your psychiatrist you're still not ready to work yet.

[jaytee]

I'm ok... coping... I get to see my psychiatrist in 5 days.

I kept getting called from the job network agency that I'm listed with but due to my stupid phone anxiety I haven't been able to answer or call them back. I usually go and see them when they leave messages but because I've been so depressed I haven't been able to make it out until yesterday.

They had already put in a complaint against me, so I guess that means I have two now. If I get three they stop my payments for 8 weeks: :-(

But the good news, they hooked me up with an interview for a job capacity assessment tomorrow which means an independent psych organisation will interview me for about an hour and then decide if they'll take the medical certificate or not.

grr... they make things so difficult! Well I make things so difficult!

[jaytee]

OMG I've just had the worst realisation.

I went to take out the form I was given with my appointment details for tomorrow...

1) The woman that gave it to me said it was in the same suburb, it's actually in the city.

but worse...

2) It was TODAY, not the fifth... I had a phone call from a someone but I can't use the phone so I didn't answer and they didn't leave a message.

So that's it for me, that's my third strike... Now social security cut off my payments for 8 weeks.

FUCK!

Can it get any worse?

Now I can't even afford to see my psychiatrist in five days.

This is really bad, really, really bad.

ARGH.

[silentium]

I'm not the best at this but all I can think of is try not to panic. I know using the phone is really difficult for you but it might be best to call your psychiatrist's office and see if you can talk to him/her. If all you need is a medical certificate or for them to speak to someone from centerlink you might be able to get it done sooner than in 5 days.

I wouldn't be too fussed about paying them at this stage because they would have to be pretty heartless not to let you come back and pay at a later date. Particularly if you've always paid on time before.

[jaytee]

thx silentium,

I really can't use the phone, all I can do is go into places. I know it sounds stupid, but being on my antidepressants has just made this part of my anxiety worse.

Anyway, I managed to go into the place where my appointment was at today, and they just changed it, said I wont get a strike against my Centrelink record. Oh thank god!!!

So, my next appointment is the 11th, which is great because my pdoc appointment is on the 9th.

Edited to add:

Don't discount this stupid phone phobia thing... My ex told me to just get over it, it's all in my head... and I told him to fuck off, I know it's all in my head, that doesn't help me deal with it.