Jump to content

People do suck


Recommended Posts

Or maybe there is something wrong with me.  I don't know. 

Today, I thought I would venture out and mingle.  There was a "picnic" sponsored by NAMI, so I figured I would go there, and show my support and mingle with, well mentally interesting people like myself.

You ever feel alone in a crowded room?  Yeah.  I hate that feeling.  I brought my daughter, who promptly went swimming, but that was her goal from the beginning, so I had no problem with that, after all, how was she to know things would be so rotten?  Anyway, we spent what little extra money we had to donate some hotdogs and chips to this picnic as requested by the flier and I waded in, determined to mingle.  I met one lady from the bi polar group and talked with her for a bit, but she's a very popular lady and was in much demand.

No one else talked to me, and when I tried to strike up conversations, they petered out almost immediately.  It's frustrating because I've never had this trouble before.  I've always been a social person.  One lady was downright rude and flatly ignored the fact that I even spoke to her, and she was someone I'd met before in the bp group!

It wasn't a complete disaster, I did end up sitting with the popular lady and a few other people, but they chatted mostly among themselves, and I felt intrusive, even though they invited me to sit there... They barely noticed when I left the table for water and came back.

I'm finding it hard to make the connection between the *friendliness* of this place, and the *distance* that people put between themselves and everyone else.  Is is me?  I've never had this problem before.  I've always made friends easily... but I've been kind of isolated for a few years, so maybe I've lost that touch... I don't know.  But even in that isolation, I still managed to make friends, work friends, quick friends, temporary friends, online friends, grocery line friends, whatever... I've never felt as socially inept as I feel right now.

Whatever's going on... It sucks rocks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think Rocky Girl has a point about body language.  I performed this little experiment in my last job: I was struggling with depression at the time and noticed that people were keeping their distance, they seemed reluctant to hang around me for longer than necessary, so I made a conscious effort to relax my body and facial muscles whenever someone would come around to my office.  When I was relaxed, people were more receptive to conversation and appeared more relaxed themselves.  I also wonder if you were giving off negative vibes...It's a discouraging thought, but most people are adept at picking up on subtle signals and will turn tail and run if a person's body language says "depressed" or "anxious".  Even MI people.  Maybe especially MI people.  The people I'm most likely to hit it off with, and prefer socializing with, are happy-go-lucky extroverts.  I have a  terrible time socializing with people like myself because the socially anxious are always less talkative and can come across, unwittingly, as aloof.  And since I need the kind of feedback that says "you're an enjoyable person to chat with", I'm less likely to get it from a socially anxious/depressed person, which heightens my self-consciousness and anxiety. 

If I'm happy I enjoy talking with all types of people, because the confidence is there and I'm not constantly questioning my social abilities. 

I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to enjoy yourself.  If I were you I think I'd have expected to relate to, and have an easier time with, that particular group, myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, you see, that's the thing... I wasn't sad, depressed, anxious, or anything when I went to the picnic.  I was in a *good* mood. I was looking forward to meeting people and getting to know people.  Had I been sad or anxious, I would have had my daughter stay with me so I would have had *someone* to talk to. 

Since I have *never* EVER had problems socializing, I didn't think I would have a bad time. I may have looked a little lost because there were no seats (until I was invited to sit finally) and I didn't know anyone, but other than that, I don't think I was giving off any negative vibes.  I'm usually pretty good about picking up on what I'm sending out.

It's just that since I've moved here, I've run into the same thing... people here are friendly, but don't want to be friends... It's so odd.  I am so not *desperate* for a friend (yet). I mean, I'm not grabbing people and saying, "Will you be my friend? Please be my friend." like a begger.  People aren't running away from me in droves, they just aren't getting close either. 

Maybe I'm just looking for friends in all the wrong places, I don't know.  I just kind of thought that at a picnic with "like" people, I would find... if not friends... then at least more compatible people.  You know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's just that since I've moved here, I've run into the same thing... people here are friendly, but don't want to be friends... It's so odd. 


No offense meant to anyone in the Southern states please, I am talking generalizations here ...

Patheral I have found this to be the case in the two southern states in which I have lived. Everyone is very pleasant and friendly, they just don't want to make friends with "outsiders". I have had this occur mostly at work as I don't socialize much. But it seems like you have to be in the "in-circle" to brought into the fold. The in-circle being that you are a native to the area. The friends I have made while living in the South have all been transplants as well. 

I am not implying that this is unique to living in the southern states. I am sure I might have acted the same way to people who have moved in from other areas when I lived in the state where I was born and raised. But at the same time I always like meeting people from different backgrounds, nevertheless I have found it very hard to make any friends here. Aquintances, yes, friendly co-workers yes, but hey you want to do something together sometime, no.

Of course I am a little weird that could be a turn off for people, a lot of people but  that is just me.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

... Aquintances, yes, friendly co-workers yes, but hey you want to do something together sometime, no.

Of course I am a little weird that could be a turn off for people, a lot of people but

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...