Douchbag roommate melodrama fun

[Possibly/Maybe]

Preamble: if you aren't interested in this or don't want to hear me bitch...feel free to skip this & enjoy one of the many other quality threads here on CB :3

Ok so here is the situation. I have this guy who is a friend of me & my gf (in b4 you don't have a girlfriend, are virgin etc.) who has been living with us for a little over 6 months.

Before this he lived with some girl for about 8 months, maybe a year, & before that, had lived with us (again) for like 3-4 months.

Initially he was supposed to be crashing on our tiny couch in our 2 bedroom apartment.

Until he could get back on his feet or whatever & save up some money to move to whatever the fuck dreamland like California he thinks he wants to live (cue lols from Califags). We have not asked him for a cent in rent, cable bill, or utilities during this time.

He will give one of us a ride someplace around town a couple times a month if our car is messed up or whatever. Sometimes w/o a problem, other times acting like its a huge imposition & bitching the whole time. He does not touch the garbage or dishes or otherwise clean or pick up. Ever. He partitions & launders his own clothes (coin op machines in the building).

So he not only does not contribute, he uses dishes & creates trash but will pile shit on topof the trashlid rather than even change a bag, let alone carry it out. He expects me to be the maid because my gf works & goes to school both full time & I work at home (painter) while he works a shitty part time pizza delivery job (although he got fired this summer & was out of work for about 3 months before getting another less-paid pizza job). So he figures since I have no real job, I should be the maid for everyone. Mind you I pay half the rent, all the utilities myself, gf pays the rest of rent & then the cable.

During all this, my gf has been paying him 25-50 bucks a month for her share of a cellphone plan cause she has a phone on his plan.

He bought a hi-def TV (wich he squeezed into my living room where he basically lives) & buys Blu-rays at Best Buy every week. He eats out 5 times a week or more. He has a '07 VW car that costs him almost as much a month as the rent here costs. A gym membership.

And goes to the movies literally 3 times a week.

SO cut to this morning. Me & her scrape up rent 5 days late cause she was in the hospital visiting her dad whose kidney failed, & she was short on a paycheck as a result. But we manage to get together enough cash that they are happy enough to wait till next week to get the rest (and are not gonna evict us or anything dire).

She comes in & asks him why he has not saved a dime or made the slightest move towards moving out & how long it has been. (Mind you we have not asked him for a CENT & he sure has not offered)

He admits it has been over 6 months.

She tells him that we want to set a deadline for him to move so we want him to move by the end of the month.

He throws a tantrum basically. Tells her this is "great, just what I needed to hear" & how thanks to us he will have to live in his car & has nowhere to go. She tells him this is not our fault or our problem. (way too polite frankly) He then stops her on her way to work a few minutes later & ASKS FOR THE CELL PHONE BILL MONEY. She is stunned & tells him she does not have any cause she just paid the RENT.

About an hour later. He is at work, calls leaves a message telling her to expect her phone to be shut off before the end of the day because he now has to save every penny he can. He is not getting rid of the plan, mind you, just taking HER phone off it. To save X money.

I send him a text saying to shut his own phone off first.

Now I have like 4 texts & 3 voicemails, which I have not looked at or answered, I am sure half are from him throwing a fit, the other half from her pissed at having had to hear from him about my response.

What should I do next /b/? No, not throwing his shit on the sidewalk. I'm trying to not stopp to high school like him. I am fucking 33.

[SUEzie]

Nervy S.O.B., isn't he? After that ungrateful move of his, I'd let him stay until the end of the month - BUT - I'd make and hand him a list of what his duties around the place are, until he moves.

If he doesn't want to do them, then tell him you're sorry, but he'll just have to live in his car. And I wouldn't feel guilty about it, either, as it would obviously at that point be his own choice.

I know how you feel, btw. I went through much the same thing, with my 31 year old step-son, a few years ago. He moved out after I had the "nerve" to insist he vacuum the carpet one time, after having lived with us 9 months, and never lifiting a finger to help w/any chores whatsoever, and paying no rent, ever.

I also got angry at my hubby, for not putting his foot down at all. Now step-son has his own apartment, and a new job (which is what he should have had all along, IMO.)

Make a list of things like:

1) Take out the trash

2) Wash the dishes 2x a week

3) Vacuum the floors 3x a week

ETC. - Whatever you need help with

IMO, the guys is a leech, and needs to know there is no "free lunch" in this world. If he gets ticked off you actually expect him to be a responsible room-mate, you're better off without him. Standing up for yourself is not "acting like you're back in high school", IMO. He should be embarrassed for himself, that he's not already helping with chores, etc - especially since he's contributing nothing else to your house-hold.

If you can't bring yourself to actually hand a list to him, and discuss it, then leave it on his counch-bed, and be gone when he gets home to read it. Then wait and see what happens.

Good luck,

- Susan

[liveoak]

He is begging to have his stuff thrown out on the sidewalk. You owe him nothing at all. If you can afford it, put his stuff out and have the lock changed.

[Possibly/Maybe]

I should probably add that the place is an absolute shithole because I am already fighting my gf being a massive pig & it's bad enough I have to be her maid. So I pretty much told them both that I am done cleaning up after them. When I do eat, I wash a plate & a fork by hand & do this every time I eat.

So, with it being between the two of them, the same shitty mess has been in the kitchen for like 3 months. Seriously, 3 sold months.

*EDIT* I say this to point out that if I start demanding he be the only one who does any damn cleaning, he will be totally outraged at me expecting him to me the maid...which he expected me to be all this time >=(

[SUEzie]

Tell them you've decided there need to be a few "ground-rules" for living at your/their place - that you simply cannot tolerate this behavior anymore. If either of them don't like it, I'd threaten to get your own place (whether you leave or not, is of course up to you.)

Let them deal with their own filthy habits. That may get their attention. IMO, they need to know just how uncomfortable they are making the situation for other people, and that the world does not revolve around themselves only.

Again, if it's too tense a situation to discuss in a group, then I'd leave a letter on the kitchen table or whatever, and then leave for a few hours, when you know they'll be coming home and will see it. Then see what happens.

You have my sympathy.

- Susan

[Possibly/Maybe]

Tell them you've decided there need to be a few "ground-rules" for living at your/their place - that you simply cannot tolerate this behavior anymore. If either of them don't like it, I'd threaten to get your own place (whether you leave or not, is of course up to you.)

Let them deal with their own filthy habits. That may get their attention. IMO, they need to know just how uncomfortable they are making the situation for other people, and that the world does not revolve around themselves only.

Again, if it's too tense a situation to discuss in a group, then I'd leave a letter on the kitchen table or whatever, and then leave for a few hours, when you know they'll be coming home and will see it. Then see what happens.

You have my sympathy.

- Susan

Thanks guys!

Sadly, the answer to the above ultimatum has basically been "what are you gonna do about it, you have no recourse & your threats are empty." Not in as many words, but still.

I feel more & more like there is not a NON-drastic, bridge-burning, cops-getting-called, clusterfuck end to this possible.

[SUEzie]

They actually said that? Oh man, them's fighting words, to me. Even hinting at that.

I would be looking in the newspaper, for another room-mate, in no time. My home-town newspaper has a section called: Room-mates Wanted. So does the local university. Maybe yours does, too.

Not saying you need to move - but, letting them know you do indeed have that option, and are willing to exercise it, might help.

* If one of them argues that your name is on the lease, tell them you are going to either:

Discuss the situation w/the land-lord, or else risk small claims court - because in your eyes, the situation has unfortunately, become that intolerable to you.

I'd tell them you're going to look for a new place to live, if they don't change their ways - and that yes, you can afford to move, if you have another room-mate, thankyouverymuch.

This guy is an irresponsible ingrate, IMO, and your GF, nice as she might be, needs a wake up call about her housekeeping skills. Neither one of these things is your fault.

I commend you for trying to be reasonable, but unfortunately, sometimes with idiots, there is no recourse but some kind of confrontation.

Console yourself with the fact that he brought this upon himself.

Six months is a long time to put up with this nonsense.

I hope things go better for you soon. Hang in there,

- Susan

[Ophelia]

give him a couple of days, then a bill... if he doesnt pay, kick him out... it is your house. any more harassment and tell him you will file a restraining order.

[SUEzie]

I once had two lousy room-mates who let our electricity bill go unpaid for a few months, despite the fact I was giving them money for it - they used the money to buy pot instead (how I wound up w/room-mates like this is a whole other story...) When our lights were finally turned off, they looked at me as if they had no idea this would happen (idiots.)

My sympathetic neighbor (who dis-liked them as much as I did) helped me, with his brother's van, to move out when they were both at work. I will never forget this kindness on his part.

They were pretty ticked off, when they came home and found me gone (most of the furniture was mine), but I was beyond caring what they thought, at that point.

I wish you the best, in working this out.

Hang in there,

- Susan

[Possibly/Maybe]

Well something to mention is that we did NOT want a roommate to begin with. He was supposed to be staying so as to save some cash to get a place to live etc. & catch up on some bills.

We did not need or want someone else living here, it was out of friendship, which he has pissed on.

Update: when he called to bitch out my gf, he told her "nevermind I'll have all my shit out by tonight". Pretty much to make us look worse & to guilt trip us even though we were giving him another MONTH. Made her cry, was a huge tool. Also said quote "if my shit's on the sidewalk when I get home I am not gonna be happy."

So he does know what he deserves I had already said here that I did not want to toss his crap but when I heard that one I was sorely tempted.

Now he is in there rummaging around doing who knows what, presumably packing. I have the door closed & am torn between ignoring him & staying in here, or keeping an eye on him just in case he decides to pull some kind of shit.

[Ophelia]

Now he is in there rummaging around doing who knows what, presumably packing. I have the door closed & am torn between ignoring him & staying in here, or keeping an eye on him just in case he decides to pull some kind of shit.

well, that is what i would do. not outright obviously, though. then again, i have had fucked up roommates....

[SUEzie]

Glad he's leaving. IMO, not to sound cynical but - I've known people like this. They are not "friends", they are serial users, who don't like any kind of responsibility.

I think that probably, if you look him up 2-3 months from now, he will be pulling the same stunt somewhere else, living on someone else's counch.

Be glad he is gone. Totally not your fault that he has zero manners.

I wish you well,

- Susan

[Possibly/Maybe]

Thank for all the backup guys, it's good to know it's not just me being unreasonable (as usually is evidently the case).

He did pack his shit & is gone now. Melodramatically drinking a bottle of wine (tiny violin) to emphasize how cruel his fate is as he packed & refusing to speak to my gf. I just ignored him the whole time.

First thing this morning he removed her from his stupid MySpace friend list lol. So his lot is so harsh & he's forced by us to live in his car....but has internet access within a few hours..........

God I could not believe it was really my old beautiful romantic little apartment back again! It was like a new place with all the shit not piled in the way (mind you easily a whole storage shed worth of his crap has been piled around my couch & sugar glider's cage all this time). It just about made me cry to see what I had lost all this time as far as space.

I have cripplingly bad anxiety as it is & am NOT a social person. On top of it, living in a cramped crowded mess where there is one chair I can sit in in the whole world & being crammed into a little cell basically, has NOT been good for my already poor mental state.

[SUEzie]

Glad it's over for you - all of this melodrama. He will find another person (unfortunately, probably a nice, unsuspecting person) to hear his song and dance routine. I say Good Riddance.

I wish you well,

- Susan

[Ophelia]

First thing this morning he removed her from his stupid MySpace friend list lol. So his lot is so harsh & he's forced by us to live in his car....but has internet access within a few hours..........

that is like one of my "friends." after she moved her fat ass out (i did not force her.... this was actually a school thing) she privatized her facebook and then unfriended me. she apparently started talking shit about me and has pulled some people to her side. this is after she tells a suicidal person numerous times to kill herself and physically attacks a girl with physical injuries (broken bones). i cant believe she did all that to me... and more.... so much more. she plays victim and CONTINUES to. she pulls martyr. ugh, sry. a bit of a threadjack.

just, yeah. people or sociopathic fucks and just be glad that he is gone.

[Possibly/Maybe]

First thing this morning he removed her from his stupid MySpace friend list lol. So his lot is so harsh & he's forced by us to live in his car....but has internet access within a few hours..........

that is like one of my "friends." after she moved her fat ass out (i did not force her.... this was actually a school thing) she privatized her facebook and then unfriended me. she apparently started talking shit about me and has pulled some people to her side. this is after she tells a suicidal person numerous times to kill herself and physically attacks a girl with physical injuries (broken bones). i cant believe she did all that to me... and more.... so much more. she plays victim and CONTINUES to. she pulls martyr. ugh, sry. a bit of a threadjack.

just, yeah. people or sociopathic fucks and just be glad that he is gone.

Wow...just wow. You have to wonder what it going on in their heads...it's like another universe in there I guess.

[Ophelia]

First thing this morning he removed her from his stupid MySpace friend list lol. So his lot is so harsh & he's forced by us to live in his car....but has internet access within a few hours..........

that is like one of my "friends." after she moved her fat ass out (i did not force her.... this was actually a school thing) she privatized her facebook and then unfriended me. she apparently started talking shit about me and has pulled some people to her side. this is after she tells a suicidal person numerous times to kill herself and physically attacks a girl with physical injuries (broken bones). i cant believe she did all that to me... and more.... so much more. she plays victim and CONTINUES to. she pulls martyr. ugh, sry. a bit of a threadjack.

just, yeah. people or sociopathic fucks and just be glad that he is gone.

Wow...just wow. You have to wonder what it going on in their heads...it's like another universe in there I guess.

yeah....

anyway, now that he is officially out, font be afraid to get outside forces involved in case he tries something. he is no longer welcome. calls are harassment... coming over is trespassing. he can't get away with being a fuck and hurting you people.

[reddog]

wow. what a dick. bet the tension really lifts at your place.

[LunaRufina]

Holy high horses, batman. I just read this. It is a really sucky situation.

I've been in some shitty situations with roomates before. One of them involved a guy who was a friend of my cousin, wouldn't get a bed and slept on my couch for a while. We had numerous discussions.

...eventually I took the couch cushions and moved them to my room.

After that, he stopped paying rent and was no where to be found. I had to move out of this sweet little townhouse that cost very little to rent.

WTF?, HUH?

SOrry, back to you.

I would, on your own, draw up a plan for him to save. And a contract for him to follow so that he can move out in X amount of months. Give him room to breathe so that you can all talk about it. But he needs to agree to the contract. you all do.

If he refuses to agree to a plan/contract that you all agree on, give him three weeks and that's it.

And be prepared to literally throw him out. Police and all, or he will NEVER get on with his life, and neither will you.

But the discussion should start with something like "look, we're basically your landlords, only you don't pay us rent, so here's the deal..."

[Possibly/Maybe]

Holy high horses, batman. I just read this. It is a really sucky situation.

I've been in some shitty situations with roomates before. One of them involved a guy who was a friend of my cousin, wouldn't get a bed and slept on my couch for a while. We had numerous discussions.

...eventually I took the couch cushions and moved them to my room.

After that, he stopped paying rent and was no where to be found. I had to move out of this sweet little townhouse that cost very little to rent.

WTF?, HUH?

SOrry, back to you.

I would, on your own, draw up a plan for him to save. And a contract for him to follow so that he can move out in X amount of months. Give him room to breathe so that you can all talk about it. But he needs to agree to the contract. you all do.

If he refuses to agree to a plan/contract that you all agree on, give him three weeks and that's it.

And be prepared to literally throw him out. Police and all, or he will NEVER get on with his life, and neither will you.

But the discussion should start with something like "look, we're basically your landlords, only you don't pay us rent, so here's the deal..."

The thing about taking the couch cushions is pure gold.

He is gone now though...it's sad that we are no longer friends for no damn reason but that was his decision to be a fucking jackass baby. My gf keeps crying about it.

But being able to come out & have a nice clean apartment with space to walk & privacy was like a beautiful crescendo of a song...definitely a huge weight, like something grinding me down suddenly stopped & I could move & breathe again.

[withing]

The thing about taking the couch cushions is pure gold.

I agree, I'll have to remember that if I'm ever in a similar situation (again).

He is gone now though...it's sad that we are no longer friends for no damn reason but that was his decision to be a fucking jackass baby. My gf keeps crying about it.

As someone who routinely prunes such people from my life as if they were diseased limbs, I'm still wondering how his being gone is such a terrible thing. I would be dancing for joy. Good riddance to bad rubbish (as the saying goes).

But being able to come out & have a nice clean apartment with space to walk & privacy was like a beautiful crescendo of a song...definitely a huge weight, like something grinding me down suddenly stopped & I could move & breathe again.

Now if you can get your gf to pick up after herself, you'll be in heaven.