Mindful Momma Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 so where to begin, that's the real question. let's start with my upbringing...my parents divorced when i was 9. my mom was an alcoholic who neglected me from birth (drinking and boyfriends and crack/herion sisters and brothers where always more important than i was), my cousin molested me when i was 2 and again when i was 9, my dad was never really around, my mom's sister (a herion junkie) physically and verbally abused me, and by my teen years i was experimenting with drugs and sex. sound like fun? it wasn't. i was original misdiagnosed back in 1995 with obsessive compulsive disorder after my suicide attempt when i was 15. it wasn't until 2007 that i was properly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and adhd....that's a mouthful ain't it. i'm on meds right now (haven't found the right combo yet) and in therapy. my family, for the most part, doesn't understand mental illness and thinks that it's something you can just snap out of and move forward. currently my cycle is in a major depressive state and they REALLY don't understand how someone can just stop dead in their tracks and not be able to move forward. so i'm stuck with little family support. my friends are great and i'm finding support through this board. but if you where to compare my support system to a chair it is missing a few legs and is ready to fall a part. so that makes things particularly hard when support is the most important thing to me right now. i'm also exploring my faith. perhaps through the local unitarian univerasalist church. i am meeting with the reverend next week so he can answer some of my questions. i've been fired from 95% of the jobs i've had, and i've had a lot, since i was 16. all do to absentism stemming from mental illness. i can't seem to hold them down, always having to call in sick because i'm having a crisis of some kind. fortunately my most recent employer is an ex social worker and is very understanding but i still had to go on medical leave for the next 3 months as things have just spiraled beyond my control. i don't know that i am capable of working a full time job right now. maybe part time is the way to go, but we (my husband and i) are in such debt that we need the income from a full time salary. so i don't know what we are going to do. my husband said we will revisit this issue again in a month. so we'll see what happens. the job market down here, florida, sucks right now anyway. i've been married for 3 years, we've been together for 11. have 2 dogs and 2 cats. funny story about how we met, it was right after my suicide attempt and a friend of mine was coming to visit me in the hospital so he (my husband) decided it would be more fun to tag along than to go to school. so that's how we met, in the hospital following my suicide attempt. so he's known about my mental problems from the get go. i just wish i could find the right combo of medications so that things can finally start to level out. i can't take these swings anymore. it gets to hard sometimes. i really want to be a mother one day, hopefully before i'm 30 (i'm 26 now), and i find that i am putting a lot of pressure on myself to do so. all of my friends or people i went to highschool with are having babies and i feel left out. it's easy for me to get jealous of people. and there's nothing more in this world that i want than to be a mother. i want to correct all of the wrongs that were done to me, i feel it is my calling in life. ok, well i guess that's enough. that's me in a nutshell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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