The co. that fired my hubby SUCKS!

[fluffybirdie]

So just when ya think things are cool, shit like this happens.

We move to a new city for this company, he works like a dog for 3 years, we buy a nice house, live nice and WHAM!

He comes home yesterday, sits down and said "I got fired today". Like, huh?!?!

They have been down sizing, and his boss assures him it would not affect him but it did.

I haven't worked in years (that'll change soon) and we have an exchange student with us!

After Nov 1--yeah, they were super cool with the fucking severance package--I have no idea what we will do.

All I can do is cry. I know I've go to pull my shit together, but this is the biggest shock of my life!!

bitch, moan, sob.....

[olga]

Okay now, Birdie....calm down. It sucks big-time, but I bet you and hubby have gotten through some bad times before and you will do it again.

I don't know exactly where you live, but I know that up here in the NE, we are down to less than 13 hours of daylight. Once it goes below 14 hours, my chickens go into winter mode (slow down on the egg laying) and I can see the difference in my level of energy and stuff. So kick up the WB dose if that's what you usually do, and make an effort to get 15-20 minutes of sun on your face and hands every day. It's SAD time, and we all have to fight against that.

Maybe you can help your husband with some strategies for finding a new job. While he's still working, he needs to get in touch with colleagues and friends, even if they are not in the same line of work he is in. If he lets them know that he has been laid off and is looking to move to a new job, you just never know who might have a position open. (And he should stop saying he was fired---he has a much better chance of being hired somewhere if he says that he was laid off.)

As part of the severance package, will his supervisor give him a good reference? He should get a letter RIGHT NOW, in case the supervisor gets canned, too. Have the guy make it a general "To whom it may concern" type thing, stating that 'John' was dependable, knew his material, blah blah blah. Get the letter and then make some copies and keep the original in a safe place.

Get started working on his resume. If he finds this kind of thing difficult, maybe you can help him. Your posts here at CB are clear and understandable, so I bet you could help him whip up a concise resume. (You can find lots of advice about that on the internet.)

This is a really nasty blow, but if you pull together I bet you can get through it.

And of course, come here to CB to vent!!

olga

[fluffybirdie]

Thanks Olga, you're always a sweetie.

He's not still working. He worked for a pharm company and needed to actually be escorted out, not to return because of confidentiality crap.

The shock is wearing off and I think we have worked into "task to be done" mode.

I know we'll get through--it's the WTF? of having everything pulled out from under you that's screwing with me. And him. And sweet exchange girl.

So I'll def talk to my doc and adjust while my insurance is still there, and try to stay steady for my little family.

[Artemisia]

Your exchange student will have stories to tell when she returns home... I'm sorry. I hope your husband finds a job quickly. Of course the country isn't doing well financially... Arg...

[withing]

That really sucks ROCKS!!! I feel for you because I've been escorted out myself (same issues). Blankity blank confidentiality issues.

*sigh*

Sending good thoughts your way (the only thing I can do for you). I hope your hubby finds another job soon. I know how hard it can be, but I'm guessing he's a bit more stable than I am? and that y'all have a little more stashed away than I did when my boss called me in to his office?

Really, you have my best wishes.

[fluffybirdie]

Thanks all for good thoughts it really does help.

patheral, he's the stable-ist of the stable, but I've seen that changing in the last couple of days--bless his heart. I usually don't "loan out" prescriptions, but half an ambien got him to actually sleep!! And that's a good thing.

There are modest savings to help. I just kind of walk around and look at everything I've bought in the last few years and think about what a spoiled, frivolous girl I've been. Maybe there will be a big life lesson in all this.

We do keep the happy face on for the kid, though. It's half price bowling tonight, yay!!!

Next time anyone here fills anything made by Novarti$, think a good thought for the 200 or so folks in Atlanta that got chucked out on their asses this week.

[SUEzie]

I am very sorry for what happened to your hubby. I know it sucks, I've been laid off, too. At the time, I didn't have any family, but it still sucked big-time. Just know I wish you well, and know that this, too shall pass. I know it's worrisome, and I feel for you. Hang in there.

I wish you well,

- Susan

[fluffybirdie]

Well, the end of week one of this shit. My house is on the market, and I've accomplished getting into the hardship type programs with all our creditors.

The worst things is that nobody in my house talks. Exchange girl is realizing this means relocation for her, so she's just silent. Hubby just bites my head off if I say anything (understandable).

I've never felt this sort of anxiety, ever. I'm starting to wonder if I need to revert to Xanax for a bit. My first solid meal I've been able to choke down came right back up last night

And in other complaints, my hair has been thinning for a while now (?) and I swear that my ponytail holder yanked out more than ever yesterday! Of course I'll sit and fret, because I won't be able to visit the doctors needed to do something about it.

I'll take any anxiety advice anyone's got. Besides keeping up a good front for the kid, not completely diving back into a pool of cheap vodka is priority #1. Oh, yeah, and to keep enough hair on my head for them to attach those classy Paris Hilton type extensions when I'm able to afford it again. "That's hot!"

Pity party....

[olga]

Birdie, I would definitely call your pdoc and discuss the xanax or whatever anti-anxiety drug you usually take. There's nothing wrong with using an appropriate medication during a stressful time like this. It's a million times better (taken in moderation) than self-medicating with booze. You know what lies down THAT particular road!

I hope that some of the other folks will chime in with coping techniques for anxiety. I think it's great that you've already contacted your creditors---that was good thinking and a really practical help. You might also want to contact the program leader of the exchange student organization. At the very least, they need a heads-up that you two might be moving.

(Unless you're planning to stay in the area and rent a place. I'm assuming that you're moving away from where you are.)

You might scan the Side Effects forum for help with your hair loss. I remember people taking certain vitamins and things to help with that.

I don't know if you've ever tried Yoga and/or meditation techniques, but several of my friends with GAD have found it helpful with calming down the agitation and racing thoughts. I'm not saying it makes the bad stuff go away, but being calm and relaxed for even a few minutes a day is soothing.

Give your husband some space. I know you want to make plans and talk things out with him, but he's still dealing with anger, embarrassment and probably a certain level of panic. If he has any male friends, could you (on the sly) call one of them and ask them to invite your husband out for a beer and some pool, or to go fishing, or whatever activity he enjoys? The job loss is so recent that he might find it easier to unload on a guy friend while they're casting for bass or something. If he's an outdoors man, maybe he could go for an overnight camping trip with a pal. Just a thought.

If you're planning to move back to the area you came from, you could start reading the newspaper from that town on line. Get a feel for what the job market is like and what houses and apartments are going for.

If your house doesn't sell, you might want to look for a tenant if you move away. Getting a rent payment every month is better than no money at all, and it will cover the taxes and some of the mortgage.

And, of course, come here and VENT!!

sympathetically,

olga

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hey Birdie,

First, I'm really sorry your family is going through a rough time. As Olga said, you've probably been through rough times before and come out the other side. Remember that.

(BTW, Olga, the next time I'm in crisis I want you as my counselor )

Second, I also agree with Olga about xanax. This is an especially stressful time. It would be shocking if you weren't anxious. And your brain likes to go wild when it comes to anxiety. Nature of the beast. Whenever I am experiencing serious anxiety, I take additional Klonopin prn.

As for helpful tips, I can only tell you what I do and hope some of them help. I do crossword puzzles, or regular puzzles...anything to focus my mind on something other than the anixous thoughts that are invading. I do yoga. I try to meditate. I color (yes, with crayons ). I hang out with my cats and dogs. It's hard for me to pay attention to the tv when I'm freaking out, but if I can find something really interesting, I can escape for a little bit. I sleep. Sleeping is my last refuge, when nothing else is working and I'm worn out from fighting.

I'm glad you're going bowling with your ex. student. It's things like that, IMO, that help relieve the anxiety for awhile.

So look for little escapes, ways to occupy your mind.

Many peaceful thoughts to you,

Phoenix

[BPBear]

Birdie, I am sorry your husband has lost his job. I agree the Zanax would really help to curb some of that anxiety you are feeling right now.

When I am really anxious I lay in my bed and just concentrate on deep breating. Another suggestion is taking a warm bath with some soft music playing in the background.

I wish you all the best.

[fluffybirdie]

Thank you all for the kind advice. I have lots of time, so I'll give it all a try. Since exchange girl has an anxiety problem anyways, it might be good for us to try some yoga and things together. Pdoc will see me on Monday.

Olga, I did get in touch with her agency, they just say to keep her with us as long as we can. We'll stay in this house for a while, the market is so crappy now. The house down than street has been up for almost a year! We will move whenever and to wherever hubby gets a job. Ironically, a few months ago, he started looking so he has some starts. And he did a phone interview for a job in Connecticut that was good yesterday-I've always liked it there.

Unfortunately, after kid went to bed, I answered the call of the liquor cabinet in a big way last night . So I'll move on to the substance abuse forum and beat myself up there.

I really appreciate the well wishes.

[olga]

Stop beating on that cute little fluffy head. Lock up the booze if you have to and give the key to a good friend. It might help you stay away from it for a few days and give your liver a rest.

I'm glad you can keep the student. And if you move to CT, I might be able to come visit with a pot of soup!

We'll all be sending good thoughts you way and hoping that hubby gets a job fast.

olga

[fluffybirdie]

Olga, the CT thing didn't work out I would have enjoyed that pot of soup!

Next up: interviews in Seattle, Raleigh, and some town in Pennsylvania that is way to close to my awful family for comfort. That was really the only slip up with drinking and new anxiety meds are helping.

Exchange kid has calmed down and decided she's rather stay with us (who, me?!) than get a new family. That's a load off.

Now I just feel slightly edgy, but I can busy myself with packing boxes for destination unknown.

Thanks everyone for sending good wishes!

[withing]

Seattle is nice. It's way different than Atlanta (you are in Atlanta, right?). Raleigh wouldn't be that much of a move though, and it's a big city. Both Washington and North Carolina have great MI assistance programs too (I've used them). I hope that one of those two works out for your hubby.

[fluffybirdie]

Yup, Atlanta now. After today we stuck a fork in Raleigh. So now there is possibly just Seattle or the very depressing Pottstown, PA

I have a creepy feeling it'll be the PA that wins. I wonder how long I could live 100 miles from my icky and damaging (to me) family without actually telling them. Ya know like drive there, park at the airport and tell the to come pick me up because I just flew in for a day or 2. That probably wouldn't work, huh?

[withing]

Yup, Atlanta now. After today we stuck a fork in Raleigh. So now there is possibly just Seattle or the very depressing Pottstown, PA

I have a creepy feeling it'll be the PA that wins. I wonder how long I could live 100 miles from my icky and damaging (to me) family without actually telling them. Ya know like drive there, park at the airport and tell the to come pick me up because I just flew in for a day or 2. That probably wouldn't work, huh?

100 miles is plenty of distance to live from family without them ever knowing. You can do it. Just tell them you'll be driving up because you've suddenly developed a horrible fear of flying. hahaha!

[fluffybirdie]

Well, P, I'll probably do just that. Hubby's at his interview there now and things are going really well and everyone is enthused. Um, besides me. The grand scheme is as follows: He goes now if it's a good offer. Kid and I follow during semester break. I tell 'rents I stayed behind in ATL for the school year. Kid is spared from family toxicity, and I could adjust to my new situation at my own pace. And then "come out" as living there in the summer.

Oh, the web that we weave... If I pull this off it'll be the stunt of the century.

Ok, back to being bummed and looking at but not reading magazines...

Edit: Pennsylvania is the lucky winner

I will not drink (repeat over in head) but pick up kid from school and binge-shop. We need our winter duds. A pair of those spiffy metallic Uggs wouldn't kill me, either.

Find me later in the family/I hate my mom section.

[withing]

Edit: Pennsylvania is the lucky winner

I will not drink (repeat over in head) but pick up kid from school and binge-shop. We need our winter duds. A pair of those spiffy metallic Uggs wouldn't kill me, either.

Find me later in the family/I hate my mom section.

You can survive! I have faith in you. I'm one gas tank away from Atlanta (don't know how I'd get back though). Want I should come and smash all your booze bottles for you? I need to smash something right about now (see my thread in the school forum).

[fluffybirdie]

There's a school section? How on earth did I miss that?! See you there.

Thanks for the generous offer. I'd give ya the fifty skins to get back (severance+new job= ), but I actually think I'm somehow okay. New Ugg boots for me and jr. helped ;D

Note to all: Vistaril/Atarax is highly under-rated for anxiety. Effective and no wacky shit goes down.

[olga]

Birdie, you can get through this. Pennsylvania is one of the states that borders my home state---so you will only be a few hours away from me. (I can pop down and slap Mom around for you. heh)

And we'll work with you on boundaries. Strategies. There has to be a way to do this so that you retain your mental health and you stay away from the hooch.

List some positives:

1) Hubby has a job: you won't be living in a cardboard box

2) It isn't as hot in PA as in GA, so next summer will be more pleasant

3) Traffic isn't as hideous, either

4) Your exchange student will maybe see some snow! I bet that will be a new thing for her

5) You will be within a few hundred miles of ME.

There! Now, doesn't that make you just want to pack up and move to PA?

I'm glad he found a job so quickly and your crazy com padres will help you through this transition. Promise!

olga

[fluffybirdie]

Thanks so much for a really helpful reply, Olga. I wish you were my mom. But the one I have, you can slap her anytime. All are welcome at my new place for a slappin' fest.

I know that we were so lucky to get a new job so fast. I should feel greatful. But I'm scared about confronting a past I ran from for 15 years. Especially with ES in tow, and new docs who may want to switch stuff up. But I know that I'll hit the ground running with therapy there, I don't do that now as my pdoc is chatty.

No hooch tonite, it's all chocolate and grape soda for me:)

I appreciate any help with strategies and am sorry for seeming so self absorbed. I'd offer more if I had the knowledge. Maybe I'll go troll for strange Lamictal questions...

[resonance]

It looks like you'll be a little under an hour away from Philadelphia. It's a big city and has some good pdocs... you might be able to start looking now. I recommend looking for centers and at outpatient units in hospitals.

I think Philly might also have somewhere that sells these insanely delicious chocolate bars that are really not chocolate bars because they have no cocoa. Instead, they are made with coffee and cocoa butters. They are fantastic and wonderful but I can't find them on the web at the moment.

[kei13]

People SUCK indeed. You'll come through, maybe not right away but it'll happen if you hang in there. I remeber when my father lost his job a few years ago, after working 38 years for the same sons of bitches (excuse my language).

He'd gone on sick leave (something that had barely happened in the 38 years. He had a low wage, but had benefits plus he worked assisting the owner of the company, and this is a wealthy company). He needed open heart surgery and after he recovered they mysteriously started kicking him around cut off his hours and stopped talking to him. He got depressed and ended up quitting. He didn't even have the energy to follow through a lawsuit cause he'd been discriminated against for no aparent reason. My mom does't have a job, but she managed to make out for some expenses by selling cakes and pastries and other foods from home. I had to put up a fight get a second job while TRYING to attend college. I worked and worked but I couldn't even buy lunch at school and at times missed school for no having any $5 or $8 for fuel. That was in 2004, we are fine now. My dad recovered and found a job about a year and a half ago, for minimum wage and is making ends meet in a year he'll start collecting Soc. Sec.

I now have a beautiful job. It's quite slow now, and I had psych hospitalization so I've been completely unemployed for the last month, and now just waiting for them to find me some shifts. But hopefully I'll only be broke for about 3 more months and after living through hell and back economically and emotionally of course, for almost 3 years I think.

So, hang in there, if I wouldv'e given up who knows where we'd be at now. We have a saying in spanish that translates to "God squeezes, but he[she] doesn't choke you."

[olga]

Birdie, there's no reason to think that your new pdoc will change your meds if you have a good combination going for you right now. As Res said, see if your doctor can refer you to a colleague in your new town. At the very least, maybe he could give you scripts for your meds so that you could have a 90-day supply when you move. When you see the new pdoc, tell him that what you're taking is working okay.

As for the family---well, if you haven't had contact with them in 15 years, then just continue to stay away from them. Even if you live nearby, you don't have to see them. (I have a sister who is married to an alcoholic---a belligerent alcoholic---and she enables him.....so I just don't see them. They live 15 miles away and it has been 25 years since I saw them on a holiday. I just don't have anything to do with them.) If your mother gets in touch with you, you can refuse to see her. "Sorry, you're not good for me and I don't want to ruin my pleasant life with any ugliness. For everyone's sake, stay away from me."

Then I'll come down and give her a bitch-slap. he he he

Don't think of yourself as self-absorbed. If you got away from a toxic situation when you were a teenager, then you did a great thing. It makes sense to protect yourself.

Since Resonance brought up the candy, I have to mention Philly cheese steaks. yum yum yum Of all the regional foods I've had, that's a favorite. And the other Philly food that I love is Bassett's ice cream. Oh, boy is this great ice cream! It's creamy and fresh-tasting--I just love it. Here's their web site: http://www.bassettsicecream.com/index.html

I just gained 5 pounds reading the list of flavors they have. Their butterscotch swirl is the best one I've ever had.

olga

[Stars]

If you can't drink when you lose a job and have to move - well then you can't drink. I'd throw back a few and tuck myself in.

I read this thread and was amazed at how efficient you are. You accomplished so much that first week. I sometimes go into shock and just stare at the wall instead of getting things done.

[fluffybirdie]

Thanks for the food suggestions-a full belly is a happy belly! Something to look forward to.