Mixed State

[pressmama]

This is the first time I've had a diagnosed mixed state and I don't know if what I'm feeling is right.  My mood is changing constantly...it's the same factors pretty much just in varying degrees and mixes.  The factors include restlessness, irritability, confusion, racing thoughts, hopelessness, worthlessness, not able to pay attention, general sadness, jumpiness, lonely, anxious, unloved, horny, wanting to SI.  So for example I'll feel 50% hopeless, 10% unloved, 15% confused, 20% jumpy, 15% horny.  Then a hour or two later I'll feel 20% sad, 40% wanting to SI (which can go either manic or depressed for me), 10% anxious, 10% restless, 20% irritable and angry.  (Can you tell I think in mathematical terms?) 

Is this typical of anyone else's mixed state?  I feel so confused and alone.  I'm about to cry but I can't sit still.  I'm too freaked out and reclusive to call my pdoc (who is also my tdoc right now.)

On another note, thanks so much for this site.  I'm at my parents' house recovering from surgery and away from where I usually live and my support group/system. And the member I'm closest to is in another country so I can't even call her. 

Thanks so much for any help.

[Kablume]

Yep, that's about how it is for me. Except for the %, I don't do math well. At least not anymore. You should call your Pdoc. He may want to add a med or tweak the others. Mixed states suck big time. Don't make yorself go through such Hell. I hope you are feeling better soon. Mentally and physically.

[gretl]

Sounds pretty accurate to me.  I know it's hard - all you want to do is isolate yourself - but CALL YOUR PDOC!!  I went through this not too long ago, and what finally got me through were large benzo doses until my mood stabilizer increase took effect.  I was a worthless zombie, but it was better than being a worthless tasmanian devil.  But that might not play well with your painkillers.

Oh ... you also just started Depakote though, right?  I seem to recall Echo went through a few hellish days doing that too.  (Check the Anticonvulsants board, I think.)  Again - call the doc.  ::hugs::

[SunshineOutside]

Yep, sounds like my mixed states. Intolerable.  There is a medication that knocks it out in like an hour.  What IS it?  I can't think.  C'mon guys, lets help her.  Get ready to page your doc.

[pressmama]

Hey guys,

Thanks for your replies.  I'm still going in and out of feeling different ways.  (No surprise there!)  I did manage to leave the house for the first time in 3 days today.  But now I'm feeling more drained than ever.  My doc just started me on the depakote.  I've heard that its great for mixed states, but I'm definitely still in the titrating stage.  It's causing pretty bad stomach aches (I'm trying Pepcid to counteract, but it's not really doing anything...anybody know something that works better?) and headaches when I increase dose, but I'm hanging in there.  It sucks, but it's probably what allowed me to leave the house today and why I'm not freaking out and getting confused in public, so that's definitely an improvement.  I have the seroquel around, but in doses over 200 mg, I get anxious because I fight the sleepiness. 

Also with the depakote I'm still trying to figure out the right time of day to take it.  It's mildly sedating and I have to take it with a lot of food and water, so mealtimes is definitely a good idea.  I eat a pretty small breakfast, plus who really wants to be sedated first thing in the morning, so I'm trying to work around to a lunch and dinner (or maybe dessert) dosing schedule.  So today I took one dose (250 mg) at 6 am (before I went to bed...put of taking seroquel until early am for various reasons) then woke up around midday and took dose two.  Then this afternoon, I figured out that the lunch/dinner dosing schedule was probably best, so I took one after dinner to go ahead and start that because the 6 am dose was at the outside of the halflife, but the side effects are hitting me really hard now.  I'm supposed to titrate up to 750 anyway, but the constant acidy stomach is just yucky!!!  Oh well.  I'm trying to look on the bright side, but some times it's easier than others.

I have a wedding to go to tomorrow night, so I'm really hoping the depakote will take effect enough to make it okay for me to go in public.  Lately it's been really hard for me to make small talk and be in large groups.  It's got to be the mixed state (plus, just being embarassed about being MI....I know I shouldn't be it's just hard), so I just can't predict how I'll be when I'm there.

Thanks for the encouragement and letting me vent.  You guys are great

[SunshineOutside]

Zyprexa is the medication I am thinking of.  Check with your Pdoc.  Tell them itis an emergency.

[pressmama]

I've heard that zyprexa is great.  I think what's hard about me asking for help now is that I go in and out of the worst feelings.  It's awful because I tend to only ask for help when things are the WORST. One time when I was on elavil I nearly died from an irregular heartbeat and didn't go to the doctor til the next morning....he couldn't believe I was still alive. 

Seroquel is supposed to be similar to zyprexa as far as halting things immediately.  Since I am away from home, my pdoc isn't local, and I am authorized to double my Seroquel dose, I may do that if things get awful.  So far I haven't been suicidal at least.  Just really upset and agitated.

Thank you for your support.

[gretl]

Aaaaaargh!  I'm joining you in mixed states hell.  #(*^%#)@#&^^ That's right, this is a grown-up board.  So just ... Fuck.  Not again!

It's been sneaking up on me for a few days now.  Hopefully I caught on in time, and tweaking the Trileptal while using Ativan as a "maintenance med" will get me to the point where I can at least show up at the annual NAMI picnic tomorrow.  How ironic.  I always seem to be cycling somewhere weird when I want to pitch in for the cause.  It's a wonder that organization ever accomplishes ANYTHING, when you think about it.

OK.  Sorry for the thread-jack. 

[lilie]

Mixed states suck. I'm currently having them along with the lovely(not) rapid cycling. It's 9 am and I feel like running around the room, screaming, then crying, then wishing I could go to sleep. It sucks. I hope you find a med that works for you.

Lilie

[synthetic]

Hypomania = good

Depression = sucky, but I just don't care

Mixed State = someone please kill me know

From my one experience with Zyprexa via Symbyax 12/25, it will stop the mixed state.  Just make sure you don't have to operate any heavy machinery after taking it.

[pressmama]

I'm still definitely in mixed land.  It's not so bad anymore.  My dose of depakote was increased and that seemed to help, but I'm not at the dose yet where I'll probably need to be.  Probably the hardest part has been packing up to leave my parents' house to come back home and get back to school/work.  It's basically been blowing up at parents, feeling really guilty, not eating/worrying about how horrible I am, feeling angry for feeling bad, feeling remorseful, forgetting the whole thing and chasing after my dog, getting unbelievably angry at being interrupted, etc.  But at least I can leave the house!  There are moments where I feel totally depressed though and those suck.  But hopefully I'll be able to increase my depakote soon or add on a little something temporarily and get this cleared up.  But it's more livable than it was a week ago.  Thanks for the support !

[synthetic]

Good to hear you are feeling better.  If it is any solace, it gets easier to deal with after you go through it once or twice.  Not easy, just easier.  At least you know it will go away eventually.  And if it don't, that's what meds are for.

[SunshineOutside]

Hey PressMama,

  I'm really glad you're feeling better too!  Those mixed states are awful.  I've only been there once and don't want to go back!

I'm sending more healing thoughts your way today.

Rhonda

[NARS]

Hey PressMama, any better yet?  Depakote helped tons with my mixed states nightmare, solved it almost entirely once I got past 1000 or so.  1500 was a little sedating at first but grand for controlling my mood.  Prevacid helped with my stomach, and Gaviscom is an over-the-counter antacid that is bombers for the stomach pain.  So since it's already starting to help you may end up getting great relief.

If you're taking regular old Depakote SR, I think you may need to rethink your breakfast plans.  Depakote's half-life meant that I had to take a morning dose of at least 500 or else I started to tighten up before mid-day, and that made life hell.  OK, untreated mixed states were hell, so I guess "tightening up" was heck.  Whatever.  My doses had to be 10-12 hours apart to work best.

I had to start eating something for breakfast, plus take Prevacid, plus a couple of Gaviscom to tolerate my morning Depakote, but it was way worth it.  Over time the stomach upset got better, though I could never take it without antacid.  But I've got a rotten digestive system, so it might be fine for you.

Also, you might find as the weeks go by and you reduce the hydrocodone your mood might level out some.  I had surgery while still on Depakote and did get depressed from the anesthesia.  Hydrocodone is also a big-time mood-altering drug for me & makes me anxious. I replaced it with Advil during the day as soon as possible and only used it at night after the first week.  It was worth hurting a little during the day to have a less depressed mood.

[pressmama]

Hey everyone!  I just wanted to update and thank all of you for your support!!

This moment, right now, I feel in the range of normal for me for the first time in 3.5 months!!!!  I'm so excited!!!  I know it probably won't last forever, but it's giving me the strength to deal with setbacks to know I can feel this way again.  To have energy and focus at the same time.  To be able to think clearly through decisions and not doubt myself or get confused from to many ideas.  It's just so nice to be me again for any period of time.  To know that I've found meds that work for me right now and have a plan for using them.

I've set my classes for this semester, gone back on the schedule at work and am looking for a new volunteer opportunity.  I'm piecing my life back together.  It's just amazing to have even 10 minutes of ***ME*** without the cycles, with a minimum of intrusive thoughts...just I'm so happy right now!!!

I hope everyone here can find this too!

[NARS]

Fabuloso!  Nice to hear it kicked in.  Don't overdo it too much; I usually try to wait a few weeks before getting into new committments, just to make sure I'm stable.  But enjoy your hard-earned "nornmality."