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Hot Damn - when Remeron works, it WORKS

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I posted this up in Blogland, but I wanted to stick it down here too, just so there'd be a positive take on Remeron out there. And, obviously, because I wanted to celebrate ;) I think I'm feeling...-gasp-...BETTER! I feel content, possibly even happy, even though it's exams and I'm studying like a demon. After taking Remeron for nearly 6 weeks, I'm starting to feel like my pre-enormous mental health incident self again. I've been getting gradually better for the past few weeks, which I really didn't notice because it was so gradual, until all of a sudden I realized a couple days ago that I've been feeling like a human being again instead of like some sort of horrible, hollow beast from the Black Lagoon. I've been cooking new recipes I've never tried before, doing the laundry, showering fairly regularly, and actually getting some sort of meaning out of my day-to-day life. Most of the symptoms that looked like PTSD are gone - no more flashbacks, little to no rumination, mostly no outright nightmares, I'm sleeping through the night, not taking a million years to fall asleep, I'm not losing huge chunks of time, I feel more like I'm all one piece instead of a big, splintered, semi-dissociated mess. I feel like a real person. My life actually feels worthwhile, not even because of the future, just because there are things about it right now that are worthwhile. I've been going out with my roommate, hanging around with my friends, doing HUMAN things. It's quiet in here instead of a huge tangle of looping and anxiety and NOISE. I feel like I can laugh and MEAN it, rather than having a big portion of me just feeling hollow and numb. I'd really forgotten what it felt like to feel this way. I'm not all better by any means, but I feel like I'm stable, really stable for the first time in over a year. Things are at a level that I can cope with. I can handle my life the way it is now. I think I still have a lot of work to do, because the Remeron is just covering up some of what's under there, and I'm probably going to fall off my horse some time really soon, but for the moment I'm just enjoying feeling like something other than a zombie and/or completely BATSHIT. Thank GOD for Remeron! I really didn't hold out very high hopes for anti-depressants in general, and Remeron in particular, but I was really surprised. Also, nearly all of my cognitive impairment/mindfog is gone and I haven't gained much weight as of right now. The carb cravings aren't even very intense anymore. I'm just enjoying this one while it lasts - I haven't felt even moderately decent in over a year and now I'm actually feeling content. Maybe not joyful, but certainly content.

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